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Old 10-20-2006, 10:34 PM   #1
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it's over

I was in a long-term relationship, entered upon at a young age, and now it's over. With the information I have today, (hindsight), I can see that this guy wasn't near good enough for me. There were so many things in the relationship that I was too nice to him about, and not strict enough with myself.

It's hell and I can't believe how quickly he seems to have moved on. To other people? Probably, but moreover how quickly he is forgetting about us just only devalues what we had, whatever it was, and everything I gave.

I mean, I believed in this, I thought he was the one. Sooo much happened, I didn't see this day coming, the day where I would have to eat my words, see all my actions for 6 years straight as a mistake, a delusion.

How can you be so stupid for so long? I can see why I was so stupid, 'cause I actually thought we would last. But him, i mean apparently he felt something he wasn't commuicating 'cause how could he get over it so fast if he believed the things i did?

I have sworn off contact with him. But now, just one more time, I want to call him. I want to hear how happy he is, I want that jerk to be a JERK and show me just how little he valued what we had. I don't know why, but I do. I guess because it justifies me calling him a jerk, haha, and because it would solidfy that THIS IS COMPLETELY OVER.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? Should i contact him? Because let's face it, I will never hear from him again. I'm long forgotten about. Heck, I think it might make my day if i called him, and when I tell him it's me, he would respond, "Who?!?!"

Haha...what's up with this???

 
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Old 10-21-2006, 04:32 AM   #2
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Re: it's over

No, don't call him, that would be stupid. He's not a part of your life any more and has moved on. If you contact him, you're going to look like the desperate one. Don't give him the satisfaction!

Just make yourself the first priority in your life and put all of your energy and focus in improving your own life. His life is no longer your concern. Your life should be the only one you care about right now.

 
Old 10-21-2006, 06:41 AM   #3
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Re: it's over

Hi

I endorse Kszan's words: don't call him. Let ashes be ashes.

You know, when you stir up ashes, you may inadvertently rekindle a fire.

Also, I notice (maybe I am wrong) a certain nervousness in your haha. Maybe you don't need to laugh now. Maybe what you most need now is an inner smile and serenity.

Best to you.

JC

 
Old 10-22-2006, 12:27 AM   #4
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Re: it's over

so...he called me. Apparently he hasn't moved on. Apparently life has been rough for him, too.

But we still have our differences. We have feelings for each other, just as strong as ever, but yet our irreconcilable differences remain.

I won't settle for less. And by less, I don't mean inferior. I just mean I won't settle for less than what I feel I need to have in a relationship.

He always leaves me wanting more of him...grrr...

 
Old 10-22-2006, 07:42 AM   #5
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Re: it's over

I know exactly how you feel. I entered a relationship at a young age too, and it lasted a good few years, and afterwards when he moved on it was clear as day that he was not giving me everything I needed, and that he never could have, and it was the one incompatibility - amongst all the perfect compatibilities that held us together so long - that is impossible to change because it is just...well...HIM.

My biggest mistake? I DID contact him. And now and again he contacted me. We even slept together for a while too, and it is all a massive regret. We were trying to draw upon something that we no longer have, that is cold history now, and the going back to him and keeping contact with him... it has now made me a mess. I feel with all my heart that I want him, when he is not right for me.

PLEASE save yourself the pain. He has had hard times, yes, but don't cave for the pity vote. It has ended. I know exactly how it feels to have those strong, uncontrollable passions for eachother that hang around. I know you feel that despite it all, you two are inevitably drawn to eachother and that 'means something'. But really, it doesn't. Its just the memories and nostalgia of something that probably lasted longer than it should have in the first place.

It is a weird thing, how much you can want them, and they want you, after a breakup. But it is a damaging thing, and something to avoid out of respect for yourself. And guys handle this differently, and are often far more emotionally adept at moving on, and generally move on it a much more productive fashion - ie. going out there and seeing who else is around.

Try to do the same. You will be fine. You sound a million times more capable and strong than I did after my breakup. It seems, deep down, you truly know that it is over and finished with.

All the best!

 
Old 10-22-2006, 08:46 AM   #6
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Re: it's over

I very much appreciate the replies. I love what you said, Tyger, about the being inevitably drawn to each other and this means something---right on the dot!

 
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