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Old 10-27-2006, 12:51 PM   #1
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Angel HB User
I need to vent.

I'm 22 and my fiance is 21. We have been together for a year and a half. He is nothing but the best thing that has ever happened to me. So kind and sweet. In the beginning of our relationship his mom and dad had nothing but doubts about us being together, moving out, getting married, and having a job ect. Just complete put downs! No support from them whatsoever! But we didn't listen!!! We got jobs and now we have our own place and a car. My fiance no longer talks to his parents because they are quite angry we proved them WRONG. Now I gotta deal with my family! They sayin just because I moved in with my fiance I'm not going to finish school, They think we are gonna have a bunch of kids running around and being on welfare, He's going to get in the way of my education etc..... This really pisses me off. And it makes me wan't to line all of them up and literally choke them one by one. People get degrees all the time while being married or even having kids. It might be harder but it can be done. I'm sick of all this doubt. People need to stop trying to be in our buisness. I'm not a kid, I'am an adult. I can make my own damn decsions and so can my fiance. Now I'm going to school and I'm gonna finsh my degree just to shut them up. And I don't even know if I wan't to go around some of my family members anymore. Why can't everyone just be happy for us???

 
Old 10-27-2006, 01:32 PM   #2
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minnesotagirl HB User
Re: I need to vent.

Whoa, well, without knowing ALL the details of your situation, I just want to say -- what if any of your family members really DID die tomorrow, and they left the world thinking that you didn't love them or that you were mad at them. I think your family just loves you and wants the best for you.

You know, a year and a half together really isn't that long. Plus, you are still really young to be thinking marriage. I know because I got married when I was 20 (just about to turn 21). I DID wait until I graduated college and had my bachelor's degree and a career started (I was the youngest in my college class at the time), I just finished school really quick. I was in the relationship this whole time going to school. But I do think my parents were accepting of my marriage because I did finish school first. I'm now 28 and guess what -- I'm divorced. One of the reasons is because I felt I got married too young. Of course, at the time, I totally thought it would last forever. Anyway...

I think you just need to give you family time and continue to prove them wrong. How long has been since you've been on your own? How far along are you in college? Are you thinking about your career after college and what you're going to do, and starting to take action by looking for internships, etc.? How about your fiance, is he going to college, too?

I think your family is just worried because they love you. You just have to work on compromising with them. But, don't cut them out of your life. Your family are usually the people you can turn to when you have no one else.

Good luck!

 
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Old 10-27-2006, 02:19 PM   #3
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keepsgoin HB User
Re: I need to vent.

Ya know...I get that old "what if someone dies tomorrow and you are mad at them" and it really makes me want to scream....What if I die tomorrow and they are all acting like A**es toward me!!!!!!? That's what I feel like! Anywho....

I do agree that you are very young but I know people that were together at younger than that and are still together many years later...I know people that got together at much older ages and are divorced. I say if you can live on your own and are not dependant on others for support then what are they so worried about? It sounds like you two are ambitious and well on your way to success and I say more power to ya! They really to need to but out!
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Old 10-27-2006, 04:38 PM   #4
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Angel HB User
Re: I need to vent.

Quote:
Originally Posted by minnesotagirl
Whoa, well, without knowing ALL the details of your situation, I just want to say -- what if any of your family members really DID die tomorrow, and they left the world thinking that you didn't love them or that you were mad at them. I think your family just loves you and wants the best for you.

You know, a year and a half together really isn't that long. Plus, you are still really young to be thinking marriage. I know because I got married when I was 20 (just about to turn 21). I DID wait until I graduated college and had my bachelor's degree and a career started (I was the youngest in my college class at the time), I just finished school really quick. I was in the relationship this whole time going to school. But I do think my parents were accepting of my marriage because I did finish school first. I'm now 28 and guess what -- I'm divorced. One of the reasons is because I felt I got married too young. Of course, at the time, I totally thought it would last forever. Anyway...

I think you just need to give you family time and continue to prove them wrong. How long has been since you've been on your own? How far along are you in college? Are you thinking about your career after college and what you're going to do, and starting to take action by looking for internships, etc.? How about your fiance, is he going to college, too?

I think your family is just worried because they love you. You just have to work on compromising with them. But, don't cut them out of your life. Your family are usually the people you can turn to when you have no one else.

Good luck!
Well thank you for your input, but you are really trying to base your bad marriage experience in a way like everybody is going to get divorce at a young age if they marry. Because it happened to you. Yes we are young so what?, but it does not mean ALL young people are going to get a divorce. We are engaged, but not married yet, we wan't to wait a while. And who are you to judge a year and a half is not long enough??????? And what If I died tommrrow??? It goes both ways. Then they would have to live with the ignorance at how they behaved.

 
Old 10-27-2006, 04:58 PM   #5
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: I need to vent.

Angel, minnesotagirl was just trying to offer wisdom and advice because she was in a position similiar to yours. Of course your relationship won't necessarily end up in divorce just because someone else's did, but she was just trying to help by sharing her story, not trying to rag on you.

I think it is commendable that you've got your own place and are surviving without any outside help. That's awesome. I think it is really SAD that your fiance's family is mad at you guys because you succeeded. How silly is that?

But it is clear that your family is just really concerned about you. They just want what is best for you. (Or what THEY think is best for you). It's hard for parents to acknowledge that their little babies are all grown up and that they (parents) have become obsolete. Maybe there is something about your fiance that your parents don't like. My fiance is a wonderful man, absolutely incredible, and my parents still don't like him. For a lot of parents, no one is good enough for their little girl!

I know it is easy to get angry. But they love you SO much, and just want to see you happy. Assure them that you are, and that you'll be okay. Hopefully you can sit down and have a serious, mature talk with them. They just have to accept that you're an adult now...and that can take awhile
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Old 10-27-2006, 05:31 PM   #6
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KeltoKel HB User
Re: I need to vent.

If you are now living together, what is the rush to marry? Finish school first and then get married. It is just easier in general. I had my master's degree before I married and boy am I glad I got that out of the way.

If you do have kids, you want to be sure you can support them on your own incase something were to happen to your husband. That means going to college and getting a good job - and gaining experience.

Hubby and I are expecting out first baby in about 3 weeks. I feel good knowing that if something were to happen to him, that I could support our child on our own. The same goes for him - if something were to happen to me.

Your parents want what is best for you. It may seem annoying, but education needs to come first. Plenty of time to marry.

 
Old 10-27-2006, 05:58 PM   #7
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 11
DomesticPenguin HB User
Re: I need to vent.

Just go for it. When youíre young and passionate, advice is meaningless. Move away, be independent, do whatever. Get married, have children, start a country.

Minnesota girl has much good input on this board. Our twenties are the most dynamic time in our life; this is well document in psychology. The probability of two people who will both change dramatically hanging on to a relationship is quite low. This is irrelevant to you, however, because you are young. Enjoy the passion because it will diminish with time.

Since you are so confident, why do you care what anyone thinks including your family? Just go forward, you will learn as you go. Our opinions won't matter because we are not you. Maybe you will have everlasting bliss with you partner, maybe you won't. It is the journey that matters, there is no end goal. You can't see life as a 30 year old person, because you are not 30. You have much development to go through. The frustrating thing about life is that you won't know if your decisions are good until long after you have made them.

 
Old 10-28-2006, 11:48 AM   #8
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Location: Arizona
Posts: 66
Angel HB User
Re: I need to vent.

I know they are trying to help and I'm sorry for comming on this board and being angry with you all. You guys are not the problem. You all have given me REALLY GOOD ADVICE! What you all have said has really made sense also. I care about what our families say because it hurts, I feel like I can never please anyone, nothing is ever good. But thank you all for the advice, I really appreciate it. Hope to talk to you again sometime soon.

 
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