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Old 12-11-2006, 11:27 AM   #1
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sweet_chic HB User
Unhappy Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

I really need some advice from some guys, or even some girls who have had some experience with "shy" guys because I'm just about ready to throw in the towel. See, there's this guy that I like...we're sort of like friends, but not so "close" that we're in the "friend zone". He's a little on the quiet/reserved side, but he can loosen up and be quite funny and somewhat outgoing when the situation presents itself. He's just not a loud, in-your-face type of guy.

Anyway, I've just been noticing for the past few months that he gets really weird and shy around me sometimes! Like, for example if I come up to talk with him, or if we're in a group, he'll avoid eye contact with me! Almost like he's deliberately trying NOT to look @ me. I'm like: "ummm...okay...what's up with that?" I know I haven't said or done anything to offend him, and I'm a nice person, so I don't think he would be mad at me for any reason. But then, at OTHER times, he can be real talkative/friendly, and he can look me in the eyes for a short period of time. It's very strange. He's hot and cold. One minute he'll be acting nice and will even compliment me, but other times he'll act really aloof. Or, if we go to the movies with some friends, and if we sit together, he'll be so stiff and nervous! It's really frustrating me because I don't "bite", and I would like to get to know him better on a more-than-friends level, but I get the impression that he's just not interested in me. His behavior is really wishy washy. He can be so easy-going and talkative with other girls, but around me he sometimes turns mute! Yet, we can chat online, txt message, or through e-mail without any problem.

So, I have a few questions:

-What does his behavior mean? Could he just be a moody guy with mood issues? Or is he just REALLY shy sometimes?

-Am I analyzing things too much? Or, do guys deliberately act aloof towards girls sometimes? Maybe he's trying to give me the hint that he's not interested.

-And more importantly, Should I just give up on him and assume that he's not interested and forget about him? Cuz I'm really starting to get tired of all the "wishy-washiness".

Sorry this post got so long, but I figured it would be easier if the "facts" were put out there. Thanks for ANY advice anyone can give me, because I'm really about to just forget about him.

 
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Old 12-11-2006, 11:38 AM   #2
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Laylah HB User
Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

Does he know that you're interested in him? Is there anyone who knows that who might have told him? You see, the way I'm looking at it, if he KNOWS you like him his behaviour could mean one of two things: Either he likes you back and is bloody mortified as to what to do about it as he is very shy OR he's not into you at all and dosent know how to behave around you because of it.

If there's nobody who could have tipped him off that you like him I'd guess he fancies you but is very shy and dosesnt know where to look when you're around. If this is the case and nobody could have told him you like him, why not try telling him yourself?!

 
Old 12-11-2006, 11:47 AM   #3
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whackedback HB Userwhackedback HB Userwhackedback HB User
Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

sweet chic-

If he's not looking at your eyes, where is he looking at?

I'm guessing he's really shy and probably interested, or he'd look at you like a normal friend.

wb

Last edited by whackedback; 12-11-2006 at 11:48 AM.

 
Old 12-11-2006, 12:37 PM   #4
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Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

Hmmm...very interesting!

Well, the only people who know that I like him are my sister, and my sister's boyfriend. I know my sister wouldn't tell a soul, and even though the 4 of us hang out together sometimes, I don't think my sister's bf would tell him something like that! I've told him numerous times not to tell him that I like him, and he has sworn every time that he would never put me out there like that if I wasn't ready for him to know.

I suppose I could put myself out there and tell him how I feel, but at this point I wouldn't even feel comfortable doing that because of the "mixed signals" he seems to be giving me. I don't know where he stands, so I don't want to get hurt if he doesn't feel the same way. Plus, even though I like him, I'm not in his face 24/7. I'm not one of those overtly flirtatious girls who follow a guy around like a sick puppy dog. I smile, and laugh at his jokes, but I'm not in his face all the time. He has a lot of "gal-pals", so he's used to a lot of girl attention, and he seems at ease with them, so what is so different about me? He's even at ease with my sisters, and can look at them and chat with them easily. But with me...he seems to have a hard time. It's driving me nuts. It makes me think that there is something wrong with me...


Quote:
Originally Posted by whackedback
sweet chic-

If he's not looking at your eyes, where is he looking at?

I'm guessing he's really shy and probably interested, or he'd look at you like a normal friend.

wb
He usually just looks away, or averts his eyes. It really depends, because sometimes if we're alone or in a very small group he won't have any trouble looking me in the eye (albeit for a short period of time), but if we're in a big group together, he'll have a very hard time! I'm starting to think that he may be interested and just shy about it since if I'm just a "friend" why can't he look @ me normally?
But on the other hand, I'm thinking that I'm crazy for thinking that he could be interested in me, because if he were he would have initiated something or shown more signs by now...

I don't know...

Last edited by sweet_chic; 02-15-2007 at 09:09 AM.

 
Old 12-11-2006, 04:20 PM   #5
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Laylah HB User
Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

"sometimes if we're alone or in a very small group he won't have any trouble looking me in the eye (albeit for a short period of time), but if we're in a big group together, he'll have a very hard time!"

I would take this as a behavioral clue. Try to think back to the times when he had trouble looking you in the eye while in a larger group. Was there a particular friend of his who was present at all those times? If so, that could be someone he has mentioned he liked you to, thus making it difficult for him to interact with you comfortably while under their watchful eye; just a thought..

Anyway, he is being awrkward around you for a reason and I think it's far more likely to be cause he likes you rather than cause he dosent. I think you should just casually ask him does he want to go for a drink or coffee or something sometime and watch his reaction. The poor guy sounds like he's just very shy. I dont know about you, but I find that very endearing.

 
Old 12-12-2006, 06:17 AM   #6
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sweet_chic HB User
Thumbs up Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laylah
I would take this as a behavioral clue. Try to think back to the times when he had trouble looking you in the eye while in a larger group. Was there a particular friend of his who was present at all those times? If so, that could be someone he has mentioned he liked you to, thus making it difficult for him to interact with you comfortably while under their watchful eye; just a thought..
Hmmm...no not really. He has a hard time really looking my way no matter who else is around! lol* If we're talking one on one alone however, he isn't as shy. But if we're in a group he usually purposely avoids my eye contact. I avoid his also, but not because I don't like him. I think I'm better than he is however in the eye-contact department.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laylah
Anyway, he is being awrkward around you for a reason and I think it's far more likely to be cause he likes you rather than cause he dosent. I think you should just casually ask him does he want to go for a drink or coffee or something sometime and watch his reaction. The poor guy sounds like he's just very shy. I dont know about you, but I find that very endearing.
Hmm...interesting deduction Laylah! I don't know how likely it is that he likes me, but it would be good to know if guys act a certain way around a girl they like vs. a girl they DON'T like.

So, I guess the question I would like to pose to the guys is:

-Guys, if you are NOT attracted to a girl/friend, do you act really aloof around her? For example, if you're not interested in a particular girl who is a friend, but you sense that the girl may be interested in you, and she is cool to be around, do you deliberately avoid her eye contact when you're around her? Or, would you not have a problem with eye contact at all since you know you're not attracted to her?

I've always wondered that! Any feedback would be great, because depending on how most guys answer, I'm debating whether or not I should call him out on his "behavior" or if I should just act like I don't know what's going on....

 
Old 12-12-2006, 06:25 AM   #7
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Laylah HB User
Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

Well, I know I'm not a guy, but from my personal perspective, if we're talking about someone I'm definatly NOT interested in (which would be about 95% of the men I meet!) I'm not rude to them, dont act 'off' with them, or behave in any way that they would be likely to interpret as different or strange. Think about it; do you act wierd around people you arent interested in? I doubt it. If you're anything like me you just treat them for what they are - regular people who dont interest you much either way.

Then again, this is coming from a woman, and 'men are from mars' or so I'm reading at the moment! I think a good suggestion might be to start a new thread and title it 'question for the guys' or something like that. It might be likely to get you some more male perspective. Good luck with it anyway hon.

 
Old 12-13-2006, 01:13 AM   #8
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Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

You know what I'm a guy and I would probably say I'm very shy around girls who I have a crush on. I'm not sure what it is but I tend to look away at an attractive girl. It's just a habit I guess, I mean if you are in love with someone you tend to find it a bit difficult to keep eye contact. I'm like this alot. I get the butterflys around a beautiful looking girl all the time. I just give them a glance but can never stare too long. I stumble when I talk and blush. lol...

 
Old 12-13-2006, 08:16 AM   #9
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sweet_chic HB User
Unhappy Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lamal3
You know what I'm a guy and I would probably say I'm very shy around girls who I have a crush on. I'm not sure what it is but I tend to look away at an attractive girl. It's just a habit I guess, I mean if you are in love with someone you tend to find it a bit difficult to keep eye contact. I'm like this alot. I get the butterflys around a beautiful looking girl all the time. I just give them a glance but can never stare too long. I stumble when I talk and blush. lol...
Thanks for your input! I need more guy input! Because at this point, I'm really starting to question whether or not he really even likes me as a person. He acts so aloof sometimes! I'm really thinking about giving up. I don't think he's giving me any signs that he's interested.

I mean, on one hand I know that guys don't like to do ALLL the work. I agree, that women should do some work and give the guy the "okay" to pursue them. But on the same token, the guy has to do SOMETHING too! I mean, come on! So, if he's not making any advances, I'm just going to assume that he's not interested.

 
Old 12-13-2006, 03:03 PM   #10
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Dan.FIFA HB User
Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

No no don;t do that. He may like you.
Well if I know a girl likes me and I'm not attracted to her then I'll just mind my own business. I'm definitely NOT going to act weird around them or be nervous. But if she really shows that she likes me and always looks at me and its extremely obvious, then I will avoid eye contact, so I don't lead her on. I might get a little "annoyed".
The thing that "solved" the case for me was that he chats with you online regularly. And so this means he's just shy, or else if he didn't like you and he knew you liked him he'd avoid you somewhat (its what I would do). When you guys chat, does he put any smiley faces or any expression? If he does then he sure likes you.
And if I like a girl of course I avoid her eyes but not all the time! If he sits stiff next to you at the movies then he likes you. If he didnt like you he wouldnt worry about how he'd look.
So my advice is, as the person before said, ask him to coffe or something one day.
But definitely dont assume he doesnt like you!
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Old 12-14-2006, 04:08 AM   #11
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Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

if u ask me hes oveously interested maybe hes really nevous and thats why he only looks at u in small groups cos hes to nevous to look at u in big groups cos ppl look at him in big groups well

cya-from cas

 
Old 12-15-2006, 06:14 AM   #12
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sweet_chic HB User
Talking Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dan.FIFA
No no don;t do that. He may like you.
Well if I know a girl likes me and I'm not attracted to her then I'll just mind my own business. I'm definitely NOT going to act weird around them or be nervous. But if she really shows that she likes me and always looks at me and its extremely obvious, then I will avoid eye contact, so I don't lead her on. I might get a little "annoyed".
The thing that "solved" the case for me was that he chats with you online regularly. And so this means he's just shy, or else if he didn't like you and he knew you liked him he'd avoid you somewhat (its what I would do). When you guys chat, does he put any smiley faces or any expression? If he does then he sure likes you.
And if I like a girl of course I avoid her eyes but not all the time! If he sits stiff next to you at the movies then he likes you. If he didnt like you he wouldnt worry about how he'd look.
So my advice is, as the person before said, ask him to coffe or something one day.
But definitely dont assume he doesnt like you!


So, I shouldn't assume that he doesn't like me? Okay...so now at what point would it be safe to assume that he isn't interested/doesn't like me? Because as I mentioned earlier in some of my previous posts, his behavior/actions don't exactly scream (at least in my opinion) "I LIKE YOU!" Haha...in fact, to the naked eye, they seem to hint disinterest. But it's true...things aren't adding up. If I'm not a threat to him, then why would he be treating me differently than any other girl?

So, from now on I will make more forward advances towards him and show him that he could attain me if he only tried to pursue. BUT...at what point should I just give up? What signs should I look for that he's really not interested? In other words, how can I decipher between avoiding eye-contact = attraction vs. avoiding eye-contact = extreme disinterest?

 
Old 12-15-2006, 03:56 PM   #13
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Dan.FIFA HB User
Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

Listen, you were just about to give up so I say you tell him you like him (you can think of how ) and if he says no then you tried....if yes then there you go.
And if he says no, you don;t seem to be very close friends with him now anyways so, no problem.
If you REALLy like him, dont think about when to give up!
__________________
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Old 12-17-2006, 04:51 PM   #14
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sweet_chic HB User
Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

Thanks for the input guys! I've been making more "obvious" signs lately to show that I like him, and I think he is warming up a little more.

I'm still treading slowly however because he's younger than me. Maybe that's another reason why I'm hesitant...or he's hesitant. I don't know how most guys feel about older young women... :-/

I'm not sure if me just outright telling him that I like him is a wise idea. As I mentioned, I'm older than him and I don't want to scare him away. But we get along fine, and right now he doesn't seem to mind being friends. I'm not sure if there could be something more in the future, but his actions/behavior tells me that he COULD possibly be interested.

 
Old 03-05-2007, 07:41 AM   #15
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sweet_chic HB User
Re: Avoiding eye-contact...guys please help...what does this mean?

Update:

I don't think he's interested, and I'm tired of trying to look for "signs" that he is interested. All I know is that he is very cool, calm, and even a little "flirty" with his girl "friends", but that he gets kind of uneasy/quiet around me....especially if we're alone or in a BIG group.

So, I'm just going to assume that this guy isn't interested.

 
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