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Old 10-10-2006, 06:45 PM   #1
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the "why buy the cow" speech

Ive been posting a lot of random questions lately, but this one is definitely up there. I was chatting with two of my girlfriends today, and of course each of us had a different opinion on the topic, so I wanted to post it up on here to see what everyone thought (I love this site).

The topic was whether the fact that a girl sleeps with a guy immediately (first date, first encounter, whatever) would make it impossible for a relationship to develop afterward. My 1st friend said it makes absolutely no difference, my 2nd friend said that no one would want to date you after u do that immediately, and I was stuck w/ an opinion somewhere in the middle:

I've heard that phrase "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" so many times that there HAS to be truth to it. It does make total sense. But (Im going to be a bit candid here so I hope Im not met with huge judgments), Ive been in a situation or two where I have accidentally gone too far with someone I was majorly attracted to even tho I wasnt planning to. Funny thing is, Ive never actually had a one-night stand...they always turned into a 2nd, 3rd, 4th time, etc. Pretty soon it was a 4-month or so thing, in which the guy is buying me dinner and taking me out, but it never turned into a committed relationship. I either get attached and they arent, or I get ****** off due to the lack of commitment and end it, knowing i deserve more.

But, I have ALSO spent 2+ years in a sexless reltsp with someone I loved b/c he was waiting for marriage. I even considered being a born-again v. when he broke up w/ me...but that didnt last. So despite what a guy may think according to this cow phrase, I am by no means one of those girls that just de-values it completely. I think guys that stick to this mentality can often miss out. I have been an amazing gf, am a quality person in general, and at one pt or another have had a little too much fun...oops. But I guess I am made to feel guilty about this by thinking that if I do go too far one night, I will only be looked at with disrespect and the guy will only use me for that in the future. And what ends up happening is that, while i think Im ok with the situation at 1st, I end up getting my hopes up, and then feeling guilty and horrible about the fact that the guy prob. would never want to make me his gf, regardless of how I feel about HIM. So I can see how a relationship is just likely to never develop.

So we were all discussing this and we all had very different opinions over the truth of the matter. I guess Im just curious as to opinions. Also- has anyone started off what became an actual committed relationship this way? Im 24 and part of me wants to revel in my youth and new single status and enjoy myself; but part of me is a traditional girl at heart (and my 2nd friend especially is) and we both agreed that it often makes u feel as tho ur self-worth is being questioned when a guy continues to see u for a no-strings-attached situation, even if u really are a quality girl.

Last edited by lady346; 10-10-2006 at 06:49 PM.

 
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Old 10-10-2006, 07:16 PM   #2
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

I don't think that getting close on the first day is a good idea quite opposite. My husband didn't even want sex before marriage and we were meeting for 2 years, if guy is serious it won't make a difference.

 
Old 10-10-2006, 08:05 PM   #3
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

In my opionion, if a woman decides to have sex immediately with a man, be it a one-night stand or not, that is HER decision. If she has a problem with someone judging her (or if she's judging herself) then she should NOT have sex immediately. Period. We judge ourselves and feel guilt (especially when the relationship does not work out--what if your one-night stand produced a healthy relationship, hmm?), and others judge us based on their own sense of morailty. It's a non-issue when you are confident in your decisions. YOu felt attracted to someone, had sex, had a relationship (maybe) whatever. DON'T have sex with someone too soon if you're going to have regrets. That's all there is to it.

 
Old 10-10-2006, 08:38 PM   #4
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

Personally if a girl had sex with me on the first date or really pushed the issue I'd be a bit uncomfortable. I'm not an uptight guy by any means, really quite the opposite. But if I do really like a girl and am going for more than just a hookup, I'd rather not move things along so quickly.

I think it goes hand in hand. If I'm not really into the girl and just want some casual sex, I'll try to get it as soon as possible because the only real reason I'm around her is to fulfill sexual needs and have a good time. If I'm actually into the girl mentally and emotionally, it's easier to wait it out because you genuinely enjoy being around her and in her company instead of just trying to dive into her pants immediately.

Just my opinion, I'm sure everyone is different. I'm 22 btw.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 03:37 AM   #5
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

I know people who had sex on the first date and ended up married. I know others who did the same but did not end up married to the person. What it really comes down to is whether or not there is some kind of connection. Most people are not going to deny there's some spark just because he/she has a moral objection.

The other poster had a good point about considering how YOU feel about sleeping with someone or not. It doesn't matter so much how a guy is going to judge you. What matters is how you're going to judge yourself. The fact is, any guy who you sleep with on the first date or a one-night stand isn't really in any position to judge you- he's doing it, too.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 05:42 AM   #6
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

it can go either way, there is no straight, hard, fast rule, although Dr Laura Schlessinger would probably have you think there is, and those people who wrote those books.....the rules......LOL

but on a humorous note, have you ever heard the flip side of that phrase, why buy the cow?

why buy the pig when the sausage is free?

 
Old 10-11-2006, 09:27 AM   #7
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

I became closer than I should of with one crip on the first date, although it wasn't all the way. He started treated me as a s... all relationship. He called my job against my free will and was doing anything he likes. At that time I was new at the country, had poor English and he took great advantage of all that. I would never do it again.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 11:45 AM   #8
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

In my opinion the amount of time a woman waits to sleep with me speaks volumes about her ability to control herself. That's important to me. I don't want a chick that has slept with the whole town. If a girl sleeps with me in the first month I pretty much assume that she is a skank and does that with every guy; therefore, I would not want to settle down with her. I'd rather settle down with a girl that has enough self control to wait.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 01:28 PM   #9
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

Its JBravo's outlook that sometimes upsets me (no offense, JBravo b/c I understand where ur coming from). The reason is b/c I have once or twice done this as I had said and I actually have pretty amazing willpower. And I haven't 'slept with the whole town', hehe. I think my outlook on this is more of a 'be openminded and don't judge a book by its cover' opinion. You may think a girl is a skank, but she could be a really desirable person if you wouldnt have made that assumption. I tend to think a lot of women think this way. However, I also tend to think that a lot, of not most, of men out there might agree with JBravo. (Or at least the ones I come across).
I think that I, along with many other women, are so conditioned to be 'won over' and stay pure and so forth (and its not even by far as strong of an influence here as it is in other cultures), but sometimes girls want sex! Or they're really attracted to a guy, or they really like him...who knows. And then they're made to feel bad about themselves even if they dont find themselves in those situations often. Im glad to see the responders on these boards think it could go either way, but Id love to ask a group of men.

Last edited by lady346; 10-11-2006 at 01:41 PM.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 01:35 PM   #10
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

So it's OK for the man to have sex with the woman but if the woman has sex with the man then she's showing no self control and is a skank...I am sorry but that makes about no sense in the world to me!!!!! If that AIN'T the old double standard, nothing is!
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Old 10-11-2006, 01:38 PM   #11
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

Quote:
Originally Posted by JBravo556
In my opinion the amount of time a woman waits to sleep with me speaks volumes about her ability to control herself. That's important to me. I don't want a chick that has slept with the whole town. If a girl sleeps with me in the first month I pretty much assume that she is a skank and does that with every guy; therefore, I would not want to settle down with her. I'd rather settle down with a girl that has enough self control to wait.
I just want to make sure i'm understand what you're saying JB.....
so you will try to/sleep with her soon, but then you won't respect her if she does......what about you? are you still respectable if you're willing to put out within the first month? If she takes up your offer within the first month are you a skank also?

I just want to understand

 
Old 10-11-2006, 01:43 PM   #12
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

Good point Keepsgoin and Rosequartz!! Exactly why I get mad. Its like WE are constantly the ones being judged, and even if we arent judgmental of ourselves, the other half is, so we 'lose' anyway. I guess if they're that judgmental of us we don't want them anyway.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 01:54 PM   #13
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

In old school it is fine for man to have "fun", but it is totally different if woman do the same.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 01:56 PM   #14
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

that's all good and well, but this isn't the old school

 
Old 10-11-2006, 02:00 PM   #15
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Re: the "why buy the cow" speech

Yeah thats what I meant about the cultural difference...most cultures are like that (women are shunned for these things; men are allowed to do whatever). I completely disagree with that obviously, most likely b/c I grew up here and am lucky enough to have a choice/freedom in what I do and am not instilled with all those beliefs. Maybe if I grew up elsewhere I would be shocked at this conversation. But I still dont think women are free of some form of judgment and/or assumption in the majority of these situations here in the US and it pisses me off!!

Last edited by lady346; 10-11-2006 at 02:01 PM.

 
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