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Old 10-21-2006, 08:09 AM   #1
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Babyblueeyes21 HB User
Is this grounds for breakup - mostly cause im scared

Hi there,

Its been a while since I have been here.

I am dating a new guy for 4 mths
What a difference from my last relationship.
He is a great guy - wants to see me 3-4 times a week, invited me on things with his friends and family....there is just one thing - that has freaked me out

I have a huuuge issues - let me say - when it comes down to it i trust him otherwise i wouldnt still be with him

But - the other night we made love and i was being attentive - we communicated alot - and I said we havent made love in a week - u went for a long time - how come? not usual for him - and he said - what r u asking cause u thinking im getting it somewhere else?

I was like no thats not why Im asking - i was like why would u say that - he said cause i know u and thought thats where u were going with that one.

So we chat - about past relationships and just general discussion. I said have u ever cheated - been cheated on etc? he said been cheated on yes - cheated no - I said would never cheat i would rather end it than do that - hes said - jokingly - not me i would keep seeing her...hahah - OK not funny...then he says what are u going to do when i hang out with my friends that are girls - i said trust you ofcourse...

Im sure my mind is racing and taking his small jokes - and i told him that that stuff makes me scared - but what do i think? ya know....

Hes a great guy and beyond the comments - i have no reason to this he is untrustworthly - if anything he says i should call him more or initiate more with him so he isnt backing off....what do i make of these comments - and his "oh yes teresa - ya herrrrrrrrrr" - like i know he made that up but - i have heard this is a red flag



Let me also mention - i have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder but - i feel like im going to run scared - cause i was cheated on - and a part of me today is like break up before u get hurt.

Last edited by Babyblueeyes21; 10-21-2006 at 08:45 AM.

 
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Old 10-21-2006, 08:48 AM   #2
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Br
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brazilman HB User
Re: Is this grounds for breakup - mostly cause im scared

Hi,

May I ask you? Is this a serious relationship? Are you aiming at marriage or something?

If it is just for fun, for passing the time, or for getting to know each other better, then relax.

Otherwise, I am not so sure. He seems to have a very different personality from you, and his humour (or should I call it his "polite scorn"?) may not be the best match (or should I say "remedy"?) for your anxiety issues. If anybody, you probably need someone who can make you feel safe and grounded.

My two cents.

JC

 
Old 10-21-2006, 08:57 AM   #3
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Babyblueeyes21 HB User
Re: Is this grounds for breakup - mostly cause im scared

this is serious he told me he loves me not long ago and he seems to discuss different future/money and wants for the future with us

 
Old 10-21-2006, 09:50 AM   #4
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brazilman HB User
Re: Is this grounds for breakup - mostly cause im scared

Ok Babyblueeyes21:

Would you mind, then, waiting for the inputs from the other members? Actually, that is exactly what you are waiting for, isn't it?

Only I assume you are still very young, maybe 21? Isn't that too young an age for marriage?

Well, now I'll keep my big mouth until there's something new and important to say.

Take care.

JC

 
Old 10-21-2006, 10:09 AM   #5
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Babyblueeyes21 HB User
Re: Is this grounds for breakup - mostly cause im scared

Hi there JC,

I am 24 - i am not looking to get married anytime soon
but yes i hope others may have some advice too

Thanks

BBE

 
Old 10-21-2006, 11:53 AM   #6
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Babyblueeyes21 HB User
Re: Is this grounds for breakup - mostly cause im scared

Can anyone shed some light for me?
this is making my stomach turn

 
Old 10-21-2006, 12:42 PM   #7
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brazilman HB User
Re: Is this grounds for breakup - mostly cause im scared

But Babyblueyes, you already have the answer, haven't you?

If you don't intend to marry anytime soon, why should you worry so much?

Just relax and have fun.

And really try to be as funny as your boy-friend. Even funnier. Tell him jokes and make him laugh as well. Show him that you, too, have that power. Be amusing (or ambiguous?) and not too serious all the time.

I think that if he reacts well to this new "you" and doesn't feel threatened, then he might probably be the right person for you.

Sorry for intervening here again. Now I will leave the room (the floor) for the others.

Best and take care of your stomach.

JC

 
Old 10-22-2006, 08:42 AM   #8
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Posts: 136
Babyblueeyes21 HB User
Post Re: Is this grounds for breakup - mostly cause im scared

I talked to him last night and he said that he was sorry and he wont crack jokes about that kind of stuff anymore...We went out to dinner with friends - it was nice - but him and his buddy dated sisters about 2 years ago and thats all they talk about is his ex.....grrrrr
Is that a bad sign?

I have another question -

Can u be in a good relationship with someone and not get along ALL the time?

Sometimes we dont get along and sometimes he match perfectally - the times we dont get along its cause we are along so much alike we butt heads?
im just curious?

Just my thoughts today

 
Old 10-22-2006, 04:13 PM   #9
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kendram HB User
Re: Is this grounds for breakup - mostly cause im scared

yes, you can be in a good relationship and not get along all the time. I have been married for 9 years. My marriage is very strong, but we still argue sometimes. We don't get physical, thats not good, but we do argue. It goes as far as "shut up, no you shut up" and maybe a door slammed and thats it. Every 2 or 3 years we have arguements that last for a couple days, but thats about it. We have 2 kids and we wont argue in front of them. I think there would be something wrong if you didnt have a disagreement every now and then. It is up to you to decide if your relationship is healthy or not. But in my opinion, even the healthiest of relationships have disagreements sometimes. It just how you handle the situation, and not letting it get too far with what you say or getting physical, that determines how healthy your relationship is. You have to conrtol yourself. I feel like knocking the crap out of my hubby sometimes and I am sure he feels the same about me, but we don't hit each other. We control ourselves. If it gets that bad, one of us leaves to cool off for a few hours, but thats rare. Hope this helps!!

 
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