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Old 10-15-2006, 07:23 PM   #1
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Red face Okay - I screwed up - now what?

At my stag a "friend" bought a hooker for me. I declined to do anything with her - but I talked with her for about 15 minutes - I shook her hand.

I told me wife after the wedding and she didn't take it well at all. I understand this - but I didn't do anything.

I realized that I should have told my friend to *#*#*-off - where as I talked with the girl - then left.

My wife is asking my all sorts of questions, such as what did we talk about, what was she wearing, her name etc.

Did I mention it was my stag - I was very drunk, don't remember her name, what she was wearning (I remember street clothes - not bedroom clothes), and I remember doing NOTHING. I was drunk - not dead and dumb.

We went to a counsilor - a very nice and helpful person. I explained what I did - that it was my responsibility - "My Bad". I even said it wasn't the fault of my "friend" who bought her - because I'm an adult - I make my own decisions.

So - what do I do now...

* I'm out of town for a week helping my mother after an operation
* My wife is getting madder and madder back at home
* I'm so stressed my back is hurts - but if I went for a massage I think she'd think I'm getting a "massage with happy ending".
* Going back to the councilor when I'm back in town

Is there any hope - what can i do?

Any ideas to get me through the next few days?

 
Old 10-15-2006, 07:34 PM   #2
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

Honestly, I think your wife is over-reacting BIG TIME. You didn't even do anything! If she wants to be mad, she should be mad at your friend for hiring a hooker.

I don't know what you could possibly do...except tell your wife to chill out.
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Old 10-15-2006, 08:56 PM   #3
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

I think she's just testing you to figure out if you're being truthful about what happened with the hooker. I do it with my long-time boyfriend all the time. Since you didn't do anything with her, just answer her questions and continue being truthful. She'll get over it.

 
Old 10-16-2006, 07:51 AM   #4
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

I'm not sure why you are going to a councilor when it's your wife that has the problem with jealousy.
I can see your wife having anger, resentment, and suspicion towards your friend, but not you.

 
Old 10-16-2006, 09:02 AM   #5
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ament
I think she's just testing you to figure out if you're being truthful about what happened with the hooker. I do it with my long-time boyfriend all the time. Since you didn't do anything with her, just answer her questions and continue being truthful. She'll get over it.

I don't think she is testing you. It sounds like she has trust and jealousy issues. She shouldn't have to test you if there is trust. Has something else happened in the past that makes her not trust you or get this jealous? I don't think you did anything wrong. All you did was talk. I say you just have to keep telling her the truth and if she doesn't believe it then it is her issue not yours to deal with. Plus, I don't think there should be a need to "test" someone you are going to marry. You only do that in the beginning phases of a relationship even then there has to be some kind of trust built. Hope this helps.

 
Old 10-16-2006, 09:07 AM   #6
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

If i was your wife, I probably wouldn't believe you either.....in fact, I may not have even married you. whether you did anything or not....you shouldn't have been in that situation.
did she know this before the wedding?

 
Old 10-16-2006, 09:42 AM   #7
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

Hi sorry, but I don't get what you have supposed to of done wrong here!

Your freind did something daft, as a joke, hey it was a Stag Night, men do thse things as a laugh! I am sure your mate didn't expect you to even contemplate 'doing anything!' he did it as a bit of a joke! I have heard of worse at stag nights.

You did the right thing, you were polite, and curtious, she was paid for her time, and you were polite to talk to her and shake her hand.

Your wife doesn't trust you obviously, she has issues from the past I would say.

If she is not happy with your explaination of events that evening, ask her what explaination she would be happy with?

She shouldn't make you suffer for something that was decided on by your mate, and not you.

Last edited by brook65; 10-16-2006 at 09:43 AM.

 
Old 10-16-2006, 10:02 AM   #8
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

Since you did nothing wrong it would have been best to keep this to yourself. Why would you even bring this up? You should go back and tell her that they did this as a joke and that she was a midget or something...

 
Old 10-16-2006, 10:05 AM   #9
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JBravo556
Since you did nothing wrong it would have been best to keep this to yourself. Why would you even bring this up? You should go back and tell her that they did this as a joke and that she was a midget or something...
great idea! Now lie to her!!! That will fix everything!

 
Old 10-16-2006, 10:46 AM   #10
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JBravo556
Since you did nothing wrong it would have been best to keep this to yourself. Why would you even bring this up? You should go back and tell her that they did this as a joke and that she was a midget or something...

BUT - seeing as he did nothing wrong, and had NOTHING to hide, then why should he of kept it to himself?

Surely keeping it to himself, and then her finding out later, wouldn't that then get her asking ' well if it was all innocent, then why did you keep it to yourself?'


This is just so so silly

 
Old 10-16-2006, 10:59 AM   #11
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

If that would have been me I would never let my bf EVER hangout with that friend again.I would not have been mad at my bf but a little disturbed that he felt a need to tell me that.Some things are better left not said.

 
Old 10-16-2006, 12:39 PM   #12
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

I think that anyone in his wife's position would be ******. If it had happened to me I would be ******. The sad thing is that the trust in this relationship is zero right now. That will be hard to build back up.

 
Old 10-16-2006, 12:39 PM   #13
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

I think that anyone in his wife's position would be ******. If it had happened to me I would be ******. The sad thing is that the trust in this relationship is zero right now. That will be hard to build back up. I still think you would have been better off not saying anything. You must have known that she would not react well.

 
Old 10-17-2006, 05:36 AM   #14
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

Quote:
Originally Posted by brook65
BUT - seeing as he did nothing wrong, and had NOTHING to hide, then why should he of kept it to himself?
...
This is just so so silly
I commend you for going to counselling with your wife. However, as to telling the truth or not, I think about the wife who comes to her husband, asking "Do I look FAT in these (jeans/dress/blouse, etc.)???" Hubby ain't gonna say "YES!!" unless he's got a death wish.

Is there any chance that you can hire the woman to spend an hour talking with your wife? Don't know if it would help or hurt. Depends on the lady.

wb

 
Old 10-17-2006, 05:54 AM   #15
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Re: Okay - I screwed up - now what?

WB

But the point that I was making was if he had of had
something to hide - then he probably wouldn't of said anything.

I would think that he innocently mentioned it to her, expecting to laugh at it, as it was just something his mates did as a laugh on his stag night.

I think maybe the only thing he did wrong here, is he forgot how untrusting and insecure his wife obviously is.

 
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