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Old 10-26-2006, 07:59 AM   #1
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ladyofkypros HB User
Annoyed with sex talk?

I'm SO CONFUSED! Has anyone's DH or BF ever been annoyed or irritated when you talk about sex or talk dirty to them? My BF sometimes gets annoyed with me when I talk about things that I want to do to him or with him. Like last night, I was thinking about how good it feels when he runs his hands up and down my thigh... just caressing me... nothing even sexually really and I voiced those feelings, and he responds with just dead silence... which really made me feel uncomfortable and stupid. He's done it before and says things like "I'm just a piece of meat, aren't I?" or "Is this just about sex?"... which irritates the hell out of me, because I love him with all my heart and soul and would do ANYTHING to please him emotionally or sexually and he seems put off by it. I thought men loved a "sexual" woman... matter of fact he has made the comment that I am the most "sexually provocative woman" that he has ever been with! And appeared to LIKE that fact... so why does he get so bent out of shape when I talk sexually to him... he made the comment last night that I talk like that, I seem like I'm afraid I'm not going to see him again any time soon. I was like, no... I just like expressing how I feel when I think about you... I'm a very sexual person and I fantasize about him numerous times a day. I asked him if he fantasized about me and he says..."not that often, because I know I can have you anytime I want you." BOY was I floored! Didn't even know how to respond to that one. I don't want to withhold sex to make him appreciate me more, because I WANT to have sex with him, I don't like playing stupid mind games, but I don't know how to handle this one. I just got really quiet... he then says, "I love you, you know that right?" very seriously... I was like, "I love you too..."

I just let the conversation end... didn't know what to say to that one... ANY SUGGESTIONS? Does anyone know why this would get on his nerves?

 
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Old 10-26-2006, 08:32 AM   #2
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Ms_ENV27 HB User
Re: Annoyed with sex talk?

Oh my God. I can't wait to see posters responses to this. You two sound exactly like me and my bf. I don't get it!!! It's soooo weird!! Like, what's wrong with him? Would you rather me NEVER want to have sex, and always telling you no?.. Or would you rather be reminded of how much I do love being intimate with you? What guy wouldn't want that, right?

He says that when I talk like that (which isn't even that bad in my book) He's afraid i'll talk like that to other guys. Umm ok!! I'm with you stupid! My heart and soul belongs to you..... dummy lol. It frusterates the hell out of me when I tell him something intimate/provacative and he gives me some lame response. Not what I was looking for! lol

 
Old 10-26-2006, 08:38 AM   #3
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The Mike HB User
Re: Annoyed with sex talk?

Wish I had some advice but I'm in the same boat.

..."not that often, because I know I can have you anytime I want you."

That would be a problem for me. If my wife told me that I'm afraid I'd have some serious serious problems and would react badly.

I'm at a loss for words for you ladies about your men's lack of interest in your sex talk as to most men(me included) it's highly erotic. If it's anything like my wife I can talk all day about things I want to do to her and she listens but doesn't give input or if she does it's rather half hearted and there is never ever anything in response that is of a similar nature. Trying to make good on my suggestions is another problem that is rarely met with enthusiasm either.

 
Old 10-26-2006, 08:45 AM   #4
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daylight568 HB User
Re: Annoyed with sex talk?

Sex! Don't even mention that word around my bf ! He doesn't wanna hear it either,or shall I say talk about it in anyway.

 
Old 10-26-2006, 08:57 AM   #5
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ladyofkypros HB User
Re: Annoyed with sex talk?

What's even more confusing about this whole situation is that up until about 3 months into our relationship... my BF had a profile on a sex based personals site. He doesn't know that I know about it, but he did delete his profile after we got serious, but in the profile it went on and on about "wanting sex and all it entails"... talked about fantasys, desires, likes, dislikes ... yada, yada. He IS a very sexual person (or was, at least)... I'm starting to wonder if he has that syndrome of where he expects his SO to be a "good" girl and for 1 night stands to be the "bad" girls. I don't think he has ever cheated on me... I do think that he may "talk" to girls online... even though I've never found evidence of it... just a sneaking suspicion. I just don't get it, if you saw his profile on the site, you would think that he was very sexual and confident and comfortable about it... which he is in the bedroom, but when I want to talk dirty or provocative to him or with him, he shuts off. WHAT GIVES?

 
Old 10-26-2006, 09:01 AM   #6
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ladyofkypros HB User
Re: Annoyed with sex talk?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole27
He says that when I talk like that (which isn't even that bad in my book) He's afraid i'll talk like that to other guys. Umm ok!! I'm with you stupid! My heart and soul belongs to you..... dummy lol. It frusterates the hell out of me when I tell him something intimate/provacative and he gives me some lame response. Not what I was looking for! lol

Yeah, he has made the comment to me before that I would be like "this" with whomever I happened to be with... it just happened to be him. Comments like that REALLY hurt and I hate feeling like I have to defend how I feel for him and that I wouldn't feel like this toward just anyone.

 
Old 10-26-2006, 09:16 AM   #7
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Ms_ENV27 HB User
Re: Annoyed with sex talk?

I know! I also understand why you feel stupid when he either responds nothing at all or just something lame. It makes me feel soooo dumb. Hate that!

 
Old 10-26-2006, 08:36 PM   #8
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Re: Annoyed with sex talk?

I think you may be on to something when you say you think he has that "syndrome" about the SO is the "good girl"...it may be entirely possible that you two aren't sexually compatible. My BF isn't real into very nasty stuff but if I started talking dirty to him he'd be all over me in a second. He wouldn't want me to say perverted stuff but just things that I want to do to him or want him to do to me. Heck, my EX used to want me to come up with sex stories like in the Pent. Forums! I hated that and it made me feel really uncomfortable even when I was drunk! It seems odd to me because usually men are sex crazed animals...hahaha! Well like you said, he's into the sex sites on line...he likes nasty stuff, just not with the woman he loves...he wants to think you are somehow better than that...like you said...that "syndrome".
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Last edited by keepsgoin; 10-27-2006 at 06:07 AM.

 
Old 10-26-2006, 10:36 PM   #9
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Re: Annoyed with sex talk?

some people suck in bed... my ex was like that... she hated when I talked "dirty" saying that it made her feel like a sl**... and I was not even saying anything raunchy. you boyfriend is wierd... from personal experience, if one person isn't as sexual as you then you should leave them because it only goes down hill.

did he actually say " I feel like a piece of meat" I'm sorry but that is down right strange!!!

 
Old 10-27-2006, 06:18 AM   #10
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Re: Annoyed with sex talk?

I'd like to add another comment...If the man I was with didn't want to be sexual with me...I'd be very hurt and I'm affraid I'd just have to leave because something just isn't right with that! I know that not every man is just the same but as a rule, men think about sex...what's the old joke, every 10 seconds? HAHA! If someone doesn't want sex with you, there's something thats not quite right and I fear the relationship is in deep trouble. Does this man have sex with you often but just doesn't like the dirty talk or does he avoid sex...period? And I agree with Bravo about the piece of meat comment, that's just strange!!!!
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Old 10-27-2006, 07:44 AM   #11
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Re: Annoyed with sex talk?

Quote:
Originally Posted by keepsgoin
Does this man have sex with you often but just doesn't like the dirty talk or does he avoid sex...period? And I agree with Bravo about the piece of meat comment, that's just strange!!!!
We usually only get to see each other on the weekends... but we talk on the phone pretty much every night. We usually have sex Saturday night and then again on Sunday morning and if I'm lucky, I may be able to squeeze a quicky in on Sunday afternoon before I leave to go home, but that is rare. He doesn't usally talk to dirty to me during sex, he definitely likes to tell me what to do... which is fine with me. He has gotten raunchy a couple times, and there was one time I said something about anal sex (in a very straight forward manner) and he got all excited and wanted me to say it again. He will, for the record, DO anything to please me and make sure that I am happy sexually, but then when it's over, it's just over and he looks at me like I'm crazy if I make any reference to sex after that. He even made the comment one time "It doesn't matter what I do, it will never be enough"... this was after I suggested using my vibrator to help me along after he had already both had O's, I just wanted to prolong the love making... I wanted more.

Do you think I would be wrong to withhold sex this weekend? I'm so upset about the "I know I can have you anytime I want you" comment, that I'm just speechless! I know well enough, that if that is the way he feels, then there is NO challenge left in our relationship and I'm afriad that it will lead to boredom... if that is not what the problem is already.

Last edited by ladyofkypros; 10-27-2006 at 07:45 AM.

 
Old 10-28-2006, 03:15 AM   #12
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shmal HB User
Re: Annoyed with sex talk?

How did I know I'd find your here Ladyof...LOL!I see what got removed on the other board..Well we are more or less two peas in a pod!My "bf" is not much of a "talker" certainly I am not raunchy, however a bit of suggestive talk can go a long way and has GREAT effect! But in the big picture I am certainly more likely to send him a text msg saying ,"boy I'd really like to x,y,z....to you blah,blah,blah. And while he tells me that "physically" he's "moved" ,a little verbal response would be good in return.He has not made me feel bad or uncomforable and this is funny but I can send him very suggestive text,letters and even verbal messages but get really embarresed if I am sitting there with him. Then I basically clam up, go figure.Just yesterday afternoon I spoke to him on the phone,was all worked up, went to his house in the later part of the day and then got all stupid like once I was there.Nothing happened, we were on our way to grab a bite to eat ,then I got a call and had to leave.Afterward we were talking agreed both of us were"motivated" but yet we are both so non-agressive that nada. It seems to me I have to most often make the first move and really I have never been very comfortable doing that.Although,I have gotten better .I have said to him it's ok for you to start something but I think over all we both get shy and goofy like!Once we get going then all is ok but the initial seems to be on me.So if you can suggest someway to get him going first please enlighten me...

I think you got to read my last post to you on the other board before they took it away.About feeling bad pulling him into my chaos...I ended up sending him a "text novel" telling him how much I enjoy his co,how I feel so great while I am with him etc.. But then I tried to totally sabotage myself telling him I know my current situation is not so great and he would probably be better off to run like the wind,till all this stuff settles down.Long story short he reiterrated that he is a big boy,knows what he's getting into and for me not to worry about this.So I feel perhaps I should just shut up and be happy,lol.We went to NYC the following weekend,but not with the great results like the Sat before I still feel bad about this issue, his answer is ,"I'll just have to keep trying." I'm glad he feels this way.This might sound crazy but he is very strongly oppinionated about using a condom,he actually prefers to,which I guess is good,I had a hysterectomy so no chance of pregnancy and I know that I am clean.After finding out about my ExH the first thing I did was run to the gyno.And the BF is clean,at least as far as I/we know, he says it just keeps him able to put off "achieving" a bit but I think that I might have better results without it. But I want to be respectful of his opinion so I don't push it but i wonder....

 
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