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Old 10-27-2006, 06:09 AM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 201
mismax HB User
Need help with a friend!

I just need to vent to some unbiased people.

So, my good friend has stopped talking to me for some apparent reason. I don't know why. Things were good on Monday and we haven't spoken since. She won't talk to me in person, she won't respond to email, she won't respond to her phone or anything. I mean I will admit I did get a bit upset with her over the weekend but I never once showed it at all. Her and another friend of mine "crashed" a "date" I was on Saturday night. I felt so bad that night and I left a long email for my "date" about it. He was all good with it though. So, that is good. Thing that bothered me on saturday, besides them crashing, was how they kept referring to it as a date and him as my boyfriend right in front of him. It upset me because he and I haven't even talked about that or anything. It just got to me. It wouldn't have been a problem if they were invited and he was okay with it. It was just supposed to be the two of us that night. Now, I would never do anything like this to one of my friends. Bottom line what bothers me the most is the childish way she is acting now.

I have been thinking a lot lately and I am seriously considering cutting her out of my life right now. I have too many things going on in my life and the last thing I need or want is someone who can't be mature enough to talk to me if I did something or what not. I'm afraid to cut her out though because we have a lot of the same friends. I'm afraid I will lose them too. I guess it is a risk I just will have to take. So, do you all think I am overreacting with this whole situation? And would it bother you if your friends crashed your "date"? Do I just ignore her or what? I am just at a loss as to what to do. I've never had to deal with somebody like this. I'm really picky with who I am friends with for this reason because I don't like all this drama and stuff. You know? Again, thanks to everyone!

Last edited by Administrator; 08-08-2010 at 01:36 PM.

 
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Old 10-27-2006, 06:44 AM   #2
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Br
Posts: 224
brazilman HB User
Re: Need help with a friend!

Well, perhaps you weren't clear enough that it was supposed to be only him and you that night, but at the same time I am afraid that, being your "good friend", she should have been able to feel the atmosphere, read your mind (the red flag) and leave the place, wherever it was you met. You're really entitled to say that she (and the other) spoiled the party. Maybe she is simply jealous of you or maybe she is also interested in the same guy?

I don't think you are overreacting, but I think you'd be better to stop calling her. If you don't know what to do, just don't do anything. Put it on the backburner.

Now, about your common friends. If you break up with her, there certainly will be a polarization. You can't avoid it: some will stick with you, some with her, and some with both. What is the problem? You're in an age when friends come and go, when there is a lot of mobility, so don't worry. I am sure that you won't be alone, and if ever you will be alone, it will just be a short period of time.

JC

Last edited by Administrator; 08-08-2010 at 01:35 PM.

 
Old 10-27-2006, 08:48 AM   #3
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 745
minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Need help with a friend!

OH, girls!!! Why are we so catty with each other?? I can't stand these types of situations either, which is why I only have a few female friends -- all of the non-drama type.

I think you probably did do or say something to upset this girl, but who knows what?? You've tried reaching out to her, but it sounds like she is simply being stubborn about it, and yes, very immature -- she should just come out and tell you what's up instead of playing these games.

You're also right in that it was immature of her to crash your date and act like that -- calling him your boyfriend and all. Was she trying to sabotage your date? That's why it sounds like to me... what is she jealous or something?

I think it sounds like you're taking the high road here. You've tried to reach out to her, I'm assuming in a nice way? And she's failed on her part to communicate with you. What I'd do is simply wait for her to cool off for awhile -- and wait for her to respond to you. You don't have to avoid her or make a statement about cutting her out of your life -- because you're right, that would cause even more drama amongst your circle of friends. If she's out with you and the rest of your friends, just be polite and try to be normal. My guess is that she'll get over this eventually. But, I would be a bit less trusting of her from now on -- I wouldn't really rely on her for anything, that is.

 
Old 10-27-2006, 09:32 AM   #4
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 201
mismax HB User
Re: Need help with a friend!

Quote:
Originally Posted by minnesotagirl
OH, girls!!! Why are we so catty with each other?? I can't stand these types of situations either, which is why I only have a few female friends -- all of the non-drama type.

I think you probably did do or say something to upset this girl, but who knows what?? You've tried reaching out to her, but it sounds like she is simply being stubborn about it, and yes, very immature -- she should just come out and tell you what's up instead of playing these games.

You're also right in that it was immature of her to crash your date and act like that -- calling him your boyfriend and all. Was she trying to sabotage your date? That's why it sounds like to me... what is she jealous or something?

I think it sounds like you're taking the high road here. You've tried to reach out to her, I'm assuming in a nice way? And she's failed on her part to communicate with you. What I'd do is simply wait for her to cool off for awhile -- and wait for her to respond to you. You don't have to avoid her or make a statement about cutting her out of your life -- because you're right, that would cause even more drama amongst your circle of friends. If she's out with you and the rest of your friends, just be polite and try to be normal. My guess is that she'll get over this eventually. But, I would be a bit less trusting of her from now on -- I wouldn't really rely on her for anything, that is.

I'd like to hope she wasn't out to sabotage my date but I feel like she was. The whole night it was about how she was going to get tore up and how she hated her boyfriend. This is exactly why I only have a few close female friends. Too much drama. I have tried reaching out to her in a nice way and all I asked was that she tell me what I did because I am in the dark about it. I find it so hard to believe people can be this petty and all. It never ceases to amaze me though. I have no intentions of declaring it to everyone that right now her and I aren't seeing eye to eye, but this definitely changed the dynamic in the relationship. It is actually quite sad and it saddens me to see her act this way. What goes around comes around right...Karma can be a pain in the butt sometimes. She will learn at some point, unfortunately I don't have the time to deal with this while she figures out a few things about herself. I know this is harsh, but it really isn't a loss to me and I don't feel so bad about it if she were to leave my life. Guess, I just have more self-respect and love for myself. Does this make me sound conceited?

 
Old 10-27-2006, 10:13 AM   #5
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: St. Paul, Minnesota
Posts: 745
minnesotagirl HB User
Re: Need help with a friend!

Heck no!!!! Having self respect is not being conceited! I think you did the right thing. You're really doing all that you can do. Some girls are just drama queens.

Last edited by Administrator; 08-08-2010 at 01:34 PM.

 
Old 10-31-2006, 08:55 AM   #6
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(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 201
mismax HB User
Re: Need help with a friend!

So, yeah things have gone from bad to worse with this girl. Now she is putting our other friends in the middle of all of this and she is putting people at work in the middle of this. I find it so immature and pathetic of her to act this way. I mean I haven't talked about this with any of our friends or anyone at work because I do not want to put people in the middle of it. I feel like she is trying to sabotage my relationships with my other friends, who also happen to be hers. Plus since that saturday night that guy has been acting all distant now. I just feel like I need to bow out gracefully. It just sucks because I feel like I am losing all these relationships I have worked on developing because of this nonsense. I know if they were my friends none of this would matter. Well, the reality is it does matter! I'm just in a funk because the guy I like is acting all distant (probably because of something I said or did, really don't know) and all this crap with my one girl friend. So, like I said before I feel my only option is to bow out gracefully and wave the white flag with these two relationships that seem to be going down the drain. I apologize for the rant but I just needed to vent and hopefully get someone elses views on this.

 
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