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Old 10-27-2006, 05:23 PM   #1
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xxbxbunnixx HB User
I Might Have To Let Go The One I Love

Ok i love this boy so much and we are supose to get married and i just found out that he has been doing drugs for a long time, cuz he stole 800 dollars for coke and it pisses me off sooooooo bad because we went through this before and i feel like and idiot because he has been lieing to me i want to just plain out tell him that if he lies to me or does drugs again im going to leave him which hurts me so bad but i dont want to threatin him and get him mad but how do i say it to him and am i wrong about leaving?

 
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Old 10-27-2006, 05:38 PM   #2
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Re: I Might Have To Let Go The One I Love

Why would you give him another chance? I think you are in denial because you want to love him and you want him to change. He has a drug habit, and he steals to support it. This is not somebody you marry. You have to look at this situation with your head, not your heart. Don't you want anything better for yourself?
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Old 10-28-2006, 06:28 AM   #3
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Re: I Might Have To Let Go The One I Love

HI

I agree with Gypsy Archer.

It sounds like his drug problem is getting out of control if he has starting stealing in order to fund his habit. He needs help in order to overcome this problem.

If I was you I would get out of the relationship before you get even more emotionally attached to him. I know this isn't what you want to hear.

I am not sure how old you are but if it's first time love I know how intense that love can feel. You don't hold any emotions back because you have never been hurt by anyone before. People call it teen love but I think this type of love is the deepest, as don't have any emotional baggage from past relationships. You truly fall head over heels. However, there are plenty more fish in the sea and you WILL meet someone who is more stable and can look after you. Someone who is truly marriage material.

Over time drugs can change a person's character and trust me it's not in a nice way, in particular depression, anger, temper. If you feel that you are too in love to end this relationship than the only other option is to help him quit the drugs. This could be a long and emotionally painful road to take and I know which I would rather do.

Best of luck.

WESTXX

 
Old 10-28-2006, 07:08 AM   #4
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Re: I Might Have To Let Go The One I Love

He is not going to stop unless he wants to. He has a disease and he is lying and stealing to support this. He needs some serious help, but no matter what you say or do you are not going to be able to change him.

I know you love this man, but if you marry him this is what your life is going to be. Do you want to have children in this environment? Like GypsyArcher said, you have to look at this with your head and not your heart. Easy said than done, I know.

I hope you find the courage to do what is best for you and not stick around with this false hope of change.

 
Old 10-28-2006, 08:31 AM   #5
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Re: I Might Have To Let Go The One I Love

The answer is simple, to me anyway. I would ditch this guy because I have absolutely no patience whatsoever for people who use drugs. I really despise those people and there's no way I'd ever be in a relationship with one. There's just no way. I would never in a million years put up with it.

But that's me. I can't tell you what to do. But you have to ask yourself if you're willing to put up with it or if you'll realize that you deserve better than to be saddled with some loser drug addict. It's really your choice, but I personally believe that you deserve better. Dating losers and even worse, marrying them, is a huge mistake and you'll regret it.

 
Old 10-28-2006, 12:04 PM   #6
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Re: I Might Have To Let Go The One I Love

Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbxbunnixx
Ok i love this boy so much and we are supose to get married and i just found out that he has been doing drugs for a long time, cuz he stole 800 dollars for coke and it pisses me off sooooooo bad because we went through this before and i feel like and idiot because he has been lieing to me i want to just plain out tell him that if he lies to me or does drugs again im going to leave him which hurts me so bad but i dont want to threatin him and get him mad but how do i say it to him and am i wrong about leaving?
You love him - that is all right - but first of all you must love yourself. If you stay with this man, unless he changes and that is a very difficult thing to happen, you are heading toward trouble. And it is not only about the drugs, it is also about the lying and stealing.

You are not wrong about leaving him if you can clearly see the bleak future ahead of you. If it's about love, I'm sure love will come your way again soon, if you only go to the right places. But, if I get it right, the main problem for you is how to tell him without sounding threatening and getting hurt yourself.

Possibly you'll need the intervention of someone else: a friend or a member of your own family. Anyway, your strategy must be telling him that you are not the right person for him, and not the other way round. That is, you don't need to humiliate him. Say that you have changed recently, have changed your mind about some of the things you had been planning together. If you had said you wanted kids, now you are no longer sure about this. If you had said you wanted to be a homemaker, now you feel you'd like to work and make money. If you had said you wanted to marry, now you are questioning marriage and would rather stay free... etc. Say that these things have been going on in your head for some time now, but you didn't know how to express them to him, etc. You must find a way to tell him your decision without sounding too tough, too harsh, too cruel, but it's just all right if he gets the message that you are a rather "unstable" person.

Good luck.

JC

 
Old 10-28-2006, 11:07 PM   #7
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Re: I Might Have To Let Go The One I Love

ok thank you guys for all this advice it really help i told him that i was leaving him i packed up my stuff and left he said fine and left the house also he found me and begged me to please give him one more chance i said no and then he said he'd go to rehab and if it didnt work and lied or did drugs again i could dump him and so now i am giving him one last chance and i cant thank you guys enough
Luv B

 
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