Hi all, First of all I am sorrry for the long post, however, i feel it is necessary to explain the story in detail so you all understand the story. Advice is greatly needed and appreciated.
I posted about a month ago about the beginning troubles of my relationship with a girl. Just to rehash, we started dating in late October, when we hit it off really well. I am 22 and she is 21. At first, I was not necessarily attracted to her as most girls, but she was a friend of a friend and was laying it on me pretty thick one night so I decided to go with it. She seemed like a respectable girl, they type that I could possibly be interested in. From Oct to Dec we had the greatest time together. I really did fall for her and she claimed that she had fallen for me like she never has. The problem with this is that things happened wayy to fast. After a couple weeks she wanted me to be her boyfriend. I was reluctant to this, but I really liked her so I figured that she really liked me and we had somemthing special goin on, because I really have only felt serious about a girl like that a time or two. So I agreed to the whole "title" business. However, in early Dec. we slowed down the communication and it got quite awkward at times. We went a couple days without talking, because we are both the type when something is wrong we stay bottled up and let the other make the move. When we spoke, I brought up the fact that something is up and we need to chill and she totally agreed. We agreed to lose the title and slow things down. I was not actually happy about this but I knew it was the smart thing to do. I must admit at that time I still really cared for her and wanted things to work, but thats when I started second guessing if she still had those feelings for me.
So a month passes and we only speak a couple times here and there, because we were both on break from school and traveling to various places. I thought about her every day. I just kept thinking how perfect she seemed for me and I did not want to lose her, but I just did not know how to bring this up with her, so I decided to wait till we got back to school to try to rekindle anything. After the first week of classes she never really contacted me so I decided to drop her a message here and there. I talked to her for a while the other day and finally said lets get together during the week for lunch. She agreed which made me very happy. I was just so confused about what she was thinking about me and I was going stir crazy.
So the night before our lunch date, she texts me and asks if I was going out that night. Turns out we were going to the same bar. So I get there and immediately we are all over eachother. We talk about how much we missed each other and really go into detail about our relationship and how we felt. She told me how attracted she was to me and how we click so well, but we just jumped into things way to fast. She also said how happy she was that I contacted her, and that she was going to contact me right around the time I got a hold of her. It made me so happy that she was saying she felt the same way as me and that she missed me and compares me to other guys. I even mentioned to her that this might not work out but we will always be friends, and she seemed sad and questioned why I diddnt think it would work. I am not an advocate of sappy public affection but lets just say we both werent afraid to show it that night. It seemed like we made all kinds of plans together for the remainder of the week, and I had to ask her, are you just drunk right now or do you mean all of this? She swore up and down that she isnt one to just say things like that when she is drunk, and she diddnt seem very drunk. she seemed just like I remembered her when we were having our good times together.
So next day rolls around and she did not answer my call about lunch. So I leave a message. Two hours go by so I send her a text. Nothing. I get home and check her status on internet messenger and turns out she lost her phone last night, but someone found it so she was going to get it later. keep in mind she never tried to contact me through internet that she lost her phone or anything about lunch. This disturbed me, because when we were dating for that month she was so sweet and always got a hold of me. So I message her and she messages me back saying that she was hungover and incapable of food. I said no problem, but ill see you later because we had plans to go out and hang out with some friends later that night. So around 6pm I asked her if she was ready to go out and she said she just was not up for it and could not drink, but she said she might come up and hang out with us for a while. She never showed, and I have not heard from her since.
So, now I am left so confused and do not know what to do about the situation because I have fallen really really hard for her. Just by the way she was explaining things to me that night we hung out it made me believe it was so sincere and she meant it. That really made me fall for her all over again. It just seemed perfect. But it seems she has totally blown me off since. I have to know where this is going because I am so hurt right now I cannot think of anything else or sleep. I have thought about telling her how i feel and wanting to know if she feels the same, and tell her I need to know to let it go or if she wants to take things slow like we determined the other night. By taking things slow, i figured we would still atleast talk or she might even contact me. But it has only been two days since we last talked. I know she has quite a bit going on in her life and she has a hard time expressing herself to me. I just cant understand how a person can tell me she has never felt this way about anyone else, that we click so well, that she is very attracted to me, and just turn it off the next day.
What do I do? Do I tell her how I feel? I am really a great guy with a great future and so is she, and we really did hit it off great. I just have no idea why we arent together because things are just so perfect. How do I go about taking it slow? Do I just play it cool and not let her know how I feel and just call her once in a while to hang out and see what happens? I know we have only known each other for 3 months but I have fallen very very hard for her. I have felt this way before when my firstgirlfriend of 3 years left me for someone else. I was miserable and thats how I feel right now.
All help is appreciated very very much because I have a feeling if things dont work out for me I will be feeling down for quite some time. I dont want her to be the one that got away, because I meant it when I said I have never felt this way about a girl.
Maybe she was just really hung over and sick..and now she may be a little embarresed. I see no reason she would have to tell you all of those things and then just quit calling. She would really not have alot to gain from that behavior.Right? Hang in there its only been two days.
I can almost gurantee that she probably felt awful the next day and was too sick to go out anywhere. I have done that to myself more times than I can remember and have felt awful about breaking plans, but it is all part of being young.
Another thing that us women do after a night of drinking is put together the peices of our night and if we were intoxicated, usually feel pretty stupid about things that we have said and done. Usually, when you have a connection like that with someone - it is real. Women do not like to be the ones that are played for a fool either and we are just as scared to buy into a bunch of lines too, I think you are over reading a lot of this and just need to talk to her. I know that when I feel like I have revealed too much to someone I am interested in, I back off completely and act like I don't like the person at all - it is a pride thing, I am not saying we make sense all the time....
It's only been two days; the best thing you can do is try to relax and get on with things, as hard as that is, I know. Dont harass her with constant calls or messages, as this will just make you a sure thing in her eyes, and there's no mystery in a sure thing.
I'd be willing to bet she meant the things she said, but now it's up to her to prove it. All you can do is wait for her to do that, you cant drag it out of her, and if you try you'll just put yourself across as a less appealing option.
Good luck, I know the sort of hurt you're talking about, I feel for you, truly.
Just wanted to give an update on things, so I can get some more advice. Thanks for the previous posts by the way.
Basically we have not really communicated much for about 2 weeks. I have seen her one time at the bar a couple days ago and we basically talked for about 5 minutes and she was with one of her friends...we basically did not talk about anything, just the usual hi how are you blah blah. I actually felt a bit awkward so I ended it by saying well nice to see you and went back with all of my friends. I just kept it simple and acted like nothing was on my mind and that I was just being friendly. I noticed her friend kept looking over through out the duration of the night and when I left the crowded bar I noticed her friend watching me out of the corner of my eye. I did not say goodbye. I dont know if that really means anything I just wanted to describe the situation.
Now here is what I am projecting. Either she wants nothing to do with me and is truly avoiding me, or she simply believes that I want nothing to do with her and is embarrased to talk to me. She might think this because I mentioned to her that I diddnt think it would work out the last night we were intimate with each other. I did not really mean this. However, I suppose I wanted to see what her reaction would be. I need to know how to crack this code and figure her out. I feel like I am waiting forever for the perfect night at the bar because we usually go to the same bars in town and I feel that she would open up once again after a few drinks and actually speak her mind. I probably would too because at this point, no matter how much I actually like her, I just dont know how to bring this up with her, and I am actually considering that she is scared of the same thing. I see no reason why she would really not want to talk to me, and I feel she is doing the same thing I am.
Here is another twist to the story...another problem that I have been dealing with since the recent summer. First, I must describe myself... I am an olive skinned, 22 year old male. I am very much in shape, dark hair, green eyes, straight white teeth, and have a great smile. I have always been fixated on looks and dress well. This is the root of my problem. There really isnt a way to say this without sounding conceited, however, I am going by what I am commonly told, and I have never really had a problem attracting women. I am actually sexually involved with a great looking 23 year old woman at this time, but have no interest in her for anything more than that...but finally, here is my problem: I believe that I have pre-rosacea, or a problem with blushing, and a permanent red tint across my cheeks. If you know anything about the condition, you would know that the condition has triggers, and worsens when these triggers hit...I have tamed this to not look so abnormal with make up and treatments, however, at times it is impossible to hide. I have always had red cheeks, but just really noticed about a year ago, and it seems to have been controlling my life and activities, and practically dropping my confidence dramatically, even though I have been sexually involved with about 10 decent-great looking women through out my life. But now I am always wondering when i am talking to someone what the color of my face is. I have just become so fixated on looks, and I feel that is hurting me.
Every time I get a negative reaction out of a girl, including the one I currently am hurting over, I feel that it is my face to blame. Most of the time it looks normal because of make up, (which kills me to wear) but I have no choice but to wear it because I must wear it to feel normal. Is it possible that when my face turns red it turns women off to the point where they would want nothing to do with me regardless of the fact that the color of my face is the only unattractive characteristic (in the opinion of many) of my body? Regardless of this girl frequentley telling me how great looking I am and telling me she has never felt so much for a person, is it possible that a reddened face can ruin it all? I am at the point where I need to seek counseling for the condition...if there even is one. I dont know but I almost feel like I am going a bit crazy. However, I am so embarrased to talk about this to anyone.
Any help regarding all situations above is greatly apreciated and needed.
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