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Old 11-01-2006, 08:53 PM   #1
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soulster HB User
Argument with husband?

Me and my husband have been trying to have a baby for quite some time. Around mid october I told him that I would be ovulating on the 29th... and he was not in the mood on the 28th or 29th, the two days I calculated I would be most fertile, ovulation time. Anyway, so that made me mad. I am 33 and he is 36 and we are not so young for him to not be in the mood. I dont know, am I being unfair. He got equally mad at me and told me I am trying to force him into having sex when he doesnt want it.

Last edited by soulster; 11-01-2006 at 08:56 PM.

 
Old 11-01-2006, 09:20 PM   #2
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Kraskwhoor HB User
Re: Argument with husband?

As bad as this may sound I think you may need to talk to him about how interested he really is in having a baby. Perhaps he has changed his mind. Hopefully that is not the case and he was just not in the mood, but seems rather odd for him to refuse to have sex with you when you are ovulating if he really wants to become a dad.

 
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Old 11-01-2006, 10:09 PM   #3
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Re: Argument with husband?

No, he really wants to be a dad, he loves kids. I know this to be completely true. But he is working long hours, and I guess he just was tired, but why did he have to pick the days around when he knew I would be ovulating? then he tells me I am forcing him to have sex? I think he is being selfish, and he thinks I am.

 
Old 11-02-2006, 01:28 AM   #4
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brazilman HB User
Re: Argument with husband?

Quote:
Originally Posted by soulster
Me and my husband have been trying to have a baby for quite some time. Around mid october I told him that I would be ovulating on the 29th... and he was not in the mood on the 28th or 29th, the two days I calculated I would be most fertile, ovulation time. Anyway, so that made me mad. I am 33 and he is 36 and we are not so young for him to not be in the mood. I dont know, am I being unfair. He got equally mad at me and told me I am trying to force him into having sex when he doesnt want it.
Soulster:

Your being 33 and your husband being 36 makes this the ideal period of your life to become parents - not too young, not too old. But I don't think you have to hurry. There is still some tolerance for both of you (my first kid was born when I was 45!), and you shouldn't make this conception into a duty, let alone into a battle. If a (young) man is eating well, sleeping well, earning well, in one word, healthy and not stressed, I think he will always be in the mood. So something must have happened to him so he didn't feel to be in the mood. Don't be angry with him, because if he had complied, he might have failed, if you see what I mean. And his failure would have added to your frustration. Ok, he knew about your date, so he should have prepared himself in advance, but maybe he simply forgot about it (men forget things easily, you know). I am not excusing him, but just trying to understand what happened...

Maybe you shouldn't be having sex only with this kid in mind. This makes sex a little bit too mechanical. You must not forget about foreplay and pleasure as a whole objective.

Angry words were apparently said from both sides. Angry words reverberate longer and are a heavy toll on the couple's life. I hope both of you can say you are sorry for what was said and next time around will not choose to say angry words. It is always safer to make questions rather than an accusation.

Best to you.

JC

 
Old 11-02-2006, 08:59 AM   #5
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dewdrop333 HB User
Re: Argument with husband?

Alot of men when trying to conceive would rather not know the .. uh .. details .. rather than telling him you are ovulating .. just .. initate ...

This is just what I understand from the TTC boards .. maybe you should check them out ... the ladies there are very helpful.
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Old 11-02-2006, 05:07 PM   #6
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happymom28 HB User
Re: Argument with husband?

Exactly, don't share all the details of your cycle with him. Just take another approach. You already know your ovulation days in advance. Why not plan some romantic evenings (or afternoons or mornings depending on your schedules). Don't just make it about the act itself. Make it more about being close with eachother, I'm sure you get the idea.

 
Old 11-03-2006, 01:47 PM   #7
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Argument with husband?

I agree with Dewdrop. I think your hubby was simply turned off because it just seemed like a "job" he has to perform. I can't blame him, to be honest. I agree about keeping the details about your ovulation dates to yourself. Don't take the fun and romance out of the process of making this baby

 
Old 11-04-2006, 09:07 AM   #8
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soulster HB User
Re: Argument with husband?

I understand now... but the thing was I was all peppy and singing to him a romantic love song- not all romantically, but in a fun loving way... and he later told me that was all an act to get him into bed and have sex since I thought I was ovulating! I was soooo hurt by it. I guess, next time I will leave out the ovulating part so he doesnt think I am using him or forcing him or whatever- I just thought that it would make it more exciting since we could possiblely conceive.

Last edited by soulster; 11-04-2006 at 09:09 AM.

 
Old 11-04-2006, 09:47 AM   #9
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brazilman HB User
Re: Argument with husband?

Quote:
Originally Posted by soulster
I understand now... but the thing was I was all peppy and singing to him a romantic love song- not all romantically, but in a fun loving way... and he later told me that was all an act to get him into bed and have sex since I thought I was ovulating! I was soooo hurt by it. I guess, next time I will leave out the ovulating part so he doesnt think I am using him or forcing him or whatever- I just thought that it would make it more exciting since we could possiblely conceive.
Gee, I don't think you are wrong: for a man to know that he is fertile and can make a woman pregnant is highly erotic, in my opinion. Just the thought of it ... well, let it be. I am maybe a little bit too old for that. And it also helps to think that he can generate healthy children. This is empowering.

But the true story is that a man usually doesn't like to feel, either, as if he were being used for an end and then be put aside. I know you were not going to do that, but he may well have thought you were.

JC

 
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