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Old 10-29-2006, 10:01 PM   #1
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Sillygrl HB UserSillygrl HB User
Totally weird!

Ok this is not really a problem, at least not yet, I just need some opinions. So, a lil info about me first may help. I am a 23 year old female and I have a very serious bf and we live together. Well, he has a friend (he is also my friend, but I have not known him as long), and this said friend is a gay male. Well the other night we were all at a party and myself this friend and pretty much everyone else was drinking except my bf. Well, this friend, lets call him George, was all over me the whole night! He was touching my breasts and putting his face up under my skirt and was I guess you could say, grinding me! I was quite drunk, but regardless I thought it was a little much. Now, here is the really weird part, my bf thought it was hilarious!!! I guess since this guy is gay he is of no threat. But, I can tell you that if another girl was all over my bf gay or not, I would have a problem with it!!! Then to make matters worse I had the weirdest dream about George that night. In my dream he wanted to have intercourse with me. It was too weird! But after all his gropping and the dream I am really messed up in the head. I am not going to say I liked what he did, because I am not attracted to him like that and I have a BF, but I didnt dislike it !!!!!! Please tell me this was just the alcohol at work! Also is it really common for gay guys to be all over girls? He is a self-professed boob lover and has touched mine when he was sober. Oh all this is way too weird. I really like hanging out with this guy, he is a fun person, but I dont want all this to get out of control! Why would my bf sit there and laugh when this guy had his face in my cleavage?

 
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Old 10-29-2006, 10:47 PM   #2
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Re: Totally weird!

Yep, I have been there.

When I was with my ex, I (we) was also best friends with this guy that is gay. He even had a boyfriend at some points when we were all friends. This didn't stop him making crude jokes with me and he would often do things that I would consider extremely suggestive if coming from a heterosexual - but because he was gay, we'd just have fun with it. Sometimes he'd even do that stuff to my ex aswell, trying to shove his hands in his clothes or dancing suggestively on him; we all just found it hilarious.

I think the rules must change a bit when they are gay.

This is all up to how your bf feels I guess. Mine didn't care, until one night we were out drunk and the gay guy pashed me in front of him and he said that was a bit much. He wasn't angry, just a little uncomfortable. So I kept that in mind and made sure that didn't happen again!

 
Old 10-29-2006, 10:55 PM   #3
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Sillygrl HB UserSillygrl HB User
Re: Totally weird!

Hmmm, did you like it when your gay friend did that to you?

 
Old 10-30-2006, 12:01 AM   #4
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Re: Totally weird!

Well, yes it was a lot of fun. But thats all it was really - fun. We would be very cheeky with eachother, much moreso than I would be with any other male that wasn't my boyfriend. I did enjoy it, yes.
But there was nothing sexual about it, I was not attracted to him physically or anything. I guess I just didn't find him attractive or the fact that he was so obviously gay just made me not even consider it. Besides, I was totally into my boyfriend. I never developed feelings for this gay man beyond pure friendship.

Do you feel you have feelings for this gay man?

 
Old 10-30-2006, 07:42 AM   #5
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Re: Totally weird!

Wow, if this is not really a problem, then it is at least a very intricate situation. As far as I can see, there are a lot of things going on here, maybe not.

Allow me to make a few digressions here.

I have known many gay males and I can tell you that most, if not all of them were indeed bi and many, if not most, had - at some point of their lives - had sexual contact with women, since it's very common for a gay man to be on intimate terms with women. In fact, I think many gay males avoid women sexually in the first place, because they think they are not good enough to please women in bed, until they may learn that not every woman is that hard to please and that pure affection matters as much.

On the other hand, it's very common for women to look at a gay man as a challenge for themselves. Right or wrong, a woman may think he is a "broken" man that can be "mended". And if she is the one to finally mend him, she can only increase her self-esteem thereby, you know. This could explain your sexual fantasy about George. I would say more. This may look like a paradox, but if he could dump his attraction to other men, a gay man would make the best husband ever. Not only is he generally more sensitive than the average straight guy, but also rarely will he cheat on his wife. Where is a woman who wouldn't like to take such a husband?

Now back to your "problem".

I don't think alcohol can be used as an excuse for any behaviour. Alcohol simply releases it, brings to the surface what was being hidden below.

As for your boy-friend, either he is really very self-confident or he is playing with fire, without being aware of it. As I said above, even a gay man can play the part of a straight guy, sometimes, so your bf should be more careful. I also don't think it is a good policy to be laughing at whatever gay people say or do. I know some gay people like to show off, but then again it is not fair to be making fun of them all the time. It really doesn't help them.

As for yourself, I think that maybe your doubts about the situation stem from a feeling that you aren't being duly protected by your boy-friend, that he is not giving you all the emotional support you need. Also, that he has a gay friend must be a cause for concern for you: why on earth should a straight guy have a gay male friend? This is a very unusual combination, unless they both share a very specialized field of knowledge, say the erotic life of the working class in Ancient Egypt or the healing power of mushrooms growing wil in Central America.

As for George, he might simply be showing off, or maybe he was provoking your boy-friend (could he have any interest in your bf?). I really think that he overstepped the mark. Anyway, I really see no reason whatever for laughing at this, but then again this is me. I don't know how long you have been together. Shouldn't your bf know you better by now? If this is oppressing you, I would try to find the time to talk about it and clear the air as quickly as possible.

Good luck.

JC

 
Old 10-30-2006, 11:30 AM   #6
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daylight568 HB User
Re: Totally weird!

Your bf was either 1) not jealous because he really isn't into you that much anyway or 2)Hes very jealous and not trying to let it show because he is VERY into you and doesn't want to do or say anything that might stir up a fight with you and get you mad at him.As for which one it could be ,your guess is as good as mine,lol.

 
Old 10-30-2006, 01:42 PM   #7
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GypsyArcher HB User
Re: Totally weird!

Gay or not, what made this guy think he had any right to grab your breasts and put his head up your shirt? You really didn't mind? I would have been totally skeeved out. If you don't want this crap to get out of control, then the next time this guy reaches out a hand toward you, push him away and tell him where exactly he and his hand can go.

Who knows, maybe your boyfriend liked watching another guy feel you up?
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Old 10-30-2006, 06:23 PM   #8
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Sillygrl HB UserSillygrl HB User
Re: Totally weird!

Thanks for all the responses, they have helped. To answer a few questions, no I am not attracted to him, except I guess you could say attracted as a friend. There is merely the attraction you feel for an interesting person. I guess what maybe turned it into a sexual thing for me was the dream I had that night, where he wanted to have sex with me. I usually have very vivid dreams and that one was way too vivid. As for my bf I hope he is not disinterested in me, we have talked about our future and it seems pretty positive. He is also the LEAST jealous man I have ever met. However, at one point that night, he did say, "What are you doing to my gf"? It sounded a little like, "uh ok thats enough". Ok and next, I see nothing wrong with a straight male having a gay friend. They have a lot in common, except for their sexual preference of course. George also has a ton of other straight male friends. He is a very manly gay man and he hates overly gay men. Also, my bf wasnt laughing at his gayness, he was laughing at his crazy behavior. He was doing weird stuff to everyone that night and he was in a costume that may have made him more adventurous. Everyone was laughing at him, it wasnt just my bf. Also, I think my bf didnt haul off and smack him bc they are really good friends and he doesnt want to ruin that. But I do agree with the fact that I may just feel a little unprotected by my bf. I maybe wanted him to be a man and say, "Gay or not, no one touches my gf but me", but hes too laid back. Hmm, I am also really bad at confrontation and besides the boob grabbing, George is a really fun and interesting person. How should I go about resolving this?

 
Old 10-30-2006, 07:37 PM   #9
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Destea HB User
Re: Totally weird!

While confrontation isn't necessarily a fun thing... I think you should talk to your boyfriend, if you do have and want a serious future together you'll have to step over the comfort zones sometimes, he can't read your mind

Just let him know it weirds YOU out a bit that it doesn't weird *him* out when someone, even a gay guy, is all 'up in your business', if you know what I mean! That's really not appropriate unless you're inviting it - even then... I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be having any man all over my body in front of my husband (or, obviously, NOT in front of my hubby as well!).

Best remedy is to just be honest - you can still be light hearted about it, but if it's bugging you bring it up and hear what he thinks. Maybe he'll surprise you!

 
Old 10-31-2006, 11:39 AM   #10
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Re: Totally weird!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sillygrl
Thanks for all the responses, they have helped. To answer a few questions, no I am not attracted to him, except I guess you could say attracted as a friend. There is merely the attraction you feel for an interesting person. I guess what maybe turned it into a sexual thing for me was the dream I had that night, where he wanted to have sex with me.

WELL MAYBE YOU WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM, TOO? THAT IS A MORE OBVIOUS INTERPRETATION FOR YOUR VIVID DREAM, IN MY OPINION. NOT CRITICIZING YOU, JUST RAISING A POSSIBILITY.

I usually have very vivid dreams and that one was way too vivid. As for my bf I hope he is not disinterested in me, we have talked about our future and it seems pretty positive. He is also the LEAST jealous man I have ever met.

THAT IS RIGHT - TO A CERTAIN EXTENT. MEN AREN'T USUALLY JEALOUS (WOMEN ARE JEALOUS). MEN TEND TO BE RATHER POSSESSIVE. WITNESSING TO SEEING SOMEONE ELSE TOUCH HIS OWN "PROPERTY", THAT IS YOU, WHY WOULDN'T HE REACT PROPERLY? HIS REACTION WAS TOO WEAK, TOO VAGUE, IN MY OPINION.

However, at one point that night, he did say, "What are you doing to my gf"? It sounded a little like, "uh ok thats enough". Ok and next, I see nothing wrong with a straight male having a gay friend.

I STILL CONSIDER THIS TO BE A VERY UNUSUAL ASSOCIATION. BUT WELL, YES, SINCE GEORGE IS A MASCULINE MAN, DESPITE BEING GAY, THE ASSOCIATION IS PLAUSIBLE, THOUGH STILL SOMEWHAT SHAKY.

They have a lot in common, except for their sexual preference of course. George also has a ton of other straight male friends. He is a very manly gay man and he hates overly gay men.

AND DO YOU THINK THIS MAN IS REALLY FUN AND AMUSING? WHY SHOULD HE HATE HIS "BRETHREN"? IS HE INTO HOMOPHOBIA? HOW CAN A PERSON BE FUNNY AND AMUSING IF THEY HAVE SUCH STRONG FEELINGS? I THOUGHT GAY PEOPLE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE OPEN-MINDED, BUT I MAY BE WRONG. ANYWAY, I WOULDN'T FEEL VERY SAFE WITH SOMEONE WHO HATES A CERTAIN CLASS OF PEOPLE.

Also, my bf wasnt laughing at his gayness, he was laughing at his crazy behavior. He was doing weird stuff to everyone that night and he was in a costume that may have made him more adventurous. Everyone was laughing at him, it wasnt just my bf. Also, I think my bf didnt haul off and smack him bc they are really good friends and he doesnt want to ruin that. But I do agree with the fact that I may just feel a little unprotected by my bf. I maybe wanted him to be a man and say, "Gay or not, no one touches my gf but me", but hes too laid back.

YES, THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT, TOO. I THINK YOUR BOY-FRIEND FOUND HIMSELF TO BE AT A CROSSROADS. HE HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU AND GEORGE. BUT HE DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE HIS PICK, BECAUSE SOMEONE WOULD BE HURT, SO HE SIMPLY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. BUT THAT'S WHERE HE MADE A MISTAKE, IN MY OPINION. HE CAME ACROSS AS A HESITANT PERSON AND HE DISAPPOINTED YOU, BECAUSE YOU HAD ALL THE REASON IN THE WORLD TO THINK THAT HE WOULD CHOOSE YOU OVER GEORGE.

Hmm, I am also really bad at confrontation and besides the boob grabbing, George is a really fun and interesting person. How should I go about resolving this?

I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD ALLOW THIS ANY MORE. JUST SAY STOP IT. BUT I ALSO THINK THAT YOU MUST TALK ABOUT THIS WITH YOUR BOY-FRIEND. WHERE DOES HE STAND AFTER ALL? AS FOR GEORGE, I DON'T KNOW. I WONDER IF HE HATES WOMEN, TOO, OR AT LEAST IF HE IS USED TO DISRESPECT THEM IN PUBLIC USING HIS HUMOUR AS A SHIELD.
JC

Last edited by brazilman; 10-31-2006 at 11:41 AM.

 
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