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Old 10-25-2006, 03:42 PM   #1
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In love and really upset someone help:(

Ok so hear it goes...Im with this guy and we have been together for about 5 months now and i am tottaly in love. I tell him everything and cant lie to him about a thing. So when we get on the topic of my ex today and he says when you had sex with him did you ever let him tape it what was i suppose to say? i know he hates anything like that but i cant lie.so i tell him yes. Now he is super mad at me and told me to leave him alone and not to talk to him that he doesnt want to tlak to me and that he has to think about us. wow ouch it hurt i know that this hurt his feelings but noe he is being really mean to me and saucy and throwing all my mistakes in my face nad it really hurts. I know ive made mistakes but seriously that is really mean. He just keeps saying i couldnt understand how he feels and i understand that too but i hate that he is pushing me away!:'( Someone please help me!

 
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Old 10-25-2006, 03:58 PM   #2
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Re: In love and really upset someone help:(

Ohhh .. ouch. I've been in similar situations before. I know it hurts and it is very frustrating. What I usually find with this type of situation is that after a couple of days, he gets over it and he can move beyond it. Sometimes we have to come to some kind of agreement, like "we'll never talk about that again."

With that being said, he is being totally unreasonable here. You can't change your past. If that was such a huge deal to him --- to the point where it is a deal breaker for a relationship with him -- then he should have asked you about that in the beginning.

I think you should give him a few days. My guess is that if he truly loves you, he'll come crawling back to you.

What if he doesn't? Well, really, his reaction to your past was unhealthy, almost to the point of being emotionally abusive because of the means things he is throwing in your face. If he cares about you, why can't he talk about this in a constructive manner, like adults, instead of insulting and hurting you? He should know you can't change your past. In most relationships with unconditional love, the past doesn't matter, only who we are today.

If you were to go crawling back to him, apologizing and crying, telling him how you've changed, etc... don't you think that one day he's going to throw this back in your face again? Perhaps he might not be able to ever get over it. If that's that case, then he has a mental problem.

Just know that you deserve the best -- and that is to be accepted by your chosen mate, which includes him accepting your past.

 
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Old 10-25-2006, 05:55 PM   #3
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Re: In love and really upset someone help:(

So he is now talking about breaking up..He keeps saying i never thought id even think about this..But he is think about it and i thought he was the one for me and oh my god wht do i do?all i can do is cry!

 
Old 10-25-2006, 06:07 PM   #4
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Re: In love and really upset someone help:(

Sorry but he's just being a baby...how immature can he get?! He'll get over it and if he can't handle something so silly...I mean it's not like you did something bad...then you are better off without that drama...he's a drama queen!
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Old 10-25-2006, 06:14 PM   #5
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Re: In love and really upset someone help:(

I too have been in a situation that is somewhat similar. My ex was a virgin (due to his religion, while I was not and was also not religious). He asked me how many people I had slept with, and when I told him, he started crying, hung up the phone, and wouldnt talk to me until I practically forced him to talk to me. The difference was that I told him that he was being unreasonable and that my past made me who I was and that was that. However, he did pretty much make me say that I 'regretted it', basically by making me feel like a dirty wh***, telling me that 'all he wanted to hear was that I regretted it and was sorry', b/c he wanted to know 'the type of person I really was, with or without him'.
So seriously, how do you think this made me feel!!? It STILL affects me sometimes and we've been broken up for a year.

The thing is, what I know now is that this behavior is manipulative and controlling. By throwing a fit and making you feel bad, dirty, wrong, etc., they are basically taking THEIR insecurities over the situation and pouting until you admit that YOU are the wrong one and beg for them to forgive you.
THIS IS MANIPULATIVE, whether they are purposely doing it or not. So you are going to cry, beg for him not to break up with you, when you didnt do anything wrong?? Your past is your past. Your past does not make you YOU.

What i also know now is that you do not ask and you DO NOT tell. You both were a little bit in the wrong here (or, created a recipe for disaster together). He should not have asked you something like that, b/c OF COURSE he wasnt going to like the answer. And just b/c you dont want to lie to him does not mean you have to tell him things that he isnt going to like to hear.
For now, I would really think about this: do you want to do what I did, and cry and apologize and beg for him to not break up with you so that HE has all the control and you are just left feeling bad about yourself?
He is being a baby and this is unfair to you. He asked; he should be able to deal with the consequences of your answer. If he is going to break up with you over this, then he does not love you. And im sorry to say that. Please think about what YOU want in a guy and what you will and wont put up with. I wish I would have done that more instead of just begging someone to love me when they were out of line.
I hope this helps...

 
Old 10-26-2006, 06:38 AM   #6
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Re: In love and really upset someone help:(

He is being an idiot. Don't ask the questions - you might not like the answers. If he is going to break up with you over something that happened between you and someone else BEFORE you even knew him, he doesn't deserve to be with you.

 
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