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Old 01-27-2007, 10:08 PM   #1
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Question want another baby

I want another baby, however my hubbie does not. He wants to wait for a year or so. I have been thinking about going off the pill anyways and just not telling him. Is that evil? I know he would be happy if I did get pregnant now, he just would like to wait a few years. What do you all think?

 
Old 01-28-2007, 05:14 AM   #2
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Re: what another baby

I'm sure he would be thrilled if you got pregnant, even if it was unplanned (my husband was, I got pregnant on the pill, and he was still very excited). But doing it behind his back seems a little too sneaky to me. It's totally up to you. Would you plan to tell him after you concieved that you were not taking the pill? Or just let him believe the pill was not effective? If it were me (I know it's not...but hypothetically speaking), I'd talk with my husband again and try to get him to understand why I wanted a baby right now. If he still wanted to wait a year I'd try to get some kind of compromise out of him...like, maybe waiting 2 or 3 months then discussing it again. Good luck in whatever you decide!!

Sarah

 
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Old 01-28-2007, 07:03 AM   #3
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Re: what another baby

Hi Trimmery,
If it were me, I couldn't go off the pill without him knowing... Is there a reason you don't want to wait? If there is, I would take the road of using that in my defense when discussing it, but doing it behind his back does sound kind of sneaky, and he may feel that you did it on purpose because he knows you want another one now, and that could cause a certain amount of distrust.
Ultimately this is up to you & only you, but if you have a good relationship with your husband, I would just talk about the subject a lot & express my feelings about it.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.. wishing you all the best!
-Sweet

 
Old 01-28-2007, 07:48 AM   #4
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Re: want another baby

You are not giving us much information to go on.

How old are you both or what age bracket are you in?
How many kids do you already have?
Is there a reason why you don't want to wait a year?
Is there a reason why he wants to wait a year?
How is your financial situation?

It's much better if you plan such a big decision where you can both agree on.

 
Old 01-28-2007, 09:29 AM   #5
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Re: want another baby

Don't decieve your husband like that ...just how I feel it would be very decieveing.He deserves better then that he is being honest with you in that he thinks you two should wait a while.Maybe (and there probably is) there is good reason why your husband wants to wait? I believe you wehn you say he would be happy even if you you got pregnant anyway but how would he feel if he knew you had decieved him? You really do not want to take that chance he could then harbor some resentment and lose trust in you.

 
Old 01-28-2007, 09:57 AM   #6
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Re: want another baby

Quote:
Originally Posted by trimmery View Post
I want another baby, however my hubbie does not. He wants to wait for a year or so. I have been thinking about going off the pill anyways and just not telling him. Is that evil? I know he would be happy if I did get pregnant now, he just would like to wait a few years. What do you all think?

There are lot of women who does it this way. When I tell people that husband doesn't want 2 baby, they all suggested me that, but in my case its more complicated. If your husband doesn't mind 2 baby just not right away it seems fine.

 
Old 01-28-2007, 12:06 PM   #7
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Re: want another baby

Although I can sympathize with you, I think it's incredibly deceitful, to say the least. We aren't talking about lying to your husband about a shopping spree, we are talking about bringing a baby into this world by ur own choice, instead of a mutual decision.

 
Old 01-28-2007, 02:41 PM   #8
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Re: want another baby

While I think you should definitely go off the pill for other reasons (like the fact that the pill is one of the unhealthiest drugs on the market), I certainly don't think you should lie to your husband about it. I think that would be really deceitful and wrong. In fact, I think it would be downright criminal to do that to your husband.

So, yes go off the pill but because it sucks and it's unhealthy and no woman should be subjecting herself to that kind of poison. But do not be deceitful with your husband. You should be truthful and honest with him because he is your husband. I would never advocate that a woman lie to her husband in that way because it's just not right.

 
Old 01-28-2007, 03:21 PM   #9
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Re: want another baby

No way do I think you should try to trick your husband like that...that isn't fair. And if he thinks you are on the pill and you suddenly get pregnant, wouldn't he be suspicious? You two are supposed to be a team, you shouldn't be plotting against him.
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Old 01-28-2007, 03:25 PM   #10
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Re: want another baby

A child deserves to be wanted by both parents.

 
Old 01-30-2007, 09:27 AM   #11
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Re: want another baby

If I did get pregnant, this child would be wanted by both parents. My husband is not a mean spirited person and would never resent his children, unplanned or planned.

Some background on why I want more kids now.

1. I have always wanted at least 5 kids
2. I am 31 yrs old, and not getting any younger.
3. I had a cyst 2 yrs ago that grew so big, it wrapped itself around one of my ovaries and killed it, it had to be removed. It was not noticed until it was too late. So now I only have one good ovary.
4. What if I have another cyst and the same thing happens and my chances of having my own children are gone?

I had my first child 13 yrs ago. I never realized until I had my second child 6 months ago, how much I wanted more kids. A lot of kids. It took me 12 yrs to meet someone that treats me good, and I want to have 100 kids with him.

I guess for health reasons I just dont want to wait. It scares me to think that I may not be able to have more kids if I dont get on it right now.

Thats my story.

 
Old 01-30-2007, 10:48 AM   #12
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Re: want another baby

Trimmery,

Be honest with your husband about why you don't want to wait to conceive. Those are very valid reasons, and I would think that if you discussed those with your husband he may be more willing to not wait. If he is still a little reluctant then do as the other poster said and wait a couple of months and bring it up again.

I don't think it is a good idea to deceive your husband. Personally, I believe in total honesty no matter what. It's easier to deal with the truth then get over being lied to, especially by the person you are suppose to be able to trust the most in the world. You said yourself your husband isn't a monster, so just level with him. Give him a little credit. He just may be worried about the impact it will have you given your history and that you had a baby recently.

 
Old 01-30-2007, 10:50 AM   #13
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Re: want another baby

Does your husband understand your urgency? What does he say about it? I don't think there's anything unreasonable about it, but what are his opinions?

I don't think anyone here would ever assume your husband would resent the child - but I don't think anyone would blame him if he harbored some form of resentment against *you* for basically taking your partnership and turning it into only what you want and not considering him in the very important task of planning out a family. It's super inconsiderate to just push his needs aside and basically trick him for your own desire, don't you think?? He probably really wants to have at least some say in the future of his family with his wife and to be decieved would make anyone a little hurt and resentful of the partner who treated them like their opinion or wants don't matter....

Just my two cents Just talk to him if you haven't already, about WHY it is so important to you to do this - the cyst is a really compelling reason, tell him what you're afraid of why and you want to get a move on, he could very well understand?

 
Old 01-30-2007, 10:58 AM   #14
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Re: want another baby

I know how you feel except my husband says no never again. Yes our son is just turning 4 months but I was thinking of another baby down the road not right away and he won't even talk about it. He keeps saying all I want is one. Oh sure because we got a boy and when they get older they can do all the fun stuff without Mom. Even if we had another boy I would want him because I want another baby for several different reasons. However I am hoping for a girl this time, even though I love my baby Boy with all my heart. I also think my husband doesn't want another baby because he is a big hunting and golf freak and he was already worried about a baby taking up too much money for him to spend on his activites. I think that is an extremely selfish reason for not wanting another baby. Just the other day he made the comment that our baby isn't as exspensive has he thought he would be and when he gets older he will eat what we eat so our grociery bill shouldn't be that much more. I hope for both of us that our husbands change their minds. Good luck too you!

 
Old 01-30-2007, 11:29 AM   #15
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Re: want another baby

Quote:
Originally Posted by alleycat2 View Post
I know how you feel except my husband says no never again. Yes our son is just turning 4 months but I was thinking of another baby down the road not right away and he won't even talk about it. He keeps saying all I want is one. Oh sure because we got a boy and when they get older they can do all the fun stuff without Mom. Even if we had another boy I would want him because I want another baby for several different reasons. However I am hoping for a girl this time, even though I love my baby Boy with all my heart. I also think my husband doesn't want another baby because he is a big hunting and golf freak and he was already worried about a baby taking up too much money for him to spend on his activites. I think that is an extremely selfish reason for not wanting another baby. Just the other day he made the comment that our baby isn't as exspensive has he thought he would be and when he gets older he will eat what we eat so our grociery bill shouldn't be that much more. I hope for both of us that our husbands change their minds. Good luck too you!
Your husband is very typical man. I had a hard time to convience my dh to have at least one baby and it was all that reasons: he wants to take accordeon classes, he likes to do this and do that and so on. Now he is saying that it would be tragic not to have this bright intelligent girl (she is only 4 LOL).
In terms of second one I wasn't sure myself that we can pull it.

 
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