It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-12-2006, 07:20 AM   #1
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 77
Veldan HB User
Girlfriend was talking about cheating

My girlfriend and me have known each other for about 5 months, and have been going out for almost 3. She's into music a lot and lately she’s been getting the chance to work on it (this is a story in-itself - see below). The other day she started talking to be about cheating. First off she started asking me about sex with other people and such, after that she brought up the topic of sending naked pictures to people. I said that I didn't agree with any one of those things. My rational for that was that all of the things mentioned have to do with intimacy. Then she continued by stating that if she did get into music that she would probably end up doing something to ruin our relationship. I trust her completely, but when she says stuff like that, I just sort of have to step back and look at the big picture. In the end though, if it came down to her music, or me I would remove myself. Any thoughts or ideas?

The music story.
My girlfriend and I know each other from work. At work there is a third party. He is a musician. She started hanging out with him, and started to be more into her music.

 
Old 10-12-2006, 07:52 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 1,542
keepsgoin HB User
Re: Girlfriend was talking about cheating

She doesn't sound like someone that you could trust completely although maybe she does sound like someone that would just flat out tell you if there was something going on rather than doing it behind your back. I would expect that she isn't the one that you'll want to spend the rest of your life with because she's obviously not ready to be in a committed relationship.
__________________
I tells it likes a sees it

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 10-12-2006, 12:43 PM   #3
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 77
Veldan HB User
Re: Girlfriend was talking about cheating

By my definition cheating involves everything above making out (so snuggling, etc). Long story short, she feels trapped with me because of my definition. She would like to make out and snuggle with other people. Call me whatever you want to but I ended up giving her permission to do that. I'm not one that would limit another person. When I asked her why she would want to do something like this she stated that it was for artistic purposes.

On the one hand, I’m trapping her by not letting her do this, but on the other hand she’s trapping me because this is something that I don’t want to see her doing.

Thoughts, comments, suggestions?

 
Old 10-12-2006, 12:54 PM   #4
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 101
JBravo556 HB User
Re: Girlfriend was talking about cheating

my suggestion is to ditch this girl. it sounds like she is trying to manipulate you into agreeing that it is okay for her to fool around. do you really want to be with someone like this? as much as it hurts, there is nothing you can say or do to change her mind so the best thing to do is say goodbye to her.

 
Old 10-12-2006, 01:00 PM   #5
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 745
minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Girlfriend was talking about cheating

I think that making out and cuddling are definately forms of cheating. I think most people would agree!! I mean, what does making out and cuddling lead to -- sex, of course! Plus, you can get herpes from kissing.

A relationship that allows making out with other people is an open relationship. Sounds like that is what she wants. I don't buy the "artistic purposes" excuse, in fact I find that so stupid I laughed out loud. And, I've been involved with creative arts (music) for many years myself.

I suppose the only "artistic purpose" I can see that involves making out and cuddling would be messing around with someone in order to further your music career.

If she's "trapping" you because you don't want an open relationship and she does, then you really need to end this relationship.

Why does she even want a boyfriend if she doesn't want to remain faithful to him?

 
Old 10-12-2006, 01:05 PM   #6
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 77
Veldan HB User
Re: Girlfriend was talking about cheating

Minnesotagirl, you hit a key fact that I didn't mention. She wants an open relationship. Either that or we can 'be on pause' for the time being.

The thing that I don't get is why she would want to do something like this even though she knows how I feel about it. For me, a break up would be a last resort, let's just call it "self issues"

 
Old 10-12-2006, 01:50 PM   #7
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 745
minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Girlfriend was talking about cheating

Why does she want an open relationship even though she knows that you do not? Well, because she doesn't care enough about you to consider your needs. She is not looking for a committment with you. You've only been together 5 months. It is time to move on. For most poople, open relationships aren't acceptable, and most people would move on from this situation. It is not the last resort, it is really the only option.

 
Old 10-12-2006, 01:57 PM   #8
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 77
Veldan HB User
Re: Girlfriend was talking about cheating

Sorry this is something that I didn't state before, but she wants an open relationship for one month. Shes bi and said she wants to do something with her friend. On top of that she said that she isn't sure that she will do anything within the month. On top of that the 21st there is a party, she pretty much knows that "**** will happen" and she doesn't want me upset about it.

Last edited by Veldan; 10-12-2006 at 01:58 PM.

 
Old 10-12-2006, 02:02 PM   #9
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 745
minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Girlfriend was talking about cheating

If the one month period of an open relationship is not OK with you, then you can't "make yourself" be OK with something like that. If you stay with her while she is off messing around with other people, it will most like hurt your self esteem and your sense of self respect. Not to mention the chances of getting a disease from other people she is with. It's not worth it to stay with someone like this, especially if you're young, which I think you are. Don't compromise your beliefs especially on this issue.

 
Old 10-12-2006, 02:12 PM   #10
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 77
Veldan HB User
Re: Girlfriend was talking about cheating

Thanks for the advice, I guess I sort of have no choice now. If I don't break up with her, I can't actually trust her.

 
Old 10-13-2006, 11:48 AM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: pennsylvania
Posts: 1,355
jen52983 HB User
Re: Girlfriend was talking about cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by Veldan
My girlfriend and me have known each other for about 5 months, and have been going out for almost 3. She's into music a lot and lately she’s been getting the chance to work on it (this is a story in-itself - see below). The other day she started talking to be about cheating. First off she started asking me about sex with other people and such, after that she brought up the topic of sending naked pictures to people. I said that I didn't agree with any one of those things. My rational for that was that all of the things mentioned have to do with intimacy. Then she continued by stating that if she did get into music that she would probably end up doing something to ruin our relationship. I trust her completely, but when she says stuff like that, I just sort of have to step back and look at the big picture. In the end though, if it came down to her music, or me I would remove myself. Any thoughts or ideas?

The music story.
My girlfriend and I know each other from work. At work there is a third party. He is a musician. She started hanging out with him, and started to be more into her music.
I was with a guy once who told me.. "I will hurt you." (he meant emotionally, not phsyically..But he was right. He cheated on me, and just neglected me totally. Believe her when she says she will do something to ruin the relationship. If she's saying that now, then she must either know she will, or know she can't even trust herself.. so you shouldn't trust her either. I would get out now, before you become more emotionally involved.. safe yourself the pain...

Good luck

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Just found out my girlfriend could have cheated on me. Giant_Squid Relationship Health 12 06-25-2009 01:29 AM
Girlfriend has barely said a word to me all week. Giant_Squid Relationship Health 3 10-13-2008 12:45 PM
I cant tell. Do i want to be with my girlfriend, or not. MrZeely Relationship Health 39 08-06-2007 02:30 PM
wot do u do when u know he has a girlfriend vicky20012 Relationship Health 10 04-09-2007 05:20 AM
Girlfriend Help! JandT4ever Relationship Health 7 10-27-2006 12:41 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (271), rosequartz (251), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (95), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1164), MSJayhawk (997), Apollo123 (898), Titchou (832), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (745), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:24 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!