Ok I feel a bit elementary school-ish about this thread, but here goes.
I keep finding guys that I just cant read whatsoever. I met this guy at a friend's party. Actually, my friends there offered their opinion that he was 'interested in me' before i even noticed that he might be. I just thought he was nice, cute and fun to talk to. We ended up talking all night, literally me and him alone in the booth, and we took a little walk after the party and ended up sharing a cab home b/c we both live close to each other. We exchanged #s, and that was that.
Nothing happened for a few days, and then I had noticed that he had added me as a friend on one of those stupid networking sites. So I sent him a message basically poking fun at him, saying "you don't call me, but you add me as a friend on this site?!" And I put a little wink sign so he'd know I was kidding. Basically I was just hinting around. A few days go by and I figured I would call him to say hi since I hadnt heard from him. He picked up, seemed happy to hear from me and we chatted until he got on the subway, then he immediately called me back b/c he had JUST read my message on that site and was laughing over how juvenile he had been and how I had called him out on that.
Fast forward to today. I work up by where he lives, and on my lunch break I was grabbing a coffee and decided to text him to see if he wanted to stop by (he had asked me a few times if I am ever up in his area). I figured he wouldnt b/c he was studying (he is getting his PhD). Well, he texted right back saying he couldnt stay long but he wanted to stop by to say hi. So he walked the 10 blocks or so out of his way. When he showed up, I went up to greet him, and he says "Hey BUDDY". (??!!) It was bad enough that he said the word 'buddy', but it also pretty much insinuated "I am not trying to date you whatsoever" imo. He also went in to to hug me but didnt and it was almost like he got a little flustered. So he came over and sat with me and we chatted and 2 min. into the convo this annoying man at a table next to us was apparantly eavesdropping & started talking to him about what he studies and WOULDNT STOP. The guy even kicked me under the table, so I knew he was annoyed too. Ten min. later, I had to go back to work, so I never even really got to talk to him. So he walked me out and then he got all serious and told me thanks for calling him and that we should hang out again. Then he said how annoying that guy was for not shutting up, and that we'd make up for it and talk soon.
Is he into me or what? I think the buddy comment kind of ruined it for me...but he also seems like the kind of nice, somewhat dorky sweet guy that just doesnt jump on a girl if hes into her (WHEW!! Sigh of relief). Part of me feels he just wants to be friends but part of me feels a lot of chemistry when we actually hang out. So Im not going to call him again until he makes a move...but I also like to pursue, and I just dont want to make an a** out of myself if I come onto him and he gets totally blindsighted. I dont mind being friends if thats all it is, but Im attracted to him so its hard to know how to act...friendly or interested?
Oh my goodness girl. Are you OK? OF COURSE HE IS INTERESTED IN YOU!! What man walks 10 blocks to spend some time with a girl for a little bit during the afternoon -- much less taking time out of his PhD studying to do so?!?!? And, what man spends all of his time at a party talking to just one girl unless he's interested in her? Afterall, this is a man we're talking about here. Unless he is gay or something, I don't think he'd spend this much time/effort into you, no matter how much of a great guy he is, they all think at least a little bit with their under regions in the back of their minds. So of course he is interested in you. The buddy comment -- that could mean that he is concerned that you're not interested in him. He must really like you, I think. He might be smacking himself upside the head for that comment, too. If you like to pursue, then pursue. I am sure you know your boundries right? Go for it!
Yeeeah...I dont know...walking to meet me today was definitely surprising. And he seems genuinely interested in what I have to say and was TRYING to give me his full attention despite that annoying man who wouldnt shut up.
But I think hes the type that has a bunch of female friends? Who knows. I just wish he would call me and then I could know more, but he hasnt, so that makes me wonder as well.
This situation reminds me a bit of my ex-boyfriend who later became my first love and vice versa of a few years. Before we dated he was always very nice to me, but never initiated a thing and I used to get so frustrated b/c I just figured hed never see me as more than some silly girl who talked to him all the time. That is, until I basically told him straight out I was interested and threw myself at him, haha. Then it was all amazing from there. Turns out he just wasnt the type to pursue a girl.
I dont want to analyze the situation to death (as Im sure I am doing) but I just dont want to strongly pursue a guy that has no clue that Im even attracted to him. And if he does just want to be friends I would hate to destroy that possibility by coming on to him and freaking him out.
look... if the guy wasn't interested he probably would not try and meet up with you. Men don't go out of their way to make female friends so he is interested in you... have you ever heard of the "ladder theory", if not look it up in the web. it will reinforce what I am saying.
Hey girl, I wouldn't let the "Hey Buddy" comment get to you. After all, that is pretty much what the two of you are as of right now - buddies. It's possible that he feels just like you do - ie, hoping that you're interested in him, but wanting to be careful in case you aren't.
I don't think you should be afraid of freaking him out by showing you're attracted to him. So many people second-guess and doubt themselves when it comes to dating and the opposite sex, that sometimes it is nice to have someone spell everything out. And even if for some reason he isn't interested in you, then he'd still have to be flattered at least.
But I think the ball is in his court now. You did good by calling him and setting up a little get together, even if it was brief and interrupted. You got the ball rolling, so if he likes you then he'll definetly call. If not, then something is wrong with him
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~
Thats usually my style- coming right out and saying how I feel! I tend to not be afraid of rejection so much when I pursue someone b/c my tactics have typically worked in the past- BUT what they DONT go for is remaining a good guy long-term; Ive been cheated on and left for other people, so I am just trying to be very picky and move cautiously as I get back into the game. I dont want to jump on someone too soon if theyre just not going to be as into me in return.
But youre right, the 'buddy' comment, albeit cheesey, might not mean anything. My mom even said that sometimes guys say stupid things b/c they dont know what else to say (sorry guys) and that girls read into it way too much.
Come to think of it Im not sure if Ive EVER had a guy other than my last boyfriend jump up from whatever they're doing and come see me. It would be nice for him to call me and make some initiative though!!
*Oh and JBravo, I read the ladder theory. Very interesting, haha.
I'm in the same exact situation. This guy I've been "seeing". Really don't know what is going on but the just friend line (in my opinion) has been crossed. He calls me buddy too and that confuses me to no end. Granted he is from the south so who knows. So, I feel your pain. It sucks not knowing and like you I tend to be the one who does the pursuing. So, just sitting back and letting things happen on there own is kind of hard for me...lol! And they say women are confusing. I hate to say it but as hard as it is I would just let things progress naturally. I know I am trying to do that myself with this guy of mine...lol! Always here if you need to chat.
Hi citygirl, I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired of meeting guys who don't make it clear that they want a woman. I'm tired of wondering if I don't make the effort, will he? Ohhhh, don't you long for a man to want you AND LET YOU KNOW HE IS SERIOUS? I once read that a man who doesn't know what he wants, doesn't want what he has. So, I'm going to find a man who knows what he wants and knows that it's me. I won't settle for less, ever again.
Thanks for your input Well, hes definitely not southern- hes from Boston haha, and originally has some type of greek &/or middle eastern background. But who knows. I just always get confused with the really 'nice guys' who are all innocent and sweet b/c you can never tell if they are just trying to be friends or if they're interested- the guys that are super hot and sexy (and typically a-holes, in my experience at least) let you know right away! He hasnt called me so IIIIII dont know....but it is in the middle of his midterms so I guess I'll just have to see. Im just impatient, once I know I like someone, I go after them! Hehe.
*Oh, and Eve- I hear ya. But I just met this guy less than 2 weeks ago, so I'm gonna cut him some slack. But Id just like to know if he sees me as being a friend some day or something more...just, u know, so I know what direction to progress in.
*Oh, and Eve- I hear ya. But I just met this guy less than 2 weeks ago, so I'm gonna cut him some slack. But Id just like to know if he sees me as being a friend some day or something more...
CG, I get that, I mean two weeks isn't that long, but it is long enough to express interest in starting something. I'm not feeling that from what you've written. I'm at a point that if a man is romantically interested in me, just let me know with words or actions. I don't need, or want, to hear "I love you" after only two weeks, but for heaven's sake let me know you are interested and willing to do SOME of the work. That he might be willing to take some steps to starting something. After a few months I would expect some signs that he is willing to deepen the relationship, either that or I'd stop wasting my time and feelings.
Yeah, I agree with you. It would be nice to know sometime soon. Part of me though has been in a situation similar to this before (w/ my ex). And I just kept pursuing but it wasnt so hard b/c I would always run into him when I was out. This requires phone calls, etc. and I dont want to look desperate or stalker-esque.
Youre right though, I definitely dont want to chase after someone that isnt going to reciprocate something. I just dont know what my next move should be...or if there should even be a next move...
So - let's not worry about what the guy wants - what do you want. Do you want a guys who will "sweep you off your feet". Call you and spend 3 hours having coffee while looking deep in your eyes.
Of course some woment LOVE it when men take it slow - a friend of mine is with a GREAT women - the didn't have sex until they'd dated for about 6 months. Most men/women I know want someone who moves quicker then this.
If you feel he's not moving quick enough - showing you enough (doesn't matter if some thinks guys don't walk 10 blocks for a coffee unless there interested) - then move on. Maybe in a few weeks he'll call you - and move on quick enough.
Ok thanks for reinstilling that for me- I think I knew I shouldnt do anything, but I also want to make it a little known that Im interested in him in case hes completely clueless. But next time I see him I'll try to read the situation, and we'll see if he makes a move sometime soon.