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What is in the water?!

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Old 10-10-2006, 06:18 AM   #1
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 201
mismax HB User
What is in the water?!

I just have to share this. It is just too funny. Or at least I find it absolutely funny. Anyways, for some reason today the past has decided to re-enter my life. That one guy I was talking to/seeing a while back has decided he wants to reconnect. I said okay, but slowly and just as a friendship for now. He's cool with that. Now, the funny part. I was checking my profile on one of those dating sites. Haven't been on in ages and guess who viewed my profile. My ex. This is the one I posted about and how he ripped my heart out. He must have been looking for me because he is in Canada and I am down here in North Carolina. I found it so funny though. The best part...when I saw it I had no feelings at all. That made me so happy. He actually looks like he has put on some weight and I can tell he is still living at home with his mother. I just find it funny that today of all days two guys from my past have re-surfaced on some level. I just sit here and chuckle because it is something you only hear about in the movies. Nothing like this ever happens to! Anyways, just thought I would share that I am absolutely over my ex and it is an amazing feeling.

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Old 02-21-2007, 02:07 AM   #2
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 2
khammond HB User
Re: What is in the water?!

Hi Kerry.

I have been reading the history of your posts and wondered if you could give me some advice.
My situation is extremely similar to your previous one regarding your ex. My boyfriend recently (2 months) broke up with me after six years, because he wanted to be "alone". We were due to move into a house this month after saving for a year and a half.

We live in the same town and have had no contact for a week in this whole two months because I keep bumping in to him. Last time I saw him he started kissing me and saying he loved me but then said he couldn't be with anyone at the minute.

I am completely devastated and it is as if he wouldn't care, I am still in contact with his family who I am really close with and don't know what to do because I am desperately wanting him back and am waiting for him.

He comes to talk to me and tells me how happy he was when we were together but we are still apart. I don't beg and have never beg and certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want me.

Not so long ago, he started a new and demanding job and became distant, there was another girl involved in our break-up who he had kissed behind my back.

I just wanted your advice really, do you think my ex will realise what he has given up? Everyone tells him he is stupid and wont find another relationship like ours (which was exceptional for 5 of 6 years).

How do I move on from this? Am I resigned to a life of rejection and wanting something I can't have, I feel as if I can't breath and hate that mine and his friends are intertwined.

Sometimes I feel like I can't live without him, he was my universe for six years. I have nothing left to go on with.

Please help...

Old 02-21-2007, 06:39 AM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: vancouver
Posts: 501
jo5086 HB User
Re: What is in the water?!


i had it happen three weeks ago, a guy i dated 5 years ago called me and wanted to see me badly, funny, i guess he thinks after 5 years we could pick up where we left off...i can't imagine if i would have met up with him looking completely different, that would have been a laugh.


you said you are waiting for your guy but also said you would never want someone who doesn't want you. it sounds like he doesn't want you (long term anyway). of course you will be comfortable from him, i'm assuming you kissed him back, and you are someone he once loved...but he has made it clear he doesn't want to be with you. actions speak louder than words.

Old 02-22-2007, 01:06 AM   #4
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 470
plasva HB User
Re: What is in the water?!

Hi Khammond,

You ask how you can move on... oh girl, it is so so hard. You have to figure out what you need to do to be able to start the healing process. For example, if I were you, I would not be able to continue seeing his family (but that is me. You might be different; just be honest with yourself.)

It might help to get rid of all of his letters (maybe do a ceremony such as burning them), gifts he gave you, get rid of photos, jewelry, etc. Anything that is a painful reminder.... Or give them to someone for safekeeping, in case you guys eventually get back together. (But get anything out of your house that you feel is holding you back.)

After my ex left, it took me months to get rid of letters, over a year to get rid of ALL the photos, and two years to get completely rid of the jewelry. But I knew I had to do it at my own pace, when I was ready, but it absolutely had to be done, so that I could open my life to new letters, photos, and jewelry from someone new.

You have to let yourself feel whatever you feel... cry, or be angry. Don't try to deny any anger. Just...FEEL. If it interferes with your job/schooling/family, it's okay to get counselling.

Do nice things for yourself. Take a bath every day. Make yourself coffee or tea or a drink you love. Eat comfort foods. Try to "get lost" in a good book.
Write, make art, exercise... keep posting here for support!

Old 02-22-2007, 01:22 AM   #5
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 2
khammond HB User
Re: What is in the water?!

Thank you all for your words of support.

Even though I say I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me, I obviously do?

Every day seems to get worse when it should be getting better, I can bear to think of him enjoying his life with anyone else, it seems he is confused and is confusing me at the same time.

I constantly think about the things he says to me and the meaning in it, when he last saw me he said "Maybe this is what we needed "(after kissing me) "We can't have other boys taking advantage of you" and "I still have all your pictures up in my room"

What the hell does that mean? I feel like I am gonna be stuck in a rut forever, too afraid to let go!

I am going out tonight and he might be out with his friends, so am gonna say a short hello and move on. It doesn't get me anywhere being nice or friendly, I just get more confused.

This is a living nitemare! I feel like I can't breath, I am so stupid and pathetic!

Old 02-22-2007, 12:02 PM   #6
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 470
plasva HB User
Re: What is in the water?!

No, you're not pathetic, hon. It does get worse before it gets better. You take all these steps back for every step forward. But eventually, the "backward slide" happens less and less often. And someday, you will feel free.
I'm sorry it's such a long process, but don't blame yourself, okay? Be good to yourself. Your feelings are okay to have and don't make you stupid. They make you a loving person who cares and can commit and to whom things really truly matter; they make you a good person.

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