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Old 10-21-2006, 07:24 AM   #1
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I really need to talk to someone about this....

I'm a young teen and have discovered that I must be either bi or gay.. one day i thought i would check out some gay chat rooms to see what they were all about and some guy IMed that claimed to be 16 and gave me his pic and i gave him mine.. we got talking and he was a really great guy and we became really awesome friends and he by the way was bi.. after a while with a bunch of stuff in between i honestly fell in love with this guy.. and i know what you people are probably saying like i dont know what love is... but it was for real.. he was all that i could think about every second.. i just couldnt wait to get home everyday to talk to him and he felt the same way.. once i got my cell we would talk on the phone for hours and hours and it was just totally right.. i had no doubts about this guy at ALL i would have no idea whatsoever what was going to happen next......... now heres where everything starts to get really bad.... one day out of no where when we were talking on the phone he says to me, "okay, i havent been totally honest with you about some things" i was terrified to hear what he was going to say next... he told me that he was actually 18 and the pic he gave me was actually a pic of his friend.... the age thing didnt matter to me but the looks make a huge difference in a relationship to me and i know it shouldnt be that way but it just is... ive always trusted this guy and had no doubts whatsoever but i did understand where he was coming from.. and after he told me this i trusted him even more knowing that there couldnt be anything that he could keep from me anymore... its just the pic he gave me before.. i feel like thats who i fell in love with but it gets a whole lot worse bcuz once he sent me his real pic i was scared... was really ugly but i felt bad bcuz he only did this bcuz no one would give him a chance to know who he really was .. to me he looked like a monster and he had some eye problem so his eyes were screwed up too.. that might sound mean but i am hoping it was just a bad pic... now im completely lost.. i know that the looks shouldnt make much of a difference to me when i love this person.. i feel like though that im inlove with his friend (the one in the first pic) and not him.. i just feel completely horrible.. this is totally the worst thing that could happen.. i dont know if i stay with him it will be bcuz i love him or just out of pity.. and his friend that was in the picture i know is a great guy from what he told me and thats who i feel like i fell in love with and he seems like the person i would want to spend my life with... ive spent the last couple days doing nothing but crying and im not a very emotional guy and im not some loser as you people are probably thinking.. ha ha i just dont know what to do everything has changed now.. i really need a therapist or something but hopfully this will work just as good bcuz no one knows the real me and people that really dont know me like you... well i dont think that will make much of a difference lol... so i feel like i just want to get over this.. but i dont know if i ever will.. i feel like i want to be with the person i saw in the first pic and he is for real but i care about this guy too much to do that if there was any chance at all... i feel like if i stay with this guy its cant be the same i just wanted it so much to be the way it wouldve been.. is it wrong that id leave him now bcuz of his looks? if i do stay with him is it going to be bcuz i feel bad for him? i dont feel like i really love him now but i do its juss it seems like all the love wwent to the guy that i wanted to be with from the begining... but his outside and inside... with this guy its just the inside............... ugh.... im gonna go cry again

Last edited by pplperson; 10-21-2006 at 07:31 AM.

 
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Old 10-21-2006, 08:24 AM   #2
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Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

I don't know exactly what to say, but I feel I must say something.

To make things simpler, I call the first guy the "picture", and the second guy the "voice".

First, this is not all about love, but sexual attraction. And then you are attracted not to a person, but rather to an image (or in other words, to a picture and to a voice, which don't belong to the same person). What I want to say is this: until you go and meet him (either the picture or the voice) (I am assuming you haven't met either before), all your feelings are somewhat like vapour, if you see what I mean.

Second, I am wondering if the picture is for real and if so, if the picture is a friend of the voice. If the voice is such an ugly guy, it's not very typical for him to be friends with a great guy, is it?

Third, I think that once a liar, always a liar. Maybe I am being too severe with the voice, but where is the guarantee that he will not lie to you again?

Fourthly, I use the Internet, but I am aware that this is a double-edged tool. Be careful, be very careful. I think you'd be better to look for support groups in your area rather than voices or pictures on the web. Not until you have explored the real world and become a more mature person.

Lastly, let me tell you this. I am not against beauty. I love beautiful things and beautiful faces, but not only these. The real beauty is often difficult to see at first sight. But I am very cautious with apparent beauty and with very attractive things or people. There is potential danger in what attracts you. This is the same mechanism that a predator makes use of in order to catch its prey. This is not a foolproof rule, but "that which attracts you, may also lead to your ruin".

Take care.

JC

 
Old 10-21-2006, 08:50 AM   #3
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Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

JC i like the way you word things. I read over what you said twice.. what I have to say about something is I need both... inside and outside in order for me to be inlove with someone like that.. i think thats how it is.. i am just so depressed that when i thought all this time that i had both, turns out i dont.. and that i cant have both in this situation.. i think i need to move on from this, and get over it.. but the thing is i dont know if i ever will if i choose to do that... thanks for the reply

 
Old 10-21-2006, 10:50 AM   #4
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Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

i think im gonna have to get over this.. i dont know how long it will take or if i ever will be i cant go on like this.. i told him that i think i could get over him easily but not the made up charactor (both "voice" and "image") i would have taken this into more consideration but he was acting like a jerk to me so i didnt think much before i said that about how i would get over this.. i hope i didnt hurt him that bad.. i really wish and hope that i can be with a girl in the future and have a family 'n all.. i havent done anything yet really to the point which i have to be gay.. exept for this relationship and ive never told anybody about me.. i dont know how this is going to work but im going to have a really hard time getting over this.. i had my life all planned out and now it all just went down the crapper.. im scared about how things are going to turn out..........

 
Old 10-21-2006, 12:34 PM   #5
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Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

There is no excuse for what this guy tried to pull. And you really don't know that he isn't lying about anything else.

Having a physical attraction to someone is a large part of a relationship. If you aren't attracted to them, then all they are is a friend. You definetly have to move on from this situation. That was a really crappy position that this guy put you in. You how him nothing, nada. And please don't feel guilty.
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Old 10-21-2006, 01:09 PM   #6
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Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

thanks man... that helped.. its over now but it was really hard for him.. your right he shouldn't have put me in that stop.. he said to me that i told him i loved him and looks shouldnt make a difference.. its just going to be really hard getting over this.. really hard.. cuz i was so deeply inlove with someone that never even exsited.. it just really sucks though because im not actually getting over him but his friend (image).. but its not like it was just that but i need both.. it really creeped me out that all this time i was talking to the new him.. i feel kinda grossed out and it makes me really sad that it just had to be this way.. and its kinda funny that before when i got his fake pic i wasnt that much attracted to it, the person in the picture it wasnt a huge deal.. but then after i found out that it wasnt him and i got his new pic.. i was so attached to the fake one and i felt like i needed to be with that person.. he says that he always wanted what was best for me and to see me happy but i guess he just didnt understand how this was going to make me feel.. i dont know if im ever going to get over this "made up charactor".

 
Old 10-21-2006, 02:55 PM   #7
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Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

Quote:
he says that he always wanted what was best for me and to see me happy but i guess he just didnt understand how this was going to make me feel..
Wow, that sure is a load of BS. He wanted what was best for you, so he totally fooled you and strung you along, playing with your emotions? What a sweetheart

I really do feel for this kid, he is probably very insecure and doesn't think anybody will like him if they know the real him. But that most certainly doesn't excuse anything. I don't know why he thinks anyone would forgive him for doing that, but maybe there are people who do.

Quote:
i dont know if im ever going to get over this "made up charactor".
Sure you will. It's just infatuation, no different really than being infatuated with a celebrity, somebody you only know by seeing their picture. It is possible to meet genuine people over the internet, but I guess it's a gamble. Hopefully you have better luck next time.
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Old 10-21-2006, 04:02 PM   #8
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Unhappy Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

i cant wait until i get my life back on track.. do you think it would be a bad idea to still be his friend and talk to him occasionally or not? and i know hes not such a bad guy... i guess he's just having trouble finding someone thats right for him because of his appearance and thats why i feel bad.. and he as well as i had no idea things would end up this way.. when he sent me the pic and made this lie he didnt even know me and so he wasnt expecting it would end up like this.. and it all happened so fast that he didnt have a chance to say this and once i told him that i loved him.. to him that meant that i would stick by him no matter what when he would tell me that he sent me a fake pic and showed me his real one.. and i really do hope i can get over this.. before all this i had the perfect life.. everything was going to be perfect and it was just beautiful.. ive never felt this low before.. i want to be with the person who i thought i would be with before.. he is a real person the "image" and i feel like i want to be with him like there could be a chance... do you still think i can get over it? i really hope so.... i really do... but i think i might be scarred for life and always want him.. i thought thats who i had all along...

 
Old 10-21-2006, 05:08 PM   #9
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Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

I don't think you'll be scarred for life. As with all things, time is a great healer and you will get to the point where you can look back at this and it won't hurt as much. It's completely up to you if you want to keep talking to this guy, but it might be an idea to give it a break for a little bit. The "image" that you're in love with is merely that.. an image. There is no personality, feelings or person behind it that you know. You will get over it, just give it time.

 
Old 10-21-2006, 05:34 PM   #10
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Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

but thats the thing.. the "image" is a real person that is actually a friend of the "voice".. thats whats holding me back.. i feel like i need to be with this person and kills me to know that i cant.. this person has a life of his own and i would do anything to actually meet him.... if i knew it was fake maybe i could get over it.. but knowing that hes there... i dont know how this will end up with me.......

 
Old 10-21-2006, 07:24 PM   #11
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Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

First of all, you should know that the internet is filled with pedophiles looking to seduce young boys and they get away with it all the time because kids are vulnerable and easy to fool. This guy outright lied to you about who he is. You still haven't met him yet. How do you know the new picture is him, either? Answer, you don't! Because he's from online. He's probably some dirty old man who is in his 40s and trying to get you to meet him. That's just sick.

Beyond all of that, you have to learn how to NOT be so trusting of people you meet on the internet. You need to realize that there are sexual predators out there who routinely lie to young boys and teens, and a whole lot of bad stuff can happen. The fact that you know he lied to you once should be enough to make you realize he is not worth your time or effort, and I think you are being entirely too hard on yourself for how he feels about it. Who cares how he feels? He's an adult and he lied to you! That's not right at all!

You need to cut off contact with this guy, because you don't know anything about him for real. I'll bet you every single thing he said to you has been a lie. I would bet money on it. You need to block him from ever contacting you again. I hope you were smart enough not to give him your real address or phone number!!

 
Old 10-21-2006, 07:59 PM   #12
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Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

i know you would probably expect some things like that but im actually i very smart kid and i know all about that stuff and from this ive learned even more.. and i knew he was at least in school cuz i talked to him like on the bus.. i really like the way you people are making this seem like its all not worth it, its going to help me move on pass this quicker lol.. nah but really.. its just my life was going to be incredibly prefect and now its just really sucking real bad.. and i do still care about this guy and i dont want him to feel so bad because i do understand where hes coming from with everything..

 
Old 10-22-2006, 12:44 AM   #13
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Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

Listen, this is easy. OKay, what i mean is, the answer is simple, the emotional levity clearly is not.

You don't have to tell this guy that you find him unattractive. You can just say, "You deceived me. You can't build something real off of lies. Don't even talk to me about REAL love, and keeping promises when you didn't deliver honesty yourself. If you send me fake pictures of yourself, if you would insult me and my intelligence and be so controlling as to decide for me what i find attractive and not---if you would lie to me, there is no telling what else. I can't go any further in this relationship with that magnitude of deception. The pain is too much."

That's it. You finding him ugly is just icing on the cake. Don't feel bad. He deceived you on so many levels, it's just too much.

He disrespected you.
Lied to you.
Stereotyped you.
Played you for a fool!
He controlled you! He actually MADE decisions for you! He decided that he knew better than YOU, what is best for you! Isn't that insane?!?! THAT IS DISGUSTING AND SCARY behavior, my friend.

As for the imaginary lover, have fun fantasizing and thinking about finding that person, if you are so truly convinced that things are meant to be a certain way...

And by the way, don't string some poor girl along, or some poor guy for that matter, PLEASE don't begin to get into a relationship with someone if you don't first and foremost have yourself sorted out. That would selfish and cruel to hurt somebody like that, to start a relationship knowing full and well you don't have it all sorted out.

Last edited by HelpHelpHelp; 10-22-2006 at 12:52 AM.

 
Old 10-22-2006, 07:11 AM   #14
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Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

You have been given some good advise now take it

 
Old 10-22-2006, 07:49 AM   #15
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Re: I really need to talk to someone about this....

yep, thanks guys... i juss need time to get over this and get my life back on track... you've all been a great help

 
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