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Old 10-16-2006, 07:25 AM   #1
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ukfan25 HB User
girlfriend says she needs to be single

i need help. about two weeks ago my girlfriend broke up with me. we had been dating for 4 months. she goes to college no more than one hour away from where i live and work. needless to say, i am a few years older than her. i work at a golf course, and that is where we met. she got a job working there for the summer. from the moment we met, there was an instant attraction on both sides. we flirted and what not for about a month before we started dating. every single moment we spent together was amazing. we had more fun together than i ever imagined possible. she would tell me things like: "i would marry you tomorrow" and "you cant go anywhere, beacause you have no idea what youve done to me" and "i never thought i could love someone so much so fast". i felt the exact same way about her. we went on trips together, and just had so much fun with one another. so about a month and a half ago, she goes back to college. we continue to date and see eachother about 3 to 4 times a week. yeah it was different not being around her all the time and it sucked at times, but it was not the end of the world. everything was fine between us. then came october. her schedule for school was very hectic, and my work schedule appeared to be the same. the very day i gave her my work schedule for the month, later on that night she begins to question our relationship. she said that she feels like at some point in her life she needs to be single and do things on her own. now, in her defense, ever since she was 14 she has been in a relationship for the most part. never really been single for a significant amount of time. she promised me that it had nothing to do with me personally, and i believe her. she also promised there was not another guy in the picture, nor would there be. we have a very honest and open relationship, and i trust whole heartedly. she says that she is not giving up on us as a couple, and that she still wants to talk to me and see me. but for now she wants me to be patient (if i can and am willing) until she figures "some things" out. at the same time she says that she cant make any promises about us in the future, which i understand. i have talked to her a good amount since all this happened, but i havent seen her at all. and i probably wont see her for about a month as of right now. i miss seeing her so bad, and it seems like forever before i will see her again. i just dont know what to do. when i talk to her, i dont want to ask if we are gonna get back together, i just want to be there to support her. but at the same time, its killing me wondering what is gonna happen. i love her more than words can describe, and the thought of losing her makes me sick. i am just really confused. any advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks.

 
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Old 10-16-2006, 10:08 AM   #2
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JBravo556 HB User
Re: girlfriend says she needs to be single

well whatever you don't call her.

let me say this again, DON'T CALL HER !!!

how do I know? I just went through the same thing with my ex that broke up with me in September. We went out for eight months. The break up was for similiar things. I tried to work things out with her and she kept distancing herself. Now that I haven't called she calls me... but guess what? now I don't want anything to do with her.

my first reaction would be to assume that there was another guy. it's 50/50 but I can guarantee that if there is another guy she won't tell you. why would she? she might want to keep you around in case it doesn't workout with the new guy.

Do yourself a favor and move on, it is not worth the pain you're going to go through if you try and stick around. I know it is rough because I just went through it (search for my previous posts under the name 'jbravo223')... you don't want to make yourself look desperate.

 
Old 10-16-2006, 10:33 AM   #3
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susieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB Usersusieq0726 HB User
Re: girlfriend says she needs to be single

Well I would say it's either A or B.
(A) She's really met someone else, but until she knows it's going to work out she wants you "just in case"
(B) She's actually confused about where her head is right now and doesn't want a commitment, but doesn't want you to commit to someone else. (You know, the old "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you either")
People go through alot of changes when they are young and in college. You may be in a place in your life where you are ready for more of a committment than she is. Only time will tell.
I know it hurts right now, but the best thing you can do is give her what she is asking for. People need to be careful what they wish for - They just might get it.
I wouldn't wait around for her. Tell her OK - You will give her the space she wants, but while you love her, you are not going to promise her anything. That's pretty much what she told you, right? People have to take responsibility and realize the choices they make don't always turn out the way they want or expect.

 
Old 10-17-2006, 02:34 AM   #4
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rendill HB User
Re: girlfriend says she needs to be single

It sounds like you're a very patient, big-hearted, nice guy. I didn't think those existed .

My guess is that your ex really is going through some confusing times. Even though I'm struggling with a really bad relationship/breakup, there have always been times (now and in the past) when I feel like I need to be alone so that I can grow as a person too. I'm also young.. 19 years old.

But from what I've learned... being too nice and too patient can get you in to serious trouble. Some people mistake kindness for weakness, and walk all over you in return. They learn that you're there for them, even when they aren't there for you.. and that is very painful. My ex has always made me feel worthless in this very way. Never let yourself go through that if you don't have to.

If I were you, I would be there for her if she needs you (talk to her on the phone or through email), but go on with your own life at the same time. Go out, experience new things, and do exactly what she's doing! You may find that you're better off without anyone right now too, or you may meet someone who is ready for the love and kind of relationship that you want. It's hard and it sucks... I know. And I still don't know how exactly you get over someone... but you can save yourself a lot of pain by backing off now, and let her come to you when she thinks she's ready. If it's meant to be, it'll be.

-Nicole

 
Old 10-17-2006, 04:49 AM   #5
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Re: girlfriend says she needs to be single

I was in her position once. I had been in and out of very long term relationships for the latter part of my teen years and all the way up until I was 30. I never took the time for myself. Those are some of the most crucial times to learn who you are, and if you're always in a relationship, it's extremely hard to define yourself on your own when you're always with someone.

I know how she feels. I think you should let her go. I honestly don't believe there's another guy. There was never another guy for me, I just wanted to be on my own for once so I could learn how to be independant and how to live for me. I totally know how she feels. I know it sucks for you, but if you love her, then you should let her go.

And in the meantime, I don't think you should wait for her. Don't necessarily go out and try to date again right away, but if you should happen to meet a cool person, don't be closed off to it just because of this girl. Just go with the flow. Who knows? You may learn a thing or two about yourself in the process, and you may end up finding someone who is actually more suited for you. It can happen.

 
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