Originally Posted by Mvhrt
I don't know if i'm looking for advice or if I just need to vent but i had been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and am now currently almost eight months pregnant. He is an alcholic... which really really sucks... not like a mean drunk or an angry drunk or anything like that just a really big drinker like his life depends on it.
Last weekend i decided to ban alcohol from my house because I am sick of him getting so drunk to the point that i have to baby sit him so that he doesn't accidently hurt himself or choke on his on vomit etc etc... i'm also sick of his drunk friends being around... i'm pregnant the last thing i want to do is watch people party and then have to clean up after them.
So on Thursday he picked a fight with me via text messages and as soon as he did i knew where it was going.. he's done this in the past just so he has an exuse not to come home and instead go get drunk somewhere. Well the last time he pulled one of these disapearing acts that were becoming to close in time for my taste i told him that was it... and he said he understood and promised he wouldn't do it again... but he did...with full knowledge of what i said the outcome would be. Not only did he disapear on me on Thursday but he turned his phone off so i couldn't call him and no one knew where he really was which also makes me think he may have been cheating on me since we haven't had sex in months because "i'm pregnant and it's weird" according to him. When I finally got ahold of him it was midnight and he was highly intoxicated and i had been having contractions all day due to this added stress and he replied with a - good i hope it hurts and hung up on me and turned his phone off.
Yesterday when i talked to him he told me that he wasn't sorry and that i had it coming to me but then kept sending me text messages claiming to "love" me. I think he just wants to keep living off of me whatever the case it really really sucks. I already have three children from a previous relationship and this would be my fourth child and i really don't want to be the single parent of four children so now i'm faced with questions i didn't think i'd have to face such as... how about adoption? Or how about I sign my rights away because i can't do this alone.. i'm a full time college student and have a hard enough time making ends meet. This is absolutly devastating me and I really feel like I shouldn't take him back whether i am pregnant or not because if he is pulling this crap where he doesn't come home sometimes now while i'm pregnant (and it only started when i was pregnant) then what is he going to do after the baby is here? And if i go back on my word of leaving him if he did what he did again then i become a doormat and i'm sick of being a doormat i feel like i have a bit more worth than that.
Seems you both want advice and need to vent. There are a few questions unanswered, however.
Whose house is this? Where are your other kids? Do you get any financial help from their father?
It is very difficult to tell what to do. We can only encourage you to make a decision, and the most urgent one is to make him leave. The question is how.
He may feel he has a right to stay in the house, and then again you are pregnant with his child. Can you separate father from child just because you don't want him anymore or just becasue he is an alcoholic? And can you give the child up for adoption without his consent?
I think you are in a bad fix, and you possibly need some legal advice, really. Can you get it somehow? The most vulnerable person is the unborn child. It is not fair to make him or her suffer. If the child has to suffer, let it be the least possible.
I don't think adoption would be a bad idea, as long as the father agrees to it. I don't know why, but I don't think you should withdraw yourself completely from this child. Well I know why: it is because you are not actually rejecting it, but it is because you feel you can't afford to keep it.
Haven't you got a sister or sibling, a close relative or a dear friend with whom you could leave the child, however keeping in touch with it as it grows up and eventually bringing it back "home", if adequate? I don't know what you call it, but it could be something like "co-parenting", you know.
As for your boy-friend and yourself, you seem to be on very different levels of maturity. The most obvious example: you have already three kids, and what does he know about life? Besides, he appears to be offensive to you and incurable.
Yes, it'd help you to get this man out of your life, stay in touch with your child and be more selective next time around.
Hope this helps you a little bit.