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Old 11-29-2006, 05:22 PM   #1
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One night stands

I'm sure the majority of people have had at least one...right? : /

I made the mistake of having one the other weekend. Although, I can't exactly call it a one night stand because me and the guy have still kept in touch and plan on going out this weekend.

I'm just concerned that he views me as just a 'booty call'. I really can't blame him..I had a bit too much to drink and of course I regret it. I'm wondering if it's possible to have a serious relationship with a one night stand? I would have no problem getting serious with him, but I just don't know if it's possible for a man to respect a woman who does that. Opinions? Has anyone ever successfully ended up dating a one night stand?

 
Old 11-29-2006, 05:52 PM   #2
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Re: One night stands

Ive wondered this before as well. I think it just depends on the person, but overall Id say typically it doesnt turn into something. Not at least in my experiences anyway. By chance, Ive never slept with a person just once- if anything i'll see them again and 'date' for a bit, but what happens is that I always wonder 'can this be something?' and if I would stop wondering that and look at things objectively, I would realize that I was just a piece of a** to him. Unfortunately!
Ive had guys do what they think I would want them to do after a 1-night stand, i.e., take me out, promise to call, but in the end I realize they are just doing that and its not sincere. I know what its like to drink a little too much and be REALLY attracted to someone, but Ive gotten to the point where I want someone to really know me for me. But, in your case, I would be careful. Already you're worried about what he thinks about you, if this could ever turn into anything more...and although those insecurities are normal (I've felt them all before), I wouldnt put too much emphasis on what happened. Wait for him to really show you that he wants you for more than that. And- my suggestion: dont sleep with him next time, and then see if he calls you again. If not, then you'll know.

Last edited by lady346; 11-29-2006 at 05:55 PM.

 
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Old 11-29-2006, 11:24 PM   #3
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Re: One night stands

All I can say is I ended up marrying what I thought was a one night stand. He wouldn't take goodbye for an answer

 
Old 11-30-2006, 09:23 AM   #4
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Re: One night stands

I think it's possible but very rare. I think the guy would have to be so smitten with you that he just knows in his gut that you're "the one" pretty much right from the getgo in order for it to work. Does that sound like your guy? In other instances, I think most men take about 15 minutes to put women into two catagories: "relationship potential" and "just free booty." Once they decide which one you are, it's almost impossible to change their mind about you.

 
Old 11-30-2006, 10:19 AM   #5
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Re: One night stands

But can you really close yourself off to someone that fast and absolutely not be willing to see something else in them? I donít know, Iím not a man, but Iíd definitely be open to whatever unfolded. I wouldnít hold it against him that we jumped into things way too fast but maybe Iím wrong. Maybe Iím too casual about these things. If something had begun to spark between us, I would hate to think heíd write me off because of that night.

 
Old 11-30-2006, 12:27 PM   #6
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Re: One night stands

I have never had a one night stand, I have been with one guy and he and I were dating and now married so I can't say from my own experience.

But I knew of someone who had a one night stand...then about 3 weeks later still couldn't stop thinking about her and fell heed over heels in love with her. She finally realize it and they dated for about 2-3 years broke up, got back together a year later and now have been together for a year...who knows what will come of it, but they have a beautiful little girl to show for it.

Don't go into it thinking something will come of it, just have fun and enjoy yourself

 
Old 11-30-2006, 03:19 PM   #7
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Re: One night stands

Quote:
Originally Posted by jessica129
But can you really close yourself off to someone that fast and absolutely not be willing to see something else in them? I donít know, Iím not a man, but Iíd definitely be open to whatever unfolded. I wouldnít hold it against him that we jumped into things way too fast but maybe Iím wrong. Maybe Iím too casual about these things. If something had begun to spark between us, I would hate to think heíd write me off because of that night.
Well, it all depends, but I do agree with Unsure. DOn't go into it hoping something will come of it. If you're going to have a one-night-stand, which I actually don't recommend, but if you do, just enjoy the moment and don't expect anything else to come from it. It's not a way of making sure something lasting forms. I knew a guy who would sleep with women and then turn his nose up and say "well, she was ok, but she was kind of skanky, she let me take her to bed on the first date, definitely NOT girlfriend material." But when the love of his life came along, he met her through a friend, she came over to his house to watch a football game with the friend, and they were in bed, leaving the friend alone in the living room, before the game was over, and they lasted for about 2 years before he messed it up by playing around with other women.I think if something is going to grow, it will grow. If you're the kind of girl who doesn't have a problem sleeping with men right away, that's ok, do what makes you happy. There are men out there who will hold it against you, but others out there who won't. Seek out those who won't hold it against you, and have fun, and whatever happens, happens. No sense in worrying about "oh, what will he think of me now, will it lead to something or not??" If it does, great, if it doesn't, no worries, move onto the next guy.

 
Old 11-30-2006, 07:00 PM   #8
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Re: One night stands

Yeah... I would say it really depends on guy's interest level. Having sex with you does not necessarily mean anything... most guys can have sex without any type of emotional commitment.

However... if a guy likes you, its not a good I idea to sleep with him early on. The main reason is because he will assume you are just as easy with other guys. Speaking for myself I would not be comfortable in a relationship with a girl that is 'EASY' because I would feel she is more likely to cheat and sleep around while we are together.

If you really like this guy, I think your best bet is to let him know that you NEVER sleep around and that he was the first person you EVER had sex with outside of a relationship. But at the same time.. you should make sure you don't put any pressure on him to start a relationship. The goal is to convince him that you're not a ****. After that, just wait and see what he does. If this guy liked you before he had sex with you, he'll be releaved to learn you don't sleep around with just ANYONE. If he blows you off, he probably never liked you and just wanted sex. Hope that helps...

 
Old 11-30-2006, 07:50 PM   #9
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Re: One night stands

I get a bit ****** off listening to this type of talk, to be honest.

"The goal is to convince him that you're not a ****."

Is it really??? - If he slept with you first night out hon, and that makes YOU a ****, then he'd better start going to confession himself - end of story.

Should you feel the need to convince a man you've had a one night stand with that you dont sleep around?! You must be joking??!! He was there too, wasnt he?? Is he going to make efforts to convince you he dosent sleep around??

Any bulls**t of that type from him and I wouldnt be long telling him to f***o*f with himself and his misplaced morals!! I wouldnt be long telling him to apply them to himself and see how they fit!! (which wouldnt be well, by the sounds of it)...

Last edited by Laylah; 11-30-2006 at 07:52 PM.

 
Old 12-01-2006, 12:21 AM   #10
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Re: One night stands

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laylah
I get a bit ****** off listening to this type of talk, to be honest.

"The goal is to convince him that you're not a ****."

Is it really??? - If he slept with you first night out hon, and that makes YOU a ****, then he'd better start going to confession himself - end of story.

Should you feel the need to convince a man you've had a one night stand with that you dont sleep around?! You must be joking??!! He was there too, wasnt he?? Is he going to make efforts to convince you he dosent sleep around??

Any bulls**t of that type from him and I wouldnt be long telling him to f***o*f with himself and his misplaced morals!! I wouldnt be long telling him to apply them to himself and see how they fit!! (which wouldnt be well, by the sounds of it)...

You're right... he was there too. But she likes him anyway, so his behavior is not the issue here. Unfortunately, there is kind of a double standard. Most men don't like women that act like men.

 
Old 12-01-2006, 01:18 AM   #11
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Re: One night stands

I'm acting like a man because I like sex? Argh, the sad thing is, I know you're right. I hate the double standards but what can you do. I'm not going to change myself just because that makes me 'not good enough' for some guy that does the same thing.

 
Old 12-01-2006, 09:22 AM   #12
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Re: One night stands

Quote:
Originally Posted by jessica129
I'm acting like a man because I like sex? Argh, the sad thing is, I know you're right. I hate the double standards but what can you do. I'm not going to change myself just because that makes me 'not good enough' for some guy that does the same thing.
That's the toughest thing about being a woman these days. Unfortunately, most men think like Mike here does. I'd say you're right, no, you shouldn't change yourself to be considered "good enough" for any guy, but if you are going to have one-night-stands, then the only advice I could give would be to toughen up. Make sure you don't want anything more from the guy than sex for that night, and that you'll be totally fine and ok if the guy gets out of bed and says "thanks babe, that was great" and never wants to call or see you again. Emotions can't be a part of it if you're going to go that way. You'll only end up really hurt if you let your emotions or your heart get involved. And yes, in many circles, that's considered "loving/having sex like a man." Men find it very easy to have sex with women without any love or emotions or feelings involved. Men can have sex with women they don't even like and don't even want to be around at all outside the bedroom. You have to learn to be like this too if you're going to have one-night-stands, otherwise, your heart will get kicked around. I don't mean to sound harsh, but just imagine, making love with some guy and you start to feel something, thinking he's pretty cool and you'd like to see him again, and he doesn't want to see you ever again. That can really play havoc with your heart and your self esteem. Lots of women right here on these boards can tell you stories of having one-night-stands or friends with benefits and ended up developing feelings and got their hearts schmooshed time and again. The only way to not get put through the ringer is to either not feel any emotion or don't do it. Wait for a nice guy who you care about and who cares about you.

 
Old 12-01-2006, 10:11 AM   #13
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Re: One night stands

Just wanted to put my input in, lol. I'm marrying what I thought was a one night stand in 30 days.

 
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