My relationship ended three weeks ago now. Some of you may have read my previous threads. So basically I cut all contact with him although I always hoped we would speak again because he was my best friend. Anyway theres a lot of other crap going on in my life right now and yeasterday was a bad day for me and all I wanted to do was call him cos thats what id usually do. So I did. Fot the most part I was happy bout our conversation as it cleared things up like why he hadnt contacted me and why he'd blocked me on messenger. But I told him if he ever met sum1 new and it was serious I'd like him to tell me before it got back to me from sum1 else and he got a bit cagey sayin he didnt want to talk bout stuff like that in our first conversation but said he wasn't seeing anyone and didnt want to. But it's made me wonder if he's slept with sum1 else or sumthin cos he got funny bout it. I know it's none of my business but that would make me think out relationship meant nothin and I think I have a right to know that as it would certainly make it easier for me to move on as well. I obv cant ask him cos he'll get annoyed at me but it's doing my head in. I don't wish I hadnt called as I needed him but I wish I didnt care about his sex life!! Am I normal to worry bout this?
In the beginning of your break-up, it is normal to worry and overanalyse everything he said/did etc... but there is nothing to be gained by asking "him". He might not tell you the truth anyway. And if he does, you would not want to know that he did sleep with someone else, if he did. It is difficult to live in uncertainty. But you said it, you called him because you had a bad day...when time moves on and you start to enjoy your time better, you won't be thinking about him even. Be strong now. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you vulnerable and in need of him.
Thanks. I rang him cos he's the only person who knows about certain problems in my family so felt he was the only person I could talk to. I know nothing would come out of knowing if he had been with someone else but how can I stop obsessing about it? I also dont want to call him every time I have a prob but how do I stop doing that?
My ex was (is?) my best friend, and the one I open up to the most. BUT you can't get over them with that kind of a reliance. You need to find someone else out there, whether it be a friend, or even a professional, that you can talk to about it all... and about him too.
And the way you are obsessing about whether he's had sex with someone else yet? Oh yes. Do I ever know what you mean! It is HUMAN NATURE to be all obsessed with it and want to know, and not want to know all at the same time. It becomes a very desperate kind of need and can end up running your mind if you let it. But think of it this way - if you DID find out, and he HAD, then you'd want to know the next thing. And the next. Who was it? Where? How did it happen? Was she pretty? Better than me? How does he feel about her now? Will he be seeing her again? And it goes on...and on... and on and you can never be free of it.
And if he says he didn't...what then? I'll tell you what - you'll be sitting there biting your nails, wondering every Sunday whether he had a big one the night before and has slept with someone now, or the next week, or the next...
Moral of the story? The obsessive need to know feeds on itself and only gets bigger if you start it in the first place. Resign yourself to the fact that you won't ever really know and that you REALLY don't need to! Down the track, in a years time or more, you'll probably have adjusted to the idea that he has, and you will have, and it all really won't matter anymore. I know its hard, but first and foremost you have to focus on how you're feeling and what you're doing... not him.
Thanks that did help. It's nice to know im not the only one who feels like that. And I would def only wind myself up more if I did know..I guess im jus hurt thinkin he might have done cos its happened to me before and its the most gut wrenchin thing to know your no longer the last person they were with. So i'm better off not knowing. I hate the fact he's always on my mind cos I bet I'm not on his this much! Break ups are a mind ******!