Hello, I am sorry if i'm underage or anything to be using this board. But i am in a crisis and i could really do with some peoples help and advice and i hear the best advice comes from adults anyway so thats why i'm here...If anyone could help me then you won't know how much i will totally apprieciate it!
The problem:: I recently just turned 16, december to be exact. I'm just an average teenager who likes to do what normal teenagers do. But i don't drink and i don't smoke or take drugs and you could say that i'm quiet and likes to get on with things like school work and helping out my family. A few days after my birthday, i decide to go on msn and someone has added me. I just accept it and take no notice. The person who added me starts talking to me. So i start talking back to him. At first it was innocent, we got on really well...He enjoyed the things i liked and i enjoyed what he liked. we had so much in common and i would find myself looking forward to our next convo's I talked to him for weeks and he would tell me his problems and i would give him the best advice i could give. He would say: "I've never ever told anyone that before" and all that... I asked him questions about his life and he would always answer straight. I could tell that he wasn't lying, he would do the same...our lives where so different but we still got on well. So we kept on getting closer and closer as friends...He is 18 by the way...One day he says "can i tell you something?" and i say " sure go ahead" and he tells me that he feels something for me and that i'm not like most common girls and all that...I didn't know what to do...I was his friend i didn't want anything more...because he lived in america and i'm in england...I am a very cautious person. He gave me his cell number and he sed "You don't have to give me yours, i would never want to force you on anything" and sure he had never forced me to do anything. And he always sed that he would never ever hurt me. More weeks passed and then something strange starts happenening. I start to feel something for him too. I would call myself crazy and to stop acting so childish because i had never met him in person (i knew it was him because of ****** and pictures) but i had never seen him in actual person and here i was starting to feel something for someone over the internet..We talked constantly and more and more and then finally he sed "do you know what, i'm going to let you on in a little secret" and i didn't say anything and he sed "I love you".................. I was shaking and everything. he sed "someday i hope that you can say it back to me...but from the heart" ......... I thought long and hard about it...and i realised that i loved him too. but i couldn't stop saying that i was being stupid. that it's just a teenage thing that always happens but i constantly worried about him and i care ever so much for him.. i thought about him non stop!!! he is always in my mind. i can't shake him off. I told him how i feel and he felt the same way too... I felt like i knew him. He was so honest. and i knew he was genuine...I couldn't control it. Everytime he was there my heart would just ache...But my problem began to start with my parents. They found out about him, they made me erase him everywhere. I was so upset, i cried and cried and my heart was breaking. My dad snapped my phone sim card... I lost contact with him for days...i lost all will to speak to my parents...i was misrable...i checked my email one day and there where 20 emails from him telling me that he was so worried about me and he wanted me to reply to him. I sent him a email to tell him to forget me...and he sed no...that it's impossible to forget me...he can't do it...but he sed it's my choice that it was all up to me...and it was up to me...i was misrable without him...i loved him so much. I would cry every nite. he told me he felt weak and ill...I made a decision to still be there with him and disobey my parents...if they find out i'm dead....i don't know if i've made the right choice...have i? am i just being stupid? he was the first guy that has been interested in me...please i really need your help! There is more to this story. There is more to him aswell...i am so confused and terrified of my parents...but i love him to much to let him go...wat can i do??? if you can help thank you ever so much.
I can understand how you can build a 'connection' with someone over the internet. I've met people and spoken to them and made cyber 'friends'. I've been pleased to see a lot of decency in the strangers I have come across, whom I'll almost certainly never meet; but one thing I would never EVER get into on the internet would be a romantic connection. Why? Because it's just not possible to build something like that over a computer, I'm sorry.
I know people have met over the internet and gone on to marry eachother, but in those cases I firmly believe those people were very lucky to have met someone who happened to live up to their ideals offline; and in those cases it is OFFLINE that the actualy romantic relationship is properly built. In the vast majority of cases the people you go on to meet offline have lied or at least exaggerated various elements of who they are, or omitted information, possibly innocently, or otherwise just dont, for a wide variety of reasons, match the image you have built of them in your mind.
The thing is, when you dont have someone infront of you physically, you are stripped off SO much information that you would normally deduce by facial expression, body language, tone of voice, attitude etc - what your mind does to compensate for this is to fill in the blanks (and there are a LOT of blanks) What you end up with is an image of someone so perfect you're ready to 'fall in love'.
I'm sorry Bluesparkleee, but I just DO NOT BELIEVE it is possible to fall in love with someone when your image of them consists of one part what they want you to see and one part what you want to believe. There's no reality in that, I'm afraid, and loving someone is about accepting the reality of who they are, warts and all, and loving them for it. You sound like an intelligent young woman - so tell me, how can it be possible to love somebody warts and all, if you've never seen the warts?
Last edited by Laylah; 01-21-2007 at 12:30 PM.
Reason: misspelling
I'm afraid for you, because I'm afraid this guy has been lying to you and that he's not really only 18, I think he's one of those gross old men pretending to be that age to lure a young girl to meet him in person.
Do you know how common that is? It quite literally happens ALL the time. Constantly! Think about it, the internet is the perfect place for a pedophile to lurk because they have complete and total anonymity and they don't have to show you a single real picture of themselves until you actually meet them in person. Do you know how many young girls have been abducted, raped and murdered because they met someone from online whom they thought was their age (teenagers) but they ended up being old men? It's sick, truly, but it unfortunately happens.
Please be careful. Know that your parents love you and are worried for you, and that's why they took all of those measures to try to protect you. It's so easy to fall into this trap of thinking you're in love with someone, only to find out later that the person you thought you loved doesn't even exist, just the person who that real person made up. Be thankful that your parents care enough about you and love you enough to stop you from putting yourself in very real danger.
Please don't contact this guy again. You have no way of knowing if he is being truthful with you. You should be a lot more careful with whom you talk online, because there are way too many sickos out there. You are exactly the target that these sickos tend to target, so you have to be a lot smarter and a lot more selective about whom you talk to online.
Hi bluesparklee,i know what you mean,parents don't understand,i'm 15 ,and i met someone online and my dad made me so mad,he was going to take my computer away if i kept on talking to this person.
Hi bluesparkleee,i understand your parents concern,first off,i'm not 15,i'm 42!
and i have a 16 yr old daughter.Thers nothing wrong with chatting with peaple online,but what i wrote above was just an example how peaple can lie,and tell you what you want to hear.Now bluesparleee,you sound intellagent for 16,ask yourself,how can someone fall in love[love is a powerful word] if they never met me in persone? It is so easy to lie on the internet.I'm not saying this kid you met is a lyer.There are a lot of wacko's out there,just the other day i read in the paper were two girls were raped by someone they met online!!! Your parents love you very much,and they are just conserned about there daughters safty.You have your whole life ahead of you.Do me a favor,come back her one year from today,and i'll bet you have found someone your age,from your town.If you let this thing consume all of your time,how will you meet someone?
I'm worried for you too. I don't want to be a pessimist, but there are alot of perverts out there, more than ever. And it is INCREDIBLY easy to lie, especially over the internet.
Just reading your summary of the situation, my first impression of this guy is that he's lying, and that he's good and smart about it. He's telling you what you want to hear, and he's making you think you feel it too.. or that you're making the decisions. He's got you to trust him.
Like i said, I don't want to be cynical... I just want you to be safe.
Years ago, when I was 15ish (now 23) I did my share of internet chatting, and making cyber friends. I know what it is like to feel a "connection" with someone you've never met. But truth is.. you never really know if there is a connection unless you meet... and you should NEVER meet someone offline alone. I admit, I've met a few of my internet friends in person, but it's ALWAYS been in public places. Lucky for me, they've always turned out to be who they said they were.. even so though, I've never left alone with them.
I understand your parents fear. Remember that this guy (supposedly) lives in the states and you in England... so even if he is who he says he is, what are the chances. Don't let him convince you though to travel there, or for him there. It's too risky.
You're young.. I say more on to the flesh! You can still chat with him if you want to..but I'd put more time into people you can actually see and spend time with. Pen pals are great...
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