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Old 10-19-2006, 09:27 PM   #1
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Question I know why relationships don't work anymore...

It's because we have become an instant upgrade society. No matter what it is, people are always looking for bigger and better, advertisers tell us we should and technology makes it possible. It's no wonder that people are quick to leave a relationship instead of working on it, we're trained to think that something bigger and better is right around the corner. So if this is true, how do you make a relationship last?

 
Old 10-19-2006, 10:17 PM   #2
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Re: I know why relationships don't work anymore...

you have more than one at the same time!

 
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Old 10-20-2006, 12:01 AM   #3
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Re: I know why relationships don't work anymore...

Quote:
Originally Posted by JBravo556
It's because we have become an instant upgrade society. No matter what it is, people are always looking for bigger and better, advertisers tell us we should and technology makes it possible. It's no wonder that people are quick to leave a relationship instead of working on it, we're trained to think that something bigger and better is right around the corner. So if this is true, how do you make a relationship last?
Interesting question. However, there don't seem to be easy answers.

I think that the main problem with present-day society is that it is telling you to consume (buy the new, discard the old) because "that is the only way to have fun." Unconsciously or not, we are applying that rule not only to commodities, but also to people.

So, I'd say that the first step towards lasting relationships is to become aware of that mechanism and then reverse it.

Secondly, I think you'd be a lot safer seeking out people who have the same or a similar background as yours, in terms of beauty, wealth, intelligence, education, principles, etc... Of course there must be some differences between you, but the diferences must complement one another rather than conflict with one another. That is, differences, but not incompatibilities.

Thirdly, I don't think that a relationship between any two people will last if either of them lacks maturity. Immature people will never settle down to a lasting, meaningful relationship.

My two cents.

JC

 
Old 10-20-2006, 05:06 AM   #4
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Re: I know why relationships don't work anymore...

Well that certainly makes sense to me why relationships do not work anymore. People take the easy way out because they believe there is always something bigger and better instead of working on their existing relationship (which was once that bigger and better thing). I have looked back into my past relationships and realized there were signs that I did not pay attention to. I know that from now on I will pay close attention to how my potential mate handled his last relationship and breakup because most likely they will do the same to you. For me, a person that goes from a break up (that was a long term relationship) and jumps into a new relationship quickly is usually a person who will leave a relationship instead of trying to work it out. (my ex husband is a perfect example of that) It means they are able to heal fast and move on. Look for someone that feels pain for a while after a break up. I bet those people work a little harder to avoid breakups because they do not want to feel the pain. I am one of those kinds of people that suffers after a breakup and I am the type that tries hard to make things work.

 
Old 10-20-2006, 07:04 AM   #5
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Re: I know why relationships don't work anymore...

For me personally, I always had a hope of things improving, that the person will somehow magically change. Well, that can't happen unless they would have gotten hit by a lightning bolt and their mind rewired. I think we develop a false hope, I am like that in other ways in my life, I will never give up at work, school, etc, and so failure to me is unacceptable, so I try to make changes.
As humans, we believe that people are inherently good and if they love us enough, they would change for us. The problem is that the core is set in early childhood and is really hard to change, and can only be done if that person decides to change it. When we get deep into a relationship, we start thinking with our emotions, and not with our intellectual centers, so therein lies the problem. When a break-up occurs, we start thinking back again with our brains, and snap back into reality.

Healthy people attract healthy people; unhealthy people attract unhealthy people. I can't prove this as of now, but in my experience it has proven the case. What I'm trying to say is that you're right in recognizing her problems and you're also right in identifying your own issues. You add this up to think that you guys are appropriate for each other (i.e. she's not perfect, you're not perfect). I think you should see it as a sign that you need to work on yourself so that you become attracted to (and become attractive to) a better person for you

 
Old 10-20-2006, 07:11 AM   #6
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Re: I know why relationships don't work anymore...

I think you make it work by believing in it -- by not letting all the negative media messages, or whatever else, out there impact your belief.
And I mean really believing in it.

Last edited by LostMyHeart; 10-20-2006 at 07:11 AM.

 
Old 10-20-2006, 10:35 AM   #7
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Re: I know why relationships don't work anymore...

It is generalization some relatioships are working and some aren't. I have to agree show like Bachelor/Bachelorette, Sex and the city are interesting to see but giving bad messages to young people.

Last edited by galinaqt; 10-20-2006 at 10:37 AM.

 
Old 10-20-2006, 10:52 AM   #8
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Re: I know why relationships don't work anymore...

How do you make them last?

Respect.

We've lost respect for everything in this fast-paced, technological era. We don't respect parents, supervisors, subordinates, colleagues, elders. We've lost respect for many ideals, as well, i.e., love, marriage, family. We've lost respect for our bodies, too. Everything we do revolves around the outside, our skin, our appearance. Otherwise, just fix it with a pill if something really goes wrong on the inside. Nevermind having enough respect for our bodies to treat them well in the early phases of our lives.

I really notice a lack in society to respect others' feelings. And I'm not talking about globally; I'm talking about what I see on my drive home from work, what I witness in the grocery store or video store, in a restaurant, at a gas station. Holding a door open for a stranger, telling someone you like their blouse, asking a cashier how their day is going, allowing someone to pull over in front of you. Instead of witnessing common courtesy and nicities, I witness tailgating, road rage, everyone preoccupied on their cell phone instead of focusing on the human being directly in front of them. We've become completely emerged in "ME," and everyone else can just take a number and get in line.

It seems we have become a society who has forgotten how to treat others as we would like to be treated. And this can be put in any context you wish.

You can read half the threads on this board alone and boil the problem(s) down to respect, either not respecting the institution of marriage; not respecting the word "love" and all that that entails; not respecting a woman's right to choice with regards to her body; not respecting someone's feelings and schedule by not returning calls when promised or agreed upon.

You see, it's all about me, my life, my opinion, my ethic, my schedule, my issue, my problem, my promotion, my raise. We're witnessing the repurcussions of how being so incredibly selfish and self-absorbed individually impacts society.

 
Old 10-20-2006, 11:28 AM   #9
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Re: I know why relationships don't work anymore...

Hi

I think StenoLady1 has hit the nail upon its head.

People talk a lot about tolerance these days, but how pale tolerance is when compared to Respect!

I also think of patience. We are no longer able to wait, even if we have machines to perform very quickly for us.

In order to make relationships last, we may also need other qualities: serenity, humility, honesty, sobriety, chastity, etc...

But yes, Respect comes first.

JC

 
Old 10-20-2006, 01:44 PM   #10
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Re: I know why relationships don't work anymore...

Absolutely StenoLady1!

You can't possilby make any relationship work when you are wrapped up in yourself. It's unfortunate that most of society is full of greedy, selfish, and demoralized people.

Everyone is so consumed by looks and perception that nobody bothers to get to know the person underneath. You could be with the sexiest man (or woman) on the planet, but if (s)he can't make you laugh or carry on a simple conversation (that isn't about his/her body or looks) than what good is it?

The other problem is that nobody bothers to get to know a person before hopping into bed anymore. Our society is obsessed with sex. What ever happened to substance?

I think the only way you can make a relationship last is finding somebody with the same morals or beliefs as you. You need a solid foundation, not some manufactured crap.

 
Old 10-20-2006, 05:34 PM   #11
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Re: I know why relationships don't work anymore...

Quote:
Originally Posted by JBravo556
It's because we have become an instant upgrade society. No matter what it is, people are always looking for bigger and better, advertisers tell us we should and technology makes it possible. It's no wonder that people are quick to leave a relationship instead of working on it, we're trained to think that something bigger and better is right around the corner. So if this is true, how do you make a relationship last?

I think that sums up the problem with a lot of relationships now.

Very interesting point, but a sad one

 
Old 10-20-2006, 07:13 PM   #12
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Re: I know why relationships don't work anymore...

I'll take a different slant. I don't believe in the good old days. We are living in the best possible time. Relationships don't last forever because people don't stay the same forever. Sometimes there is enough strength and desire to hold on despite vast changes, but sometimes there isn't.

Last edited by DomesticPenguin; 10-20-2006 at 07:55 PM.

 
Old 10-21-2006, 02:00 AM   #13
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Re: I know why relationships don't work anymore...

Quote:
Originally Posted by DomesticPenguin
I'll take a different slant. I don't believe in the good old days. We are living in the best possible time. Relationships don't last forever because people don't stay the same forever. Sometimes there is enough strength and desire to hold on despite vast changes, but sometimes there isn't.
Well, you have interesting points. I think that every age has its upside and downside, so to say. All things considered, no age is better or worse than another, just maybe different. In the "good old days", because it was more difficult or unusual to divorce, for example, people were stuck in marriages that made them suffer a lot. There was probably more hypocrisy. Even in religion. Nowadays we seem to have more freedom, but also a lot more stress.

JC

 
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