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Old 10-09-2006, 10:58 AM   #1
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messee84 HB User
Question Shrinking will power

How do I keep up the whole not speakin to my ex thing...its killing me! It's nearly a week since he broke things off and I know its a bad idea but part of me wants to know what he'd say if we speak. Its even more tempting cos he's still on my msn so everytime i see him on line I just want to say hi...in 3 years this is the longest we've never spoken for and I've lost a best friend not just a boyfriend. He was the person I told everything and we had a laugh together so it's really hard to stop myself from doing this...its sooooo hard. Do I or don't I guess is the question.

 
Old 10-09-2006, 11:12 AM   #2
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mismax HB User
Re: Shrinking will power

First things you need to delete him off of MSN and your phone, etc. Also, any time you get an urge to contact him pinch yourself or go for a walk, think of the horrible ways he treated you, tell yourself you deserve better, etc. The trick is to distract yourself. I know how it feels. I went through a break up about seven months ago and my ex and I were together 6.5 years. I know it is hard but you have to be strong. Contacting him will only prolong the pain you feel. Go ahead and read my threads from my break up. I got a lot of amazing advice and support. You will make it through this. Just keep your head up. Always here if you need someone to talk to.

 
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Old 10-09-2006, 11:36 AM   #3
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messee84 HB User
Re: Shrinking will power

Thanks..I have deleted his number off my phone but i guess takin him off msn is the final step. feels like im deletin him out of my life though and it hurts to think we'll never speak agen! I still love him i guess and seeing him on msn is the only link i hav to him..I know you're right though.

I will look up your threads thanks x

 
Old 10-09-2006, 12:07 PM   #4
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JBravo556 HB User
Re: Shrinking will power

i know how you feel... it's really hard but after a while I am hoping it will get easier

 
Old 10-09-2006, 01:17 PM   #5
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Bracelet HB User
Re: Shrinking will power

Deleting him out of your life is the whole point of this. I don't know why you haven't already done that. That was the FIRST thing I did when i ditched my last boyfriend. Why are you torturing yourself by seeing his name every time you login to your IMs? Do you enjoy the drama? Because that's what it is causing in your life, drama.

Best thing you could do is delete him from your phone, block him from your email and delete him from your IMs. There is no reason for him to still be on there anymore. He's out of your life now.

Oh yes, and designate one of your closest friends to be your call buddy. Anytime you have an urge to call the *******, then call your friend instead. It helps if it's someone you can call at anytime, day or night.

 
Old 10-09-2006, 01:48 PM   #6
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gamecock360 HB User
Re: Shrinking will power

I agree with Bracelet. When my last boyfriend and I broke up I took him out of everything. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but in the long run I healed sooo much faster. And I am a believer that it is truly the only thing that will help you completely get over someone.
Good luck and my prayers are with you.

 
Old 10-09-2006, 08:52 PM   #7
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lady346 HB User
Re: Shrinking will power

I went through this and I had absolutely NO willpower, seeing as my ex-boyfriend never even told me it was truly over. It was something along the lines of a break/break-up...I was so lost, confused and a complete emotional mess. I know what you mean- everytime he showed up on IM, my heart would pound and I would feel ill, waiting to see if he would message me. I couldnt delete his #s either (his name began with an A so they were always the first ones I saw in my phone list), b/c, as u said, I felt it was truly final and that I was deleting someone from my life that had been my best friend for so long. You can read my threads too (also under the name Lals49)- they may help with some of the emotions you are feeling, b/c I think I put them all out on this board in my posts! Hehe.

One thing that I would do if I could go back is delete everything immediately and block him on every one of those silly websites (my space and so forth). I found out a lot of hurtful information on those things that just re-opened old wounds, even as much as 6 months later when I thought I was fine. It was awful. I would do that right away, actually. I also had a call buddy when I went through this: my mother. I called her at 7 am, 3 am, 11 pm, WHENEVER. Sometimes 6-7 times a day, and I would just SOB. But it was my mom, and I knew that she would never judge me for anything I felt/said/did.

You really have to be proactive to get past a breakup. It is hard, but the only way to start healing asap is to take action and do the things that u know u have to do. Sadly, they tend to be the hardest things to bring urself to do. That is: cutting out contact immediately (I had a hard time with that one given the ambiguity of my situation, and I really wish I would have done that sooner), returning all the stuff promptly, deleting all information from them (this one is SO hard but I swear to you that it will help you). This means emails, anything visible that can make u cry (pictures, cards, etc.). Put all of those keepsakes in a box and stash it away for awhile. Also- tell your friends not to tell you if they see him around or hear anything about him. I had difficulty with that one from acquaintances who somehow thought it was cool to give me updates about his new girlfriend he had left me for and when they saw him out. That hurt...

I hope this helps. What helped my willpower in the end was actually finding pride in it- the more I was able to stay strong, the more I found self-confidence from it, and that really helped the healing...I found myself feeling more empowered with each step I took to get him out of my life.
Hang in there..its a long road but you will be OK!! Im proof of that...and many here on this board are as well.

-oh, one more thing. I really truly believe that only time can make u feel better (and I hate feeding into that old proverb "time heals all wounds". But I really think its true). However, u can speed up the healing process by cutting off contact and doing what I said above. Its so hard but u really will thank urself later.

Last edited by lady346; 10-09-2006 at 08:54 PM.

 
Old 10-10-2006, 01:42 PM   #8
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JBravo556 HB User
Re: Shrinking will power

yeah it is rough sometimes.... since my ex called me on Saturday and Sunday (I didn't pick up) I find myself wanting to talk to her... I want to know what she had to say...

What makes it tough is that the holidays are coming up. I wanted to take her to see the tree in the city, go to radio city music hall, etc... it does suck I tell you.

 
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