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Old 10-22-2006, 01:03 AM   #1
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Greenoctopus18 HB User
Silly question, but opinions appreciated anyway. :)

I'm one of those people that can't just let things go, which really frustrates me... because I don't know what to do.

Anyway, last night I kind of ended 'something' with a guy I like in a text message. We weren't in a relationship. We have kind of been friends for several months, but recently discussed 'wanting to get to know each other better..... i.e. start a relationship of some sort, I assume.

We were supposed to be going out on the weekend, but I cancelled. He was annoyed, as, i admit i have too often, cancelled our plans close to last minute.

I know it's my fault and I feel bad. So should I just forget it (as I said I would in my text)?

I feel silly asking.

 
Old 10-22-2006, 07:46 AM   #2
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brazilman HB User
Re: Silly question, but opinions appreciated anyway. :)

Hi

What I will be talking about here is my impressions. They are just impressions, and it couldn't be otherwise. I may be wrong, so don't take it amiss.

So, the main impression I get about you is that you were playing a game. And, for me, this game has a name: hard to get.

This seems to be a very common tactics for girls. Of course, girls need to be selective, and being or appearing easy to get is a sort of devaluation for them. But you don't have to reach the other extremity and linger there.

I don't know what makes you repeat this pattern, if ever this is a pattern with you: cancelling it at the very last minute.

But I feel that it looks unfair, because apparently you were giving hopes (or a rope), and then cut them (it) when the other party least expected it.

At best you would be seen as a highly selective person, but more probably you are coming across as very insecure and self-conceited. Maybe even a little bit rude.

I mean: you are not necessarily like that, but I should think that is the way you might come across to other people.

Perhaps you are afraid of being touched. Maybe you don't have much experience with the other sex. Isn't high time you gave yourself a chance? Of course you have to be careful, but too much of it will probably paralyze you.

JC

 
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Old 10-25-2006, 01:29 AM   #3
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Greenoctopus18 HB User
Re: Silly question, but opinions appreciated anyway. :)

Wow! Sounds like you know me better than I do.

Thanks for your opinon.

After I posted this I sent him a text an apologised again, and he agreed to do something this weekend - in the daytime!

I'm not sure what I was doing by cancelling all the time. I can see now how it could be taken the wrong way, and I do feel really bad about it. The problem has been (and I have told him this), I have to travel an hour to and from work each day, and then he lives another 40 minutes away... so doing things on Friday night is not really convenient for me.. However, that always seemed to be when it was convenient for him. I should have always said no.. instead of giving any hope... I guess.

I am probably very insecure. At the last minute, things do go through my head. For some reason he likes me, and I am kind of afraid that he will chnage his mind once he knows me. I know it's silly.
And I think that having too much experience is my problem - too many bad experiences, anyway! I've had two 2-year relationships with guys that were very over-protective of me, yet they still lied and other stuff...... and I admit that those bad things do run through my head when I think of getting to know someone new. I've been single since May (and still enjoying it)... but I feel that I do have to start seeing other people soon, or I never will!

Thanks again. The above may not make sense, but you did help! Thanks!

 
Old 10-25-2006, 07:07 AM   #4
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brazilman HB User
Re: Silly question, but opinions appreciated anyway. :)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenoctopus18

...

Thanks again. The above may not make sense, but you did help! Thanks!
You're welcome. I was really glad to be of help to you, if any. But please don't think that I know you better than you do know yourself. I was simply trying to analyze it.

And I made the mistake of thinking you had no or little experience with the other sex, you see. Anyway, it seems that having bad experiences is still worse than having no experience at all. When you have no experience, you can be curious. When you have had bad experiences, you are often afraid to try again.

Try to think that History doesn't necessarily has to repeat itself. This might help you to move forwards.

A hug to you.

JC

 
Old 10-25-2006, 07:25 AM   #5
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sandra2005 HB User
Re: Silly question, but opinions appreciated anyway. :)

hi,

ok why did u cancel? like was it an genuine reason or do you just not want to see him or are nervous?
becasue if it is a genuine reason then i would call him and appologise and say that you really do want to see him and get to know him better!

if it is the case that you just are not interested then just leave it as it is not really fair to be messing him around ( im guessing that this isnt it though becsuse you obviosuley do care otherwise you wouldnt be asking!!!!)

 
Old 10-27-2006, 04:25 AM   #6
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Greenoctopus18 HB User
Re: Silly question, but opinions appreciated anyway. :)

Thanks again.

I don't know... Maybe I am leading him on. I don't know him at all, but there are already things I'm not sure I like about him. He's just nice, and seemed to like me... and I guess I liked the attention.

Anyway, I sent him a text last night to see whether he was still up for meeting on the weekend... and he said "actually, I'm busy all weekend. Though I might be able to manage Friday night" !!!!

I told him to forget it.

I'm not sure whether that was his way of teaching me a lesson or what. He sent another text a couple of hours ago saying he didn't mean to sound rude. Though I think I should just ignore it.

 
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