Stuck in a rut! - Relationship Health Message Board

SweetThing789 · 01-22-2007, 06:59 AM

Hi guys,
I am stuck in a rut and am having a hard time pulling myself out. I am 50, hubby is 60 and we have been married for 5 years. We have now settled into the comfortable stage which scares me because we swore this would never happen to us. We love each other in our own way and seldom argue. Sex is practically non existant ( he has ed and doesn't mind) or at least says he doesn't. Sex has never been good between us, so it's really not that big of a deal, I take care of myself. He has gained about 50 lbs. since we got married and will not eat right or exercise. We are both heavy and have been since we have been together, it's just I am trying to get healthy and he gets on my nerves, constantly chomping on junky stuff. I cook healthy meals and have fruit, etc. available. He eats that and then everything else in the house to (such as dry cereal straight form the box) and I mean the whole box. I am trying to keep my mouth shut and lead by example, since talking doesn't help. I have asked him to get healthy with me so we could grow old together and be healthy. He says ok but then continues to do his own thing. Do all marriages get stuck in a rut after a few years or do I have a problem? Thanks for any input. sweetthing 789.

MRSCLAUS · 01-23-2007, 01:24 PM

HI, sorry to hear things are going bad. I am 59 , hubby is 58, second marriage for us both, me a widow, him divorced. We have now been together seven years, married one, but living together for the entire time. Things were very hot for a long time, longer than I thought they would be really, As for the ed, if he wanted too, he could do something about that. By not doing it, I would think he just don't care if he makes love to me at all. We still have a good sex life although it certainly isn't like it use to be. I just don't think he finds me attractive anymore, although he tells me I look NICE when we are going out someplace. It makes me feel old. I know I am, but so is he. Its rough getting older when the men just want to keep on looking at all the younger bodies. I have had a couple men really flirt with me lately which he knows about, I hope that wakes him up a little , but I really don't think it will. I think we are just past that, and It sounds like you are also. As for your weight, good luck. I know its a hard thing to do when we get older to keep ourselves down. I am not too heavy, but I feel fat. I am 5'4 and weigh about 143, about 15 lbs too much. But I really dont' think that is the problem for any of us. Look at Christy Brinkley, her husband cheated with a younger woman. It don't seem to matter how good you look for your age or how good you treat a man, its just in them to keep on looking at other women, younger women. I sometimes think it is just hopeless. No use to even try. So try to get yourself healthy, and live your live the best you can. We can't change anyone, no matter how much we love them. It sure gets old getting hurt , don't it?

BrandyBobs Lady · 01-23-2007, 01:38 PM

I think when people marry they tend to get too passive and as you say fall into a "rut". They have to be willing to work on the relationship to keep it fresh and alive. I am soon to be 50 and my SO is 57. Granted our relationship is new (8 months) but he suffers from ED as well. There is more to sex than intercourse of course. We love to please each other though..granted in the beginning we started out whole hog with almost every day. Couldn't get enough of each other...but that got to the point of wearing us out..lol. Its now designated to the weekends providing we aren't too exhausted from his playing out...he is in a band and stays young by doing what he loves to do. I am heavy (5'5 and 195 lbs) and have felt ugly and fat but he tells me that I am the most beautiful woman to him. He loves me and he tells me every day. Maybe we will fall into the same rut as everyone else but I think if we work to keep it alive it won't happen. Only time will tell.

SweetThing789 · 01-24-2007, 11:56 AM

Hi girls, thanks for the response. MrsClaus, I forgot to say it's not our first marriage either. He was widowed, I was divorced. He says he had the ed problem previously and it corrected itself eventually. He has tried viagra and a couple of testestrone shots to no avail. I think he's just tried of dealing with it, so he thinks no big deal. Your advice to get healthy and live life the best I can is good advice. That is what I will try to do. It's just that at only 50 I was not quite ready to let that part of life go. Know what I mean? At least if he looks at other women which I'm sure he does, he doesn't comment.
BrandyBobsLady, I hope that your relationship stays good also for your sake. I thought we would be the exception to the rule, but I guess not. Please don't get me wrong, there is a lot more right with us than wrong, just was wondering if it was normal for things to progress this way. Thanks again, ladies. sweetthing789