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-   -   Help!!!! Confused newly wed. (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/436860-help-confused-newly-wed.html)

JohnsGirlFlea 10-12-2006 07:32 PM

Help!!!! Confused newly wed.
 
Do I trust him? Should I just assume he is still sleeping with her?

Okay, I recently got married to a long time friend of mine aprox. 4 1/2 months ago. We only dated for about 2 months prior to our marrige, but we found ourselves madly in love and wanted to do things the right way..

We have the most awesome relationship he is still one of my best friends but...... Suddenly everything goes sour.

Out of no where he tells me that he just doesn't love me any more and tells me to get my **** and get out,seriously for no reason. I had to cancel our honey moon my dad arranged for us, it was horrible.
I am such a wreck at this point,trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with me and my 3 year old son.
three days later, he changes his mind. He said I think I am making a wrong decision, Bla bla bla....... so we worked it out everything was fine and then it happens again, he wants me to get out.

to get to the point this has happened over 7 times back and forth. He has me on a emotional roller coaster I have gotten to the point where I don't even want to un pack my bags because I know Damn well I will have to pack them again.
One Day he is so in Love with me and the next he hates my guts and swaers I was a big mistake.

Just a few weeks ago I caught him talking to his ex- wife ...
well after that I had detailed phone records printed out to see just how much he has really been talking to her and guess what he has talked to her every day at least 11 times a day since 2 weeks after we got married.
EVERY DAY!!!

In addition I found out he spent the night at her house and slept in her bed 2 weeks ago when he was supposivly with the boys... But they both swear they did not sleep together....
when I called him out on everything he swore up and down that he was so sorry and he loves me and agreed that he would never call her again. well, He called two days later about 10 different times for about 15 min. each time .

What am I supposed to do? I love him so much,. Can I fix him?

Did I mention they got a divorce because he cheated on her with 12 different women numberous amount of times.and they were only married for 7 months but still were sleeping together up un till we started dating so he says. He is one thing in my crazy life I was sure of, but now I am not so sure . where are all the good guys at what ever happened to "Marriage"why is it taken so lightly.

Bracelet 10-12-2006 08:11 PM

Re: Help!!!! Confused newly wed.
 
[QUOTE=JohnsGirlFlea] Do I trust him?
What am I supposed to do?
Can I fix him?[/QUOTE]

NO
Find a great lawyer and file for divorce
NO!!!!

You have to try to view this from an outside perspective. You said that he has a history of cheating on his ex. He obviously has a problem. Serious problem.

And with him constantly throwing you out and taking you back, I wouldn't be surprised if he was bipolar or something.

Seriously, chica, get out now. It's extremely unhealthy for your son to have to be around something like this. It would be so much better for him to grow up in a home where there is Stability and Love.

JohnsGirlFlea 10-12-2006 08:19 PM

Re: Help!!!! Confused newly wed.
 
[QUOTE=Bracelet]NO
Find a great lawyer and file for divorce
NO!!!!

You have to try to view this from an outside perspective. You said that he has a history of cheating on his ex. He obviously has a problem. Serious problem.

And with him constantly throwing you out and taking you back, I wouldn't be surprised if he was bipolar or something.

Seriously, chica, get out now. It's extremely unhealthy for your son to have to be around something like this. It would be so much better for him to grow up in a home where there is Stability and Love.

JohnsGirlFlea 10-12-2006 08:24 PM

Re: Help!!!! Confused newly wed.
 
Yeah but how ....?

How do I let go of someone that I love this much .....
I agree with you 100% but I can't let go.

I am only 23 and this will be my second divorce, for the same damn reason

brook65 10-13-2006 04:37 AM

Re: Help!!!! Confused newly wed.
 
[QUOTE=JohnsGirlFlea]Do I trust him?
Did I mention they got a divorce because he cheated on her with 12 different women numberous amount of times.and they were only married for 7 months but still were sleeping together up un till we started dating so he says. He is one thing in my crazy life I was sure of, but now I am not so sure . where are all the good guys at what ever happened to "Marriage"why is it taken so lightly.[/QUOTE]


In view of what you said above - I would say that you knew what type of husband material he was likely to be - one that wouldn't respect his wife!

I reckon because he mucked up big time with his wife, she kicked him out, and he has turned to you for comfort and reassurance. Now with him keep phoning her, I recon he is trying to maybe win her back, maybe she has him on a string, a kind of punishment, making him suffer or something like that. She might be promising a reconcillation one minute, then changing her mind the next, hence him keep changing his mind about you and him.

If he was genuinely with you 100 percent, then why is he calling her everyday, you have to wonder?

I personaly think this marraige is not genuine in his eyes, grab your kid and run. Next time make sure you see and act on those RED flags.

Sorry to be so negative, I am just saying what I am thinking after reading what you wrote.


Take care :)

StenoLady1 10-13-2006 05:13 AM

Re: Help!!!! Confused newly wed.
 
[QUOTE=JohnsGirlFlea]We only dated for about 2 months prior to our marrige, but we found ourselves madly in love and wanted to do things the right way..[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=JohnsGirlFlea]what ever happened to "Marriage"why is it taken so lightly.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=JohnsGirlFlea]I am only 23 and this will be my second divorce, for the same damn reason[/QUOTE]

Hmmm...maybe you're marrying too quickly? I mean, IMO, if you really want a marriage to last, you've really, really gotta be sure you've found your soulmate. Except in the rarest of circumstances, two months is not enough time to evaluate a partner for marriage. Yes, I read you'd been friends with him prior to that. Then you must have known he cheated on his ex with so many women. Now you're surprised he's off with another woman, and you want to fix him?

My suggestion would be to let him go. You both rushed in to marriage way too soon. He's doing this four months in to the marriage, after a courtship of two months. He's not husband material. Next guy you meet, don't rush in to marriage.

galinaqt 10-13-2006 01:59 PM

Re: Help!!!! Confused newly wed.
 
Just leave this guy and move out for good. Think about what it is doing to your emotional health. You are very young and have plenty of time to meet right person.
You have bad luck two times, it hurts but you shouldn't stay just 'cause somebody will say something. More important for you not to suffer.

happymom28 10-13-2006 02:14 PM

Re: Help!!!! Confused newly wed.
 
Okay, I'm going to be blunt so I'll appologize in advance if I offend you.

Throw his a#& out and find the best divorce attorney you can find. You will never change this man and do you really want to?

I know you "love him" but he his treating you like a door mat, not to even mention what this must be doing to your 3 year old. How is he/she handling all of this?

He cheated on he ex-wife with 12 girls. Now he has done it to you (I don't care what he says you know he did). You can probably get an annulment due to the adultery.

I'm sure your hurt and embarrassed, but none of this is your fault. Unfortunately most people who cheat will always cheat. It's in there nature to always see what else is out there.

If for no other reason think of your child. At that age they need love and stability and that is not what he/she has right now at home.

desertdweller 10-13-2006 02:24 PM

Re: Help!!!! Confused newly wed.
 
You have two options.
1. Stay with him and ride the roller coaster for the rest of your life, or until he dumps you for the next flavor of the month. Mess up your childs life by exposing him to years of turmoil and suffering.

2. Pull yourself up by your bootstaps and realize you made a mistake, but you have learned something from it. Rebuild your life, and go on.


This guy sounds Bipolar, and I'd bet my grandma's china that not only has he slept with his ex, but other women as well.


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