laurie864bla

Hey all....long time no talk!!

Trying to not wallow in my lonliness/breakup and get on with MY life and MY happiness, so have been avoiding the boards pretty much...


I'm doing well...don't think about him as much anymore, altho had a set back the other day when I had a horrible, very vivid dream that I was forced to watch him have sex with a new GF. It was awful...had to keep telling myself over and over it was a dream.

I have been focusing on ME...started up excersizing, yoga, cleaning my house thoroughly, firing up my business, working, and trying to grow--realize what it is I want--and how to get there... Also spending lots of time with kids, getting them back on track with chores around the house to help me out.


So far, so good. Have plans w friends this weekend to go to a wine festival, so that should be fun too.. I actually am meeting a guy for a drink tonight. Near my age, very very nice, very together, great job...and a little outside of my box of late. Not putting ANY pressure on myself to "like" him or to try and make him like me. Just to enjoy some adult conversation for an hour or two...that's it. I have already told this guy I don't think I am ready for much of anything but friendship, and he has been really cool, respectful, and understanding of that.

SO, we'll see. Have a meeting at 4 with my mentor in the company to help me get more motivated...confessed to her I needed help in that department, and was probably a little depressed--and could use some help. (big deal for me...so I was proud of that...she was VERY receptive, validating etc... and think she can really help me)

I have discovered it takes a plan for just about everything one does in life. That I must be goal oriented, or I stagnate. I feel like I have a life I am trying to steer that is always pulling to one side--and I have to be aware enuf to correct it and keep it straight for now. That every single day it is a challenge to make decisions that are right for me...and that I'm really out of practice. I want to be proud of myself again..in all my choices...not make excuses or give reasons why I have done what I have done, however justified I thought they were. Hopefully, one day--my "steering" will feel easy...like I'm perfectly aligned again.

I guess I'm learning and growing, like I wanted to, and that's good. Acceptance feels like it might be the right term I am approaching. Acceptance that my divorce hit me much harder than I thought, that I do have issues that I need to work on, that I have been avoiding lots of things, that I am afraid of lots of things, and on and on.....

Feeling quite philosophical these days, huh? lol.... Oh well, I just wanted to share that I think I'm on the right path, and that it does feel like WORK every single day. BUT IT IS WORKING...so if that may help anyone....that's why I'm writing. I'll keep ya updated from time to time with my progress...One thing I'm trying to do is GO SLOW--with decisions and reactions. Thinking everything thru...so I won't be on a lot with these impulse questions. Working on solving my own problems as much as possible.......love you guys...