I have a good relationship with my husband, but we do argue about one thing......the in-laws, and where to spend Christmas. We have the same exact argument every single year. Anyone else have this problem and how do you resolve it? We could do the every other year thing, but I can't stand being around his family. I know that sounds mean, but it's true. His dad is an alcoholic and his mom is extremley obese and hardly walks. I guess I just have to swallow and accept it. Thanks for reading
I think you do have to accept it, because you chose to marry this man, presumably knowing what his parents are like. Whilst it's true that you married him, not his family, in some respects it's a package deal.
I think really the best you can hope for is the "every other year" thing, unless both sets of parents live close enough that you could 50/50 split Christmas day between them?
Unless he decides that he'd rather see your parents at Christmas than his, I think you're stuck with the situation.
A lot of people do the thing of christmas day with one side of the family, boxing day (the following day) with the other side. Then the next year switch it. That way everyone is kept happy and you don't have a rushed christmas where you have to split the day in half.
Christmas only comes one day a year, and it's suppose to be a happy day so just try to grin and bear it
Carisa - can you provide us with some more information? Do your in-laws live near you?
I can't stand my in laws either. However, they live 4 hours away so we can't do the morning with my family and then the evening with them when it comes to Christmas. We often go and visit his family the day after Christmas and stay about 2-3 days.
If your in-laws live near you, then yes, you do need to split the time. You can do Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas day with the other. Or do lunch with one family on Christmas day and dinner with the other. Regardless of whether or not you like them, it needs to be done. Don't expect to spend the entire day with just one family - especially if you live close to both.
Also - what do you do on Thanksgiving, Easter, etc.?
P.S. - our in laws should get together themselves! My MIL is also very obese (so much so that she is disabled) so she does nothing but boss people around and have them wait on her hand and foot. My FIL is rather nice and sweet, but it kills me how he gives in to her every demand.
My hubby and I are having our first baby very soon. HIs mother made a comment in the past about us coming out to see them for Christmas. I made it clear to her that our children will wake up in their own home Christmas morning - just as I did when I was a kid. If they want to come and visit us, then they are more than welcome, but I am not packing up bags, presents, and a baby and driving 4 hours away to be with family when I am going to have my own.
You also have to keep your hubby's feelings in mind through all of this too. You want to do what is fair. You don't want to keep him from his family. Although you may not like your in-laws, you need to respect them as your hubby's parents just to keep the peace.
I would suggest trying to incorporate other holidays into the mix, like keltokel suggested. Perhaps Thanksgiving with one family, Christmas with the other. My family has everyone over for Thanksgiving, but since we don't have them over for Christmas, we decorate everything for Christmas right before Thanksgiving, and it makes the house and everything more festive. If they live far and one trip per season is all you can do, maybe even talk about exchanging gifts then. I know it sounds a little odd, but in these days where stores put out their christmas decor in September, and the christmas songs start blaring on the radio on November 1st, it might not feel too out of the ordinary.
I'm blessed in that I have terrific in-laws, but something we do between the families is someone gets "assigned" a holiday to do at their home. Anyone who wishes to come for dinner (and that's it ... there are many wonderful hotels close by) is welcome.
I do Christmas Day.
My mother does Christmas Eve (we're Italian, so this is a big night for us).
My MIL does Easter.
My SIL does Thanksgiving.
Sometimes we need to flipflop something one year, and maybe, for instance, we won't see my in-laws for Thanksgiving, but we'll see them Christmas. This has worked for us for eight years, everyone seems okay with it, and no one gets stuck cooking for every holiday. Two holidays are spent either at our home or my mother's; two holidays are spent at the in-laws' homes.
I agree with dewdrop. I make a nice dinner and invite both families every year (including siblings so it gets pretty hectic).
Since my in-laws live an hour away they spend the night x-mas eve. My parents only live 5 minutes away so they can hop right in the car first thing in the morning since they love to see the kids open their gifts.
I just find it easier to be at my own house and then the kids are a lot happier too.
i refuse to deal with an alcoholic. oh my gosh. but i refuse to deal with a lot of stuff! maybe that's why i'm 25 and unmarried!
Unfortunately, when you get married, it is all about compromise. If you love your partner, you have to often suck these things up. Although, my in-laws drive me insane, I knew about their behavior and still chose to marry my hubby. I made the choice then and knew what I was getting myself into.
If you know ahead of time that you can't deal with an alcoholic, then that is something you would want to look out for before you get married. However, no family is perfect and when you love someone, you take the good with the bad.
Knowing how my in laws are, I would still marry my husband all over again.
Keltokel- You are so right, I would marry my husband all over again even though I really don't like my in-laws. My in-laws also live 4 hours away, otherwise things would be much easier. As of now we are doing Thanksgiving with my parents and Christmas with his. I think I've accepted it now even though I can't stand the thought. Like you said, I do it for him and it makes him happy. We are with my family most of the time and I can't be selfish. Although even he thinks his family is weird. My MIL also makes us wait on her hand and foot. We have to get everything for her because she doesn't like to move, it's hard for her to get around so we are constantly handing her drinks, books, papers, boxes, you name it........We will be upstairs and we will hear our names being called, we run down and see what she wants, and she will wnat us to hand her something that is right in front of her, but she will have to get up to get it, so she'll just call us. It's easier I guess. It's actually kind of amusing if you sit back and picture it.
Hoop-That's funny, fruitcake, although I think my MIL would actually welcome that!
A few of you mentioned us doing it at our house. We actually just came up with that idea lastnight. We are going to try that next year. I don't think they will end up coming if we do that. They are not big travelers.
I didn't realize so many people understand. I guess that's why there are so many in-law jokes. I never got that until I met my hubby.