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Old 10-25-2006, 09:46 AM   #1
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MyPlague HB User
Problem with seeing her...

So "we" had this mutual friend who left for a long time. She is now back in town, and she's having a party or two. Said mutual friend really wants me to be there. She sent me a message asking me to come.

Problem being is *She* is going to be there. And I'm not anywhere near getting over losing her. So what do I do?

Do I tell my friend that because this girl and I had such a bad falling out that I can't come? Or do I go and try and act as strong as I can?

I really wouldn't feel comfortable being around her right now at all. However I don't want to necessarily come across as still broken up by it. I don't want to make her feel like she has that much power over me.

I'm not sure what to do.......

 
Old 10-25-2006, 10:22 AM   #2
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minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Problem with seeing her...

You sound like you're trapped in depression. Have you ever considered help from a medical professional? I think that should be the first thing on your list. Most of your anxieties and saddness can be treated. Plus, it would be a good idea considering you think you may also have an alcohol problem.

It doesn't sound like it would be healthy for you at all to go to this party -- but it should be OK by now. I think there may be deeper issues for you that are preventing you from healing from this relationship -- is this the girl you were seeing back in May? How long were you together anyway?

If you don't go to the party because of her -- she doesn't have to know that's why you aren't there. It is possible to have other plans, so why wouldn't she just think that? When/if you decline the invite, you can just say you have other plans, and you know what, if you decline, you had better make some!! It is time to take charge of your health and your life, and it is time to stop letting any drama of past relationships get in your way.

 
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Old 10-25-2006, 10:27 AM   #3
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MyPlague HB User
Re: Problem with seeing her...

Quote:
Originally Posted by minnesotagirl
You sound like you're trapped in depression. Have you ever considered help from a medical professional? I think that should be the first thing on your list. Most of your anxieties and saddness can be treated. Plus, it would be a good idea considering you think you may also have an alcohol problem.

It doesn't sound like it would be healthy for you at all to go to this party -- but it should be OK by now. I think there may be deeper issues for you that are preventing you from healing from this relationship -- is this the girl you were seeing back in May? How long were you together anyway?

If you don't go to the party because of her -- she doesn't have to know that's why you aren't there. It is possible to have other plans, so why wouldn't she just think that? When/if you decline the invite, you can just say you have other plans, and you know what, if you decline, you had better make some!! It is time to take charge of your health and your life, and it is time to stop letting any drama of past relationships get in your way.
Depression, yes. But I will not take medicine for it. I know people who tried that, and it either just made it worse, or made them so out of it that it wasn't worth it.

As far as alcohol goes, I haven't drank alcohol in 4 months. And even back then, it was rarely. I used to have an alcohol problem, a year or two ago.

So 5 months it too long to still be screwed up by it? People tell me it's supposed to take longer than that.

I was blindsided.

 
Old 10-25-2006, 10:49 AM   #4
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minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Problem with seeing her...

Well, of course everyone has their own beliefs, but almost all in the medical and scientific professions do classify depression as a disease that can be treated with medication and/or therapy. I personally like to try things for myself instead of just going by what others have done, especially when medical/scientific research backs it up. Perhaps the others you've known who were harmed by medication had a bad doctor -- there is such a thing as that. Actually, medical errors are one of the reasons health care costs are so high. Are you sure you're not using that as an excuse to not get help? Only you can help you.

 
Old 10-25-2006, 03:35 PM   #5
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: USA
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: Problem with seeing her...

I don't see anything wrong at all with being truthful with the host. You don't want to be around this woman, it's too stressful for you, and you'd rather avoid it. Hopefully your friend understands.
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