I really hate to say this, but at times, she can be the biggest b****. Today, for instance, I was driving home from the library with her. I had to turn in an overdue library book, and she came along even though she didn't want to (she had to accompany me because I have a learner's, not a license).
Now, when we got home and pulled into the garage, she said that I was pulling up too close to the wall. I was certain that I wasn't, though. When I shut off the car, I tried to open the door, but I discovered that I couldn't do so because the mirror was bumping into a cabinet. If I'd pulled up a few more inches into the garage, the door could open (where the cabinet was not taking up space), so I was not in any way too close to the wall. However, she got all smug about it, saying, "Not too close, huh?" I tried to explain to her that it was only because the mirror was directly next to the cabinet, but she refused to acknoledge that fact.
Quickly thinking, I came up with a solution that would allow me to get out of the truck without having to drive further into the garage. I'd already taken the keys out and given them to my mom, so I asked for them back. See, to me, she was trying to put me in a tight spot and make me look like I didn't know what I was doing. But I wanted to show her how I could get out of the truck through the driver's door without moving the truck. I asked for the keys, and she stubbornly refused and said, "No." I kept fighting for them and yelling and demanding that I have them. We both got in a big yelling match as we struggled over the keys. Eventually, I managed to get the keys and put the truck in "accessory" mode. While in accessory mode, I rolled down the windows and folded the mirror so the door could open wider. I got out, rolled the windows back up, shut off the motor, and then unfolded the mirror.
When we got inside, my mom still refused (and still does refuse) to acknowledge that I had gotten myself out of a tight spot. Now...please don't label me as a cruel person for what I have to say next. I have tendencies...to do things I don't mean...anyway, we got in a bit of a "wrestling" match. That was about half an hour ago, and she's been screaming at me since. She threatened to tell my dad about it. I probably deserve it, but I'm not in any way looking forward to it because my dad can get kind of physical sometimes. He hasn't in a very long time, but like me, he does have the capability/tendency to do so. I probably got his genes for that, as I'm ashamed to say. I did not mean to do such a thing in any way, but I am just so tired of how she seemingly tries to deliberately keep me from getting out of tight spots. She just wants to see me fail.
But this isn't the only time. We've had plenty of other occasions very similar to this. We've gotten into major fights over the smallest things - all because she (and I) are so stubborn. She refuses to see me win, and I refuse to let her see me fail. I know, everyone fails on occasion, but the point is, she's so stubborn and smart alecky about it at times that it drives me up a wall, which leads to me acting as I do.
My relationship with my mom can be good, but many times, it is just awful. There are many times we just cannot get along at all. What should I do? How can we put aside our differences? I feel very ashamed about all this, and I fear how my dad is going to act on this.
I have tendencies...to do things I don't mean...anyway, we got in a bit of a "wrestling" match. That was about half an hour ago, and she's been screaming at me since. She threatened to tell my dad about it. I probably deserve it, but I'm not in any way looking forward to it because my dad can get kind of physical sometimes. He hasn't in a very long time, but like me, he does have the capability/tendency to do so. I probably got his genes for that, as I'm ashamed to say. I did not mean to do such a thing in any way, but I am just so tired of how she seemingly tries to deliberately keep me from getting out of tight spots. She just wants to see me fail.
how old are you? are you able to move out and get your own place?
you shouldn't get into wrestling matches with your mom......
I'm sorry but I think you need to listen to your mom. She tried to give you advice about pulling into the garage. She just said it in a way that made you mad. It sounds to me like you feel you have compete with her. It also sounds like you inherited her personality. But unfortunately since she is the parent and you are the underage child (I assume you're under 18) then she is the one who orders while you are the one who listens.
You can try to have a sit down talk with her -- not right now, but on another day when emotions aren't so high -- about how it makes you feel when she gives you this advice such as "you're too close to the wall." You might want to start the conversation out with an apology for your behavior and how you reacted, but then go on to say that it hurts your feelings because you feel like she is mocking you, and you wish she would just let you learn your mistakes on your own and fix them without her watching your every move.
I'm sure your physical outbursts are also a result of your dad being physical. We tend to imitate our parents, and that is the way you see to resolve things. That is not healthy. I don't know how you fix that other than through counseling. Does your dad ever show a lack of respect for your mom as well? Could it be that you don't respect your mom because of that?
Dude, she's your mom. Don't ever get physical with her like that again, because that's just beyond all reproach for a kid to do. It's just wrong.
You can get into verbal arguments with her when you disagree with her, but don't ever escalate it into violence again. Just because your dad does it doesn't make it right. You DO understand that, right? I mean, you don't have the opinion that it's ok to beat up your mom just because your dad is an abusive man, correct? I'd hate to see you carry on that family trait when you get married, because you're heading for a seriously bad life if you do.
Bottom line, be more respectful toward your mom. You wouldn't be standing there breathing today if it weren't for her. She was the one who carried you inside her body for 9 months and brought you into this world. She deserves a lot more respect than to have her son turn abusive toward her just because of a stupid disagreement about how to park a car. That's just lame.
Redneck Joe, don't go there. You two are turning the smallest things into big things over this issue that is between you two. It will never get settled like this, give it up. Ignore her when she says something that irritates you. It takes two to have an argument and if one doesn't cooperate with it there isn't an argument. Look back on all of the energy that both of you have put into this and for what? You do not have to prove anything in this relationship about you not failing. Put your energy into something positive, okay.
Your mother was right. You were obviously too close to the wall, but refused to admit she was right. Realize she is older, has more experience (especially with driving) and stop resenting her over it. You are in competition and that is not right. Yeah, I know younger people think they know it all, but recognize that and realize that you don't. Even if you think you think you are right, respect her enough to listen and heed what she is saying as long as you are not putting anyone in danger. You shouldn't get into any tight of struggle with your mother. My mother says things I disagree with all the time. I let them go. No reason to argue over them. She has her own opinion.