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Old 10-22-2006, 03:46 PM   #1
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farceur66 HB User
How should I let this guy know I like him?

There is a guy at work that I really like and I "think" he likes me too. (I am 40 and he is 49) I found another job and my last day at this job is Friday (10/27). I know that guys can get very nervous when asking a girl out, especially when they are not sure if that person likes them in that way. I am very friendly and outgoing at work so it is not unusual for me to be friendly with everyone, including him so he might not view my friendly ways as flirting. I also want to point out he is a paraplegic and might be hesitant in asking me out because he is uncertain how I feel about that. (obviously that is not a problem for me) I do know that I would very much like to see/talk to him when I leave. He is very nice, intelligent and when I noticed he had a photo of his dog on his desk I was sold. The guy from my last relationship did not even like dogs and it was a bad match.

I have made up these good bye cards with a cute photo of my two dogs on the front. I am putting a personal message inside each card, along with my email address and cell number, and giving them to some of my friends at work. I am planning on giving him one but was wondering if anyone had any ideas on what to write inside his. I do not want to be direct and say "lets go out" but dont want to be so vague that he might not get it.

I am usually putting in the cards: It has been great knowing you. Stay in touch. then my name, email and cell number.

I would like to add something extra to his to let him know I am interested but not quite sure how to do it without being direct... any advice?

many thanks for your help
Michelle

 
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Old 10-22-2006, 04:14 PM   #2
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Babyblueeyes21 HB User
Re: How should I let this guy know I like him?

Hi there...

Is there anyway you can just casually say "hey wanna grab a coffee after work" maybe you can start off by discussing something you guys have in common like dogs and then see how that goes then perhaps ask abotu a coffee

Im, by no means a professional at this but what do u think?

 
Old 10-22-2006, 05:23 PM   #3
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xxbxbunnixx HB User
Re: How should I let this guy know I like him?

Heyy ok nothing good ever comes from being shy if you ask him out to lunch or something the worst he could say is no right but he could say yes and boom that would lead to who knows what so you might as well give it a try thats what i did now we are engaged so good luck

 
Old 10-22-2006, 05:36 PM   #4
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brazilman HB User
Re: How should I let this guy know I like him?

Michelle,

Are you sure that he is single or not having any relationship?

I suppose your aim is to get to know him better, even if you feel romantically inclined towards him. I don't think you have anything to lose for being direct with him, really. You are certainly beyond an age, or almost, when such preoccupations are beyond question, a waste of time. Go ahead. If he says no, move on. What is bad for you is indecision and no answer at all.

Now, I am not sure about giving him only the good bye card. Since everyone else is getting one, he might feel that he is not any different from the others. I think he needs an extra. Not a PS, not additional written or typed words, but maybe a phone call.

I don't know if you are intimate enough to call his home, if you have his number. But I would take the risk. Now what to say? Anything you fancy. For instance, that you intended to say something to him but couldn't find the right words to put in the card, so had the idea to call him now. That is, you would like to meet him again. That is it.

Now breath deep.

Best of luck to you.

JC

 
Old 10-22-2006, 05:40 PM   #5
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Re: How should I let this guy know I like him?

Well the problem is if I was a guy, I would never date. Too shy to just come out and say "wanna go out" and I most certainly am too shy to do it this time. I am not sure he even likes me that way. That is why I thought a simple good bye card with a few nice words and ALL my contact info would be good enough. I figure if he is interested he could always email me - - that is always a great way to find out if someone is interested without being humiliated in person by a NO. I look at it like this, if I give him all my personal contact info and he does not email or call me then he is just not interested.

 
Old 10-22-2006, 05:54 PM   #6
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Re: How should I let this guy know I like him?

Only a handful of people are getting good bye cards (keep in mind this is a large office with 80+ people). It is a contract job and my year contract is up in a few days - - most of the people I worked with over the past year are gone. He has only been working there for a month so chances are he will never know anyone else got a good bye card - - at least no one near him.

He is not married and I am going to assume no girlfriend but I am not 100% sure of that.

To come out and directly ask him out is out of the question. I cannot do it. I have had too much rejection these past months. Cannot deal with more if I can avoid it.

 
Old 10-23-2006, 02:47 AM   #7
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brazilman HB User
Re: How should I let this guy know I like him?

Quote:
Originally Posted by farceur66

...

To come out and directly ask him out is out of the question. I cannot do it. I have had too much rejection these past months. Cannot deal with more if I can avoid it.
This last paragraph shows to me that there is clearly a projection here: you are projecting onto him your previous "bad" experiences. Are you sure that rejection is always a bad thing? Maybe that was the best way for you to get rid of a wrong guy in the first place.

And why do you think a NO would be humiliating? I would think that remaining in the dark about him is even more humiliating. Don't take it amiss, but I sense that you may have an inflated opinion of yourself: you can't be hurt, you can't be humiliated, you can't digest a NO... Say, can you be touched at all?

The truth is that a few men are not able to take the first step. And besides he has a special condition. If I were you, I would run the risk. I think that loving and not being reciprocated can be tragic or embarrassing, but never humiliating. And what is the big deal, after all? You don't even know if this is love. It is just an incipient feeling. You are not going to declare you love him, just say that you'd like to see him again. Aren't you being too fastidious about it?

Well, I am not trying to give you false hopes. Nobody can say how he will react. But to remain in the dark is really paralyzing for you. It is up to you to try to break your own defences or to remain frustrated as it must have happened before.

Why don't give yourself a chance?

JC

 
Old 10-23-2006, 04:37 PM   #8
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Re: How should I let this guy know I like him?

Uh..... that last post by JC has me dumbfounded.

I'm just happy farceur66 is finally over that ex that was walking all over her.

If it was me in the situation, I would just include in the note my phone# with the postscript saying that I will miss our conversations and would love going for coffee with him sometime. I'm guessing that if you do that he'll call.

 
Old 10-23-2006, 05:24 PM   #9
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brazilman HB User
Re: How should I let this guy know I like him?

Quote:
Originally Posted by desertdweller
Uh..... that last post by JC has me dumbfounded.

I'm just happy farceur66 is finally over that ex that was walking all over her.

If it was me in the situation, I would just include in the note my phone# with the postscript saying that I will miss our conversations and would love going for coffee with him sometime. I'm guessing that if you do that he'll call.
Hi desertdweller:

I apologize to you if I had you dumbfounded... Pray, when you are able to speak again, tell me what the matter really was with my post.

I think you are right, anyway, desertdweller. Since it has finally dawned on me that farceur66 is helplessly a shy person, your arrangement - including a note or a PS - would be easier for her than a phone call. Also, a note would not force him to give her an immediate and just-to-please-you response that a phone call might entail.

A phone call would certainly be more impressive and would speak louder about her interest, but I think that a short note will do the trick as well.

Best.

JC

 
Old 10-24-2006, 02:11 PM   #10
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brazilman HB User
Lightbulb Re: How should I let this guy know I like him?

Hi

Sorry for keeping harping on the same string. By this time I should have gone, but I was going over some of my previous posts on this thread and I found that I need to elaborate on and maybe correct something I said: "Michelle is helplessly a shy person."

1. Actually, she is not helpless, although I think that SHE is the only person who can help her.

2. She can be a shy person, but I would defy her to point out something concrete and factual about herself (not a hunch, not an imagination, not a bias) that would justify her being ashamed of herself.

JC

Last edited by brazilman; 10-24-2006 at 02:12 PM.

 
Old 10-24-2006, 03:58 PM   #11
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minnesotagirl HB User
Re: How should I let this guy know I like him?

OK, I know how it feels to be shy -- but on your last day at work, you really have NOTHING to lose. I think you should take him aside, and then ask very casually -- "I don't want to sound unprofessional, but are you seeing anyone right now?" He'll say "yes, I have a girlfriend" Then you say "OHOK, I was always curious..." Or he'll say "No, I'm single" Then you say "Oh, so am I. I've always wondered if you were available...we should meet for coffee sometime." This question basically says "hey I'm interested in you." And, it tells you whether or not he's available.

 
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