I have a potential conflict in my marriage I would like some opinions on.
A few of my 64 year old husband's friends have recently learned of a group of senior men in the New England states who produced a calender featuring themselves in the nude for the purpose of raising funds for community projects and other charitable causes. These were business men and respected people in their small community. Their calender got widespread attention including mention on The Today Show, The Tonight Show and other media. They got volumes of email and fan mail from various organizations including The Red Hat Society. They held calender signing events at local merchants and even have a website devoted to their calender. Their website has many photos of things that were done to promote the calender and it is obvious it was a community affair. The photos include families, children, etc. (not at the photo shoot, of course) The calender photos are in good taste in the opinion of most people, apparently, with the men shown doing various activities in the buff. Each photo is arranged with specific camera angles or objects strategically placed to preserve their modesty. At least a couple of photos, one I recall of a man fishing in knee-deep water and another on a ladder doing some home repairs, shows their bare rear ends.
This group of my husband's friends have invited him to join them in doing a similar thing in our community. However, they want to make it a satire or "spoof" on pro football players as they enter the golden years. These men are all mid-60's to mid-80's, educated men and mostly carrying a few extra pounds here and there. They claim this is a key part of the success they predict since none of them look at home in a sports scenario. They have arranged to use a nearby football field and locker facility for their photo shoots. They want to include the whole "team" on the field in uniform for the cover and inside, they plan to feature the whole group in the showers (bare backsides only) and a monthly "team member", some of which will be standing in front of their locker in shoulder pads and jockstrap.
I'm not sure what to think of this since I haven't been around anything like this before. I asked two of my closest friends (conservative ladies) about this who hadn't heard about it and whose husbands aren't involved. Both of them, surprisingly, said they didn't see anything wrong with it and wouldn't mind if their husbands chose to participate in something of this nature.
I have a few questions in my mind regarding this.
Is this type thing ethically and socially appropriate? Is there anything wrong with it?
Is it feasible to allow all age groups to see it?
Would most women approve their husbands participating in something like this?
I'd like some input on this.
Personally, I'm not comfortable with him being viewed by countless women in this way, especially those in my community that I see on a regular basis. How would you react????
Last edited by suegirl321; 01-17-2007 at 07:21 AM.
Reason: not getting replies
I think something like this comes down to individual personalities.
A person has to be comfortable with themselves to even considering posing nude!!
I think it's a funny idea.. in good humor. But, a person looking through the calendar would have to share that sense of humor to enjoy it. Some people are offended by nudity no matter what context its in. Some people find fine art featuring nudes to be pornographic. I don't share their oppinion.
As far as the wife approving or not.. that again comes down to individual personality. Personally, I'd have a harder time letting my husband (don't have one yet, but do have a boyfriend!) pose nude if he was younger, and if the content of the picture was more sexual than funny. If he was an older man, I'd feel secure enough with him, that I doubt it would bother me. If he was comfortable enough with himself to do something like that... then more power to him!!
It may be a risky business opportunity. I don't know much about business, but you do have to have a target audience. I don't know how many people would continue to purchase various calendars featuring nude old men!! Personally, I wouldn't want to hang that from my bedroom wall... but thats just me, even if I do find the subject matter humerous!
I say- if they have the confidence to do this.. then go for it!
I think it sounds hilarious! Since with this type of thing nobody is being coerced, manipulated or exploited, I defiantly wouldnt have a problem with it. When I say I wouldnt have a problem with it, I mean to say I wouldnt have a problem with the concept of this calendar. Whether or not I'd want MY man featuring naked in it is another thing entirely...
You asked: "Is there anything wrong with it... Would most women approve their husbands participating in something like this?" I can understand why you'd be curious about that, but I hope you wouldnt base your decision on it. I think this is one of those things we have to work out for ourselves. It's whether YOU approve of your husband participating in this that matters. I have a feeling you may not, as you felt anxious enough about it to bring the issue here. Am I right in thinking that?
If its for a fund raiser I see nothing wrong with it as its more modest then what you see in a playboy magazine with women spreading their legs for the whole world to see.
If they were showing off who had the biggest peewee then that would be distasteful ,but just posing in funny poses with only the bum showing is viewed as more or less just cute.I wouldn't want my man posing but I see nothing wrong with it.
Yes, laylah, actually you are right. I can't imagine how it would feel going about town, social events, shopping, etc and facing women who saw him in his birthday suit. I thinking that a photo of him in a jockstrap would be even worse, for some reason: maybe I'm over-reacting.
There won't be any frontal nudity (unless wearing a supporter). It's not that kind of thing and it would definitely put an end to it. More than one of you said you wouldn't want your man doing it. Can you elaborate as to why not? Do you consider yourself jealous or possessive? Also, my husband said similar to what one of you said in that younger guys might be more sexually-oriented but with older guys, it really is just a joke because of their age, etc. Does this make sense?
I do consider myself somewhat possessive, but not beyond the bounds of what's 'normal'. I dont think most peoples natural inclination is to want their partners naked body on display for anyone who chooses to look at it. The situation that you are talking about, where there is a strong comedic element involved and it is all in the name of charity fundraising, would be more acceptable to most people than pornography I'd be willing to bet, but that dosent mean to say that you are obliged to be comfortable with it. If your gut feeling is one of discomfort then that is simply the way you feel, and I dont think you should be coerced into believing that you are being unreasonable for your own mental and emotional response to this.
You asked for an elaboration on why the women who said we wouldnt condone this in our own relationships feel this way, well here are my reasons; I love him and I dont want anybody looking at his naked body. I would be some serious degree less welcoming of the idea of him appearing in porn photos, but just because that'd bother me MORE dosent mean the situation you describe wouldnt bother me AT ALL. There are degrees of discomfort, and my man appearing naked in photos for the viewing public would bother me to some degree or other in ANY situation.
I see the point that because these are older men the comedic element is enhanced, but I really dont think thirty years from now (I'm 30, my bf is 38) I would be any more comfortable about him showing the world what only I'm supposed to see. If you take the view that this is about comedy and therefore you have no right to be opposed to it, what you are in effect doing is allowing yourself to be dictated to on the back of other peoples perceptions. In my opinion, how OTHER PEOPLE view those photos should not be a factor in deciding how YOU view them.
I can see the humor in this but I don't see how that would be "in good taste". Sounds tasteless to me and I'm certainly no prude but I'm just thinking of how outraged my very senior citizen mother would be. The fact that it's a community fund raiser is what makes me feel like it's not very tasteful. If it was just a humorous calender from spencers then no biggy. I can see the more conservatives of the community being very turned off by such a thing...well that's JMHO. And I wouldn't have any problem with my Fiance' being in a nude calendar for sale at the gag shop He's got the sexiest tush I've ever seen in my life!
My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.
Beatrade, I'm not sure what spencers is?? Also, just what would the difference be in a calender like this and one from a gag shop? Why wouldn't you care if he showed off his bottom that way? How old is he?
Spencers is a gag shop where you can buy much outlandist stuff. The calendar you are talking about has children pictures and family pictures and is for the community so I don't think nuddy pics are appropriate for such a thing...that's just my opinion though. Like for instance at Christmas I kept seeing the nude picture of "Santa" laying on his belly with a santa hat on and I thought that was nasty looking and certainly wouldn't be anything for kids to see. My fiance is in his 50s. I just wouldn't care...don't really know why I wouldn't.
My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.
i think its funny and totally appropriate...it would be different if it were a husband wanting to shoot a porno or something, but this is a gag thing and if i understand right he wouldnt even be totally nude anyway?! so whats the big deal?
I think it is funny because it's not my husband. Isn't it always easier to see the humour and fun in something when it's from the outside looking in though? I saw the movie "Calendar Girls" and thought it was cute, funny and in good taste. But if it was my grandmother or mother posing in the buff for a calendar I don't think I'd be laughing.
It's hard to balance being a good sport and not being a prude with the reality that it's YOUR husband - in the buff, for your friends, family and the whole community to see. In any case, I know that I would have a hard time with my husband posing nude for a calendar, even though in theory I can't really say there's much wrong with the idea of the calendar itself. I'm sure the calendar will be in good taste and a good bit of comedy but I'm not sure that I'd still be laughing when a female acquaintance mentioned "I never knew [fill in hubby's name] had that interesting birthmark" or "not a bad tush for an old guy", etc. Of course, if it was someone else's hubby I'd either be making the comment or laughing away at the joke (in good spirit)!
They did this same type of calendar in the town where I live, only with prominent elderly ladies of the town. The photos where taken by a great local photographer, using local areas of history is a backdrop. Of course, certain areas of the women's body were covered by props, such as road signs, flower pots, etc. They made good money with the calendar, and everyone loved it.
Last edited by desertdweller; 01-18-2007 at 01:33 PM.
I don't think there's going to be any clear-cut, black and white answer on this one.
This type of thing is going to boil down to individual personalities (insecure vs. secure; liberal and carefree vs. conservative), social circles, where you live (small conservative town vs. big city or somewhere in between), religious/spiritual beliefs, upbringing ... there's probably even more than that, but that's just off the top of my head.
I'm willing to bet you could ask 10 women your age, married as long as you have been and get 10 different answers. There's going to be a "but." "No, but..." or, Yes, but..."
Sure, there are some who wouldn't have a big problem with their spouse doing something like this, and there are some who would, but this is about you, your hubby, your relationship and how it will affect both of you. Only you know the folks in your social circles, your families, your children, the way you brought them up, the women you will see in town and the reactions you think you will get.
The thing with getting opinions from the Internet is you have folks who live the "NY City arts and leisure" lifestyle and the "small-town GA southern Baptist" lifestyle -- and, of course, folks somewhere in between. All of these things will influence opinions and advice.
Whatever you and your hubby decide, best of luck to you both.
We are in a relatively small community. Very few people know about this right now and that's why I'm turning to the internet for advice. Surely there is some ethical and social common ground in this matter, not considering specific communities, social groups or opinions of right and wrong. I'm thinking of one case in point, a neighbor that we have become close friends with over the years who has a 12 and a 16 year old daughter and if this actually happens, they will surely eventually see the finished product. Then, any time they see my husband out in the yard, etc., they will think of seeing his bare behind and all the laughs that went along with it. Is there anything wrong with this?
Also, nobody has commented on the photos they plan of some of the men wearing jockstraps. I'm having more of a problem with that than the bare hiney photos, actually. Since those things are designed to protect a man's 'goobers', it seems it will emphasize and draw attention to their male anatomies. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Does that make it more risque?
Stenolady, most of the people responding have said whether they would want their husbands to do this. What about you, would you mind on (1) the bare backside photos? (2) the jockstrap photos?
It is very possible that neighbours found his pictures on the internet and lough at him. I was openly sexually assulted at work against my will, guy was in a supervisory position and people lough at me and made it my foult.
I would very well mind bear bottom or jack strap pictures of my husband. There are other ways to help community, I don't believe it is the only one and he shouldn't do it if you don't feel comfortable about it.
I really don't think there's going to be a social "common ground" on this one. Just look back on previous threads about porn and other controversial topics. Sure, the "my guy is cheating ... what should I do?" threads all have consistent advice, but when you start discussing nudity and otherwise taboo subjects, the advice really starts to go from one end of the spectrum to the other.
And that's fine, IMO. It'd be a pretty boring world if we all had the same opinions, eh?
What would I do if my hubby were approached with something like this? I'd probably be okay with it, but -- remember the "but" I spoke of earlier?-- I would have some reservations. I live in a small, southern, rural town that's extremely religious (all of our media is owned by the Southern Baptist Coalition). I also work in the legal community where everyone knows everyone ... lots of "good ole boys" if you catch my drift. I know I'd get some grief over this, and the rumor mill would be working overtime.
But it is for a good cause. This just doesn't sound like a "bad" way to raise money and awareness for a charitable cause, IMO. If this gets a needy cause exposure and funds, I'm all for it. I've seen what you mentioned on the Today show, and I loved the movie, The Full Monty. I'm personally extremely liberal, but, especially where I live now (this is not where I was born and raised, BTW ... I'm from Philly originally) , I keep my opinions to myself. My mother was (and still is) a complete hippy and was a nudist until I was around six or seven. Being around people in the nude has never bothered me, since I was exposed to a nudist colony several times a month as I was growing up. Sure, some people associate nudity with sex, but a lot -- and I mean A LOT -- do not make this association, especially in the context of your particular topic.
So based on that (upbringing, social circles, conservative nature of the town I'm living in), I'd be okay with it, but I know I'd have some 'splaining to do! I would also keep in my mind it's not like my hubby is all by himself naked on the billboards in town. It's a calendar -- probably an expensive one, too -- with 11 other guys in it. I doubt they'd be just available on every grocery aisle checkout counter. Folks who want to buy this will probably have to seek it out, or it will brought to the attention of the public through other charitable organizations' members and donors. If I'm wrong on this, please don't hesitate to correct me.
Oh, and I don't care for the jockstrap thing. I think just a bare tush or something covering the private parts would be better. Just my opinion, tho
I truly wish you and your hubby the best with such a difficult decision. The risk of baring all -- or almost all -- when we're not hot-bod 20-somethings anymore in the name of a charity is very, very noble, and you both should be commended for even considering this.