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Old 10-11-2006, 01:46 PM   #1
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What to do about his mom!!!

Okay i did make a post earlier last month about how we broke up, but we have solved things and came back togther, but the only problem that we have had in our 20 month plus relationship has been his mom.
Okay she is not mean but very very protective, during our breakup i took my name off of bills and off of the lease, she just came unglued on me saying that i am trying to bring her baby boy down and all of this.
This mom has to see her son everyday and talk to him at least once a day or else she gets really upset.
Before we broke up, his parents were in our business all the time and were part of the reason why i left.
My question is how to tell him politely or her to let go a little bit so i don't feel like i'm competing. Do mothers ever let go of there baby boys?

 
Old 10-11-2006, 01:51 PM   #2
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Re: What to do about his mom!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by loverbuggie04
Before we broke up, his parents were in our business all the time and were part of the reason why i left.
My question is how to tell him politely or her to let go a little bit so i don't feel like i'm competing. Do mothers ever let go of there baby boys?
what makes you think anything will be different now?
he's a mama's boy.....they will be wrapped around each other and in each others business forever, and you will never come before his mother.....is that the kind of life you want?

 
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Old 10-11-2006, 02:11 PM   #3
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Re: What to do about his mom!!!

I went back and read your earlier post and in that post you said your bf wanted to "experience other things."

What are the real issues here? I don't think his mom is the only problem, but I would like to clarify that before I jump to conclusions -- because right now my thinking is that your bf sees his mom every day and she encourages him to want to "experience other things" and she thinks he is too young to settle down and encourages him not to be with you. Is that going on at all?

Either way, seeing his mom every day is a bit unusual at 21 years of age, especially if he doesn't live with his mom. It sounds like she controls his life. You also said you've known him for 14 years -- I take it that she's always been over protective like this?

You're asking if the mom will ever let go -- but will your boyfriend ever let go of her and stand up to her? You can't make him to do that, but that is what he has to do if he is ever going to be happy in a relationship or happy as an independent self-sufficient man.

I know you've known him for a long time and all that, but is this what you want in life, because I agree with Rose here and I think he'll always put his mom before any girlfriend or eventually his wife.

Ugh, my ex used to think everything his mom did was golden -- like I was supposed to clean things the same way as she did. It was annoying and I really couldn't stand it. Anytime you try to but in between a guy like that and his mom you always end up losing, too. I guess the only thing I had that she didn't have was sex. But trying to get your way through sex isn't a healthy way to do things.

I think you need re-evaluate this relationship and what you want to do in life. You're still young. You haven't really taken that much time to be single and find yourself.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 02:19 PM   #4
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Re: What to do about his mom!!!

thank goodness he doesn't have sex with her!!!
yes i have known him for 14 years but not really knowing him, we were aquantainces.
When we broke up his mom cried for days and days, b/c she thought we were doing okay.
I guess it's hard for me b/c yes I love my family but i know that i don't have to see them every day. So i don't understand why they have to see each other a lot. But should i just stop going over there all the time with him and hopefully that will show him that there is more to life than just mommy?
I think i'm venting b/c i'm still mad at the way she has treated me in the last 2 weeks like it was my fault that he has all the bills now and stuff. We aren't liviong together anymore

 
Old 10-11-2006, 02:22 PM   #5
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Re: What to do about his mom!!!

don't take any of the bills back.....just lay low.....you will see the same old problem crop it's ugly head up again.......
he's a mama's boy......what do you think will change?

 
Old 10-11-2006, 02:28 PM   #6
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Re: What to do about his mom!!!

i'm not taking any bills back that's why i moved on my own for him to get some resposibilty. What do you mean by the last part you said?

 
Old 10-11-2006, 02:31 PM   #7
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Re: What to do about his mom!!!

here I'll cut and paste your words......

This mom has to see her son everyday and talk to him at least once a day or else she gets really upset.
Before we broke up, his parents were in our business all the time and were part of the reason why i left.


he's a mama's boy - what do you think will change?
I've said that to you a couple times and you have yet to answer me......
what do you think will change?
how much clearer do you need it to be?
he's a mama's boy.......he was born a mama's boy, and he'll die a mama's boy.....

 
Old 10-11-2006, 02:50 PM   #8
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Re: What to do about his mom!!!

I'm not saying that it will change but you never know, there just comes a point & i've told him enough is enough w/ her she needs to let go, and so i've decided not to go and hang out with them so much, b/c i don't need her drama right now.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 02:56 PM   #9
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Re: What to do about his mom!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by loverbuggie04
I'm not saying that it will change but you never know
you never know? LOL
you're kidding right?
sadly, I know you're not kidding, you're just in denial.....
nothing going to change, and if you think it will, you will just end up disappointed again.
do you really want to be with a mama's boy?

 
Old 10-11-2006, 03:09 PM   #10
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Re: What to do about his mom!!!

Listen, one of my close friends dated, subsequently married and had 3 kids with a mama's boy. It was a constant, never-ending struggle between her and the mother for his attention. It was so pathetic, I'd never seen a grown man act that way before. It was ridiculous!

If you honestly want that kind of life for yourself, then by all means stay with him. But as the others have already told you in this post, he's never going to change. If he's already 21 and still having to see his mommy every day, that will never change. EVER. You will never be more important to him than his mommy. So unless you're willing to always allow her to have complete and total input over everything he does (whether just dating you or married to you), then go ahead and stay with him.

Guys like that do not make good mates. They just don't. They are extremely difficult to deal with and the whole - I have to check with mommy first before I make any moves - gets old really quick. For you to just stop hanging around with them isn't going to change anything. He will continue to go see her every single day and talk to her every hour, because he's totally and completely a mama's boy who can't handle being away from her for more than a day.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 03:54 PM   #11
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Re: What to do about his mom!!!

okay.....
So i never said that he has to "check" with her over everything that isn't the problem here, he can go days without seeing her it's her that has to call him, her that gets depressed if she doesn't know where he's at, we have had a long long discussion about his parents and he agrees with me that she needs to let go. My question was how do i tell her to back off so we can live our life?

 
Old 10-11-2006, 04:14 PM   #12
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Re: What to do about his mom!!!

It's not your call to tell HER anything. It's HIS responsibility to get his mom off your back. He needs to grow a pair, be a man, and stand up to her. It's his mom, HE is responsible for dealing with her and making her stay out of your life. It's not up to you to do that.

 
Old 10-12-2006, 05:15 AM   #13
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Re: What to do about his mom!!!

LB04-

You might want to do a search on "Borderline Personality Disorder" and see if she exhibits the behvior. If she does, there's a book called
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger that will shed some light on how to handle someone with BPD.

The first rule of dealing with someone who has BPD is that telling them they have BPD is like throwing gasoline on a fire. If you could get her into counseling, it would be a good thing. Good Luck.

wb

 
Old 10-12-2006, 09:59 AM   #14
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Re: What to do about his mom!!!

thanks i will look into that

 
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