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Old 10-19-2006, 10:18 AM   #1
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Question, views on this...

Okay, I am the type of person that if I'm just friends with a guy I do not travel alone with them anywhere. Period. Who knows who else is in the picture...save myself the drama, etc. Anyways, I asked this guy I met a couple months ago if he wanted to go to the beach with me. Meaning just the two of us. He has agreed. Now, do guys normally travel alone with a girl they are just friends with? He had been wanting to go for a while and kept hinting at it and finally I just asked him if he wanted to go with me. I'm just confused, because I have strict lines I don't like to cross if we are just friends. You know? Basically I'm just trying to get a guys perspective on this. I don't know how you all view and approach being just friends with a girl when it comes to this type of situation. Any input would be great. If you need more clarification just ask...I'm not always the best at expressing myself in writing.

 
Old 10-19-2006, 10:32 AM   #2
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Re: Question, views on this...

I think you're overanalyzing. I've been friends with a lot of different guys and done things just the two of us many times. Whether it was going out to dinner (dutch, of course) or a movie (ditto) or whatever, it didn't matter, but we would routinely spend time alone together all the time. It's not that big of a deal.

If you know that you're just friends and that's all you want it to ever be, then you have nothing to worry about. There's no reason why you can't spend time with just your guy friend and you with the expectation that it's a friends thing. As long as you've made it clear that you intend for this relationship to always remain on a friendship level, then I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Again, I think you're overanalyzing the situation needlessly.

 
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Old 10-19-2006, 10:55 AM   #3
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Re: Question, views on this...

there is something called the "ladder theory".
The theory basically states that a woman has two ladders when it comes two men. One for friends and one for lovers. When she meets a man she puts him on one of these ladders; i.e, she puts him in the catagory of a potential lover or just a friend. Men on the other hand have only one ladder. The higher up on the ladder you are the more he wants to sleep with you. A woman on the bottom of the ladder is someone the guy would sleep with if all other options failed.

You see, there is no such thing as a female friend in a man's mind. I used to think I had female friends, but after long hard thinking, the truth is that I would sleep with any of my female friends.

IF A MAN FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS

Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:

1)The guy is gay
2)The guy does not find you attractive.
3)The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder

Last edited by Administrator; 08-08-2010 at 01:38 PM.

 
Old 10-19-2006, 11:42 AM   #4
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Re: Question, views on this...

That is so true in a lot of regards. Thanks for the info. Still doesn't clarify the confusion I have regarding this situation. Only jokin! I'll just let time play its course.

Last edited by Administrator; 08-08-2010 at 01:38 PM.

 
Old 10-19-2006, 12:41 PM   #5
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Re: Question, views on this...

to reply to the original post......I think you're trying to be too rigid and too controlling....trying to put relationships and feelings into little square boxes..... I'm wondering if you're American or from a different culture, because there is nothing wrong with travelling, hanging out, etc with someone alone as a friend. BUT the guy in your situation may be wondering if you have feelings for him that are more than friends since you invited him........do you? If you do there's nothing wrong with that......I also think you're overanalyzing things.

Last edited by Administrator; 08-08-2010 at 01:39 PM.

 
Old 10-19-2006, 12:51 PM   #6
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Re: Question, views on this...

Actually I'm from the US (born and raised). I don't believe I'm trying to be controlling or rigid. Just out of curiousity, how did you get that from my post? In fact I am quite the opposite. I'm probably one of the most laid back people you could possibly meet. He actually invited himself and then I formally invited him. Anyways, I was just looking for others take on this issue. Maybe I am just more old fashioned in how I view male/female relationships. I will admit I tend to over analyze things. Have been that way my entire life. Anyways, I do appreciate everyone's input.

 
Old 10-19-2006, 01:05 PM   #7
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Re: Question, views on this...

I guess I just made that incorrect assumption because your posted sounded filled with caution and rigidity regarding relationships that sometimes comes with different cultures. So do you like him as a friend or as more than friends?

 
Old 10-19-2006, 01:08 PM   #8
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Re: Question, views on this...

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz
I guess I just made that incorrect assumption because your posted sounded filled with caution and rigidity regarding relationships that sometimes comes with different cultures. So do you like him as a friend or as more than friends?
Probably sounds like it is filled with caution because I do like him more than a friend and I get mixed signals from him. That is where the confusion comes from. Like I said, I guess time will tell.

 
Old 10-19-2006, 01:12 PM   #9
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Re: Question, views on this...

well I bet he might just say the same thing! Why not talk to him, tell him how you feel.....you know....good old communication.....

what have you got to lose? you may be pleasantly surprised!

Good luck!

Last edited by Administrator; 08-08-2010 at 01:40 PM.

 
Old 10-19-2006, 06:00 PM   #10
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Re: Question, views on this...

Im in a similar situation, I think you responded in my post (thanks!) so...while I may not have much insight on the issue I will give you my opinion

I agree that you are overanalyzing this, but then again I do that all the time so I know how sometimes its hard not to. Im in a situation where it seems there is 'something' between me and a guy but Im starting to think it may just be in my head and not his! Its hard to tell when you just 'hang out' together and nothing physical happens (as it sometimes goes if you look at relationships traditionally, as you say you do, and take it slow at the beginning). Who knows what is REALLY going on in both people's heads?!

But to answer your specific question, I dont think theres anything wrong with hanging out with a member of the opposite sex in a one-on-one, platonic situation. I have actually never heard that, to be honest. I think that you're a smart, capable girl who wuold be able to be in control of the situation...whatever situation you're scared of, that is (Im not quite sure?). If someone would try to start drama, or your male 'friend' would try to jump on you or god knows what else, Im sure you are capable of handling it. Avoiding male -female platonic bonding just sounds a bit extreme to me, imo.

And, in THIS situation specifically, I highly doubt that a guy looks at this sort of stuff the same way at all. From what Ive learned, women tend to read so deep into stuff and guys dont have a clue. Hes probably just thinking of the beach and having fun with you and not thinking about the 'alone bonding-time' and what it means for you two at all, hehe. I would just go, dont worry about it, have fun, and maybe try and make a little move or open up some communication and try and figure out his intentions Good luck- maybe you'll have more luck than Im having!!

 
Old 10-20-2006, 06:11 AM   #11
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Re: Question, views on this...

Yeah I know I tend to overanalyze. It is in my nature. Anyways, there is still plenty of time for him to bail. But, I have just decided to not worry about it. Like you said I can control the situation. Have done it before and will do it again if need be. Thanks for the input and I apologize if I sound like a whiny little girl who has never dealt with this stuff before. Believe me I have. Usually I can keep my cool with guys, but this one has me all up in arms and confused as anything.

 
Old 10-20-2006, 03:02 PM   #12
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Re: Question, views on this...

Oh god dont apologize!! In my opinion that is what these boards are for...a lot of the time I just write out my inner feelings, such as I would in a journal, on these boards...but its better b/c you actually get advice back. Whereas, if I was to take all these issues to my friends, I would probably drive them nuts with my overanalyzing, hehe. So by all means, overanalyze away! I do it too, which can be annoying but sometimes I think its good in ways...it allows you to really gain some extra insight on yourself and other ppl. Its just been it becomes a little unhealthy (i.e., being neurotic, not listening to people's advice, perseverating with certain issues) that its not such a good thing.
Anyway you dont sound like a whiny girl, I know how situations with guys can be when they give you nothing to go on (or very little). I got called 'bud' again by my confusing boy yesterday, so Im starting to think that this one is a bust! Oh well...it helps that the word 'buddy' is making me feel less and less attracted to him with each usage, hahaha.
Good luck and let us know what happens with you two.

 
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