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Old 11-01-2006, 02:23 PM   #1
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My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

We can't stop fighting we hit each other and verbally abuse each other. Half the time I start it and half the time he starts it. We have already seen different therapists. I dont know what to do. Can anyone please help me?

 
Old 11-01-2006, 02:25 PM   #2
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

well I would say you need to get that under control before you even THINK about getting married....
what do the therapists you've seen suggest?

 
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Old 11-01-2006, 02:30 PM   #3
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

The therapists say we should see each other less and try to make friends with people but it's hard cause we both have an anxiety disorder.

 
Old 11-01-2006, 02:36 PM   #4
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

so what happens when you try and see each other less?

 
Old 11-01-2006, 02:52 PM   #5
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

sorry for double posting but I am so confused and don't know what to do weather we need a break or what? we see each other every single day and it might be to much if we did decide to take a break I would want to know we both would be emotionally and physically safe. That's what would hold me back because I don't know if he would be ok if we did take a break from each other. Maybe it's what we need to make things better. It's been two years and we have seen each other every day since. We are emotionally and physically attached and I feel sometimes that it is an unhealthy relationship. I don't know what to do anymore it bothers me every day. Please somebody help me figure out what I should do?

 
Old 11-01-2006, 02:55 PM   #6
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jewel22
I would want to know we both would be emotionally and physically safe. That's what would hold me back because I don't know if he would be ok if we did take a break from each other.
what specifically are you worried about? why wouldn't either of you be physically or emotionally safe if you skipped a day or two of seeing each other?

 
Old 11-01-2006, 02:55 PM   #7
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz
so what happens when you try and see each other less?
We try but we can't it's just hard. We feel like we are conjoined twins.

 
Old 11-01-2006, 02:56 PM   #8
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jewel22
We try but we can't it's just hard. We feel like we are conjoined twins.
well even conjoined twins long for the day they can be seperated an independent from each other........
what you're describing is not healthy in the least.............

 
Old 11-01-2006, 02:58 PM   #9
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz
what specifically are you worried about? why wouldn't either of you be physically or emotionally safe if you skipped a day or two of seeing each other?
cause he says he can't live without me I'm afraid he would hurt himself or even comit suicide if we took a break i don't know what to do i'm scared. Please help

 
Old 11-01-2006, 02:59 PM   #10
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

I think you need to continue therapy and probably go to separate sessions to treat your anxiety disorder. If that doesn't seem to be helping, try another therapist. You know there are good ones and bad ones out there, so sometimes it takes some searching. Are you on any meds for your anxiety? That also may help you as well.

I agree that your relationship is unhealthy. You should have other things that you enjoy doing besides spending time with your partner.

You aren't going to get any help with this stuff unless YOU TAKE THE INTIATIVE AND HELP YOURSELF. That means, get treated for your anxiety and then take steps to improve your life so you can be in a relationship. He needs to do the same -- and you can't make him change. So, if you want to improve your life and he doesn't, you may just have to leave him behind and seek out a new life for yourself.

This won't go away on its own.

 
Old 11-01-2006, 03:03 PM   #11
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jewel22
cause he says he can't live without me I'm afraid he would hurt himself or even comit suicide if we took a break i don't know what to do i'm scared. Please help

if he is that mentally unstable that he would kill himself if you skipped a day or 2 of seeing each other, he's probably not someone you should marry. I think you're overdramatizing the situation.....you really think he can't live without you? I'm sorry but you shouldn't flatter yourself like that......It's a nice sentiment to say to someone when you're feeling romantic, but if you think that it's really true, you both have some serious issues. Why would he hurt himself or kill himself if you just said, hey lets not see each other tonight, I want to go shopping or something like that?

 
Old 11-01-2006, 03:03 PM   #12
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz
well even conjoined twins long for the day they can be seperated an independent from each other........
what you're describing is not healthy in the least.............
I don't think it's healthy either. I cry alot cause of all the pysical and verbal abuse I don't know how much more I can take.

 
Old 11-01-2006, 03:06 PM   #13
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

if he's verbally abusive, you need to seperate yourself from him......
verbal abuse is just a stones throw away from physical abuse......
it sounds like you feel sorry for him and that's why you stay with him.....trust me, I've been there.....that's not a reason to stay with someone.
you need to take a step back and re-evaluate this relationship......the more you say, the more sure I am that YOU are in danger by staying with him......I wouldn't worry about him killing himself, I'd worry about the damage he's doing to you!


wait did you say he's physically abusing you? you need to leave him, what are you waiting for?

Last edited by rosequartz; 11-01-2006 at 03:07 PM.

 
Old 11-01-2006, 03:07 PM   #14
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz
if he is that mentally unstable that he would kill himself if you skipped a day or 2 of seeing each other, he's probably not someone you should marry. I think you're overdramatizing the situation.....you really think he can't live without you? I'm sorry but you shouldn't flatter yourself like that......It's a nice sentiment to say to someone when you're feeling romantic, but if you think that it's really true, you both have some serious issues. Why would he hurt himself or kill himself if you just said, hey lets not see each other tonight, I want to go shopping or something like that?
We hate each others familys too. Thats not healthy at all. That bothers me every day all the time we have a very unhealthy relationship.

 
Old 11-01-2006, 03:09 PM   #15
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Re: My fiance' and I can't stop fighting...help please

well you're the only one who can do anything about it.......cut your losses NOW before you get too deep.....
you can still walk away without too much trouble (lawyers, divorce, child custody, etc.....)
please, please please, get away from him. He has serious issues, that are NOT your problem.....don't let him ruin your life.

 
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