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Old 01-31-2007, 08:59 PM   #1
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Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

Hi people, I havent posted in a while with a personal issue of my own as things have all been calm and well and then BAAAAM - I get hit with the mother of them all! It is sooooooo irritating!

My man works in security in a large shopping centre and a sixteen year old girl has taken a shine to him. This is a long story and I'm ****** off with it totally. Here it is in breif:

About six months ago a nineteen year old girl (this sixteen year olds older sister) started sending my bf sexualised text messages detailing all she'd like to do to him; he told her he had a girlfriend, she responded "**** your girlfriend". At that point he told her not to contact him again, and she stopped.

His phone number was first aquired by the sixteen year old, she was given it by one of his co-workers (who, incidentally, I only found out from someone else the other night that guy is known for that stupid carry on - giving out the security guards phone numbers, he'd done it before on at least one other security guard)

Anyway, my bf and I were driving home about two weeks ago and his phone rings. I know this man inside and out, we've been together every day for over four years and I know him well enough that I could tell from the tone of his voice when he answered the phone two very distinct things:

1 - He wasnt talking to someone he felt obliged to speak to with any proper level of respect, and

2 - He wasnt talking to someone I would want him talking to at all

Of course I asked him who it was and of course he told me. Now here's the thing: Months ago, when these calls first started he also told her (the 16 year old) not to call him again. She didnt call for a while, then started calling again ocassionally, then sped things up till they recently got to, according to him "a few times a week". He makes the conversations as breif as he can and gets off the phone asap but, according to him, he hasnt told her not to call again because he "didnt want to be rude". She also approaches him in the Shopping centre and speaks to him regularly. Of course I wanted to know what she'd been saying all this time and he reckons it is just stupid random talk like, "did you see what happened today in the centre, blah blah" discussing things she'd seen while hanging around there (which obviously seems to be all she has going on in her life)

Today was the last straw; I'm a journalist and I'd just conducted a very stressful interview. I was in town near the shopping mall so I decided to take a walk through the centre and off-load on him what a nightmare the interview had been. I'm walking through the shopping mall and what do I see? Yeah, you've guessed it. I just got my first look at the stupid little cow - there she is chatting and laughing away up in my bf's face.

My bf has already agreed to change his phone number so she CANT call anymore, but I just dont feel like that's enough. I feel he has let me down in not setting clear boundaries with her behaviour from the start. I feel, and have told him, that he encouraged her every single time he accepted a call, and I stand over that, I really feel he has. I know my mans no perv and wouldnt dream of putting his hands on a child, which is what she clearly is. But no matter how he and I view her as a child I know she dosent view herself that way and it would take a blind deaf mute not to see what she's after here. I mean, come on people - he says there's never been any sexual talk from her, but no female spends months consistantly calling a man and trying to get a his attention unless she is trying to form some sort of bond or relationship.

Anyway, I walked over to the two of them and engaged him in conversation and just acted like she wasnt even there. She walked off after a few seconds and called back over her shoulder "I'll just go and get that from the shop for you". Apparantly that was a joke. He'd mentioned to her that he wanted to buy a new car and she decided it'd be funny to suggest she was off to sort it out for him. Dont get paranoid for my sake people, I know my bf and I know when I'm being fed a line of BS; it was her idea of a joke and she wasnt actually headed to the shop for him for any reason. But - did she intend to leave me with the impression that she was???

What REALLY freaks me out about the whole thing was the way the moment I arrived she knew it was time to make herself scarce. That says a lot as far as I'm concerned. If there was anything innocent about her intentions she'd hardly have felt it was time to dissapear the moment I showed up. We'd never come face to face before, but I'd spoken to him in a casual personal tone that would have made her realise immediately who I was.

I said I'd give the story in breif but instead it's turned into an encyclopedia - apologies for that. Please tell me people, how would you hande this? He has already, as I said, promised to change his number pronto, but I know that as soon as she wont be able to get him on the phone she'll just be showing up in the centre every day instead of every other day. I'm so ****** off, irritated and annoyed and this is damaging my relationship.

What's getting to me most is that she KNOWS he has a girlfriend as her sister was told that months ago, but still she's keeping up her stupid games. I feel my boyfriend has allowed me to be insulted by a sixteen year old girl. I feel that "not wanting to be rude" to her was more important than being honest with me. He'd never have told me about her calls if I hadnt been in the car that day, simply because he knows I'd have been big-time ****** off and it'd have lead to an argument. In fact, I asked him about two months ago if he'd ever heard form her or her sister since those first texts and calls (about six months ago) and he flat out LIED to me, for the same reason - he knew I'd go mad.

It'd be easier if she was 26 - then I'd just slap the head off her, but I couldnt in all consience put my hands on an infatuated 16 year old girl. I'm nearly 31 by the way, and my man is nearly 39.

So, what I'm asking is:

Am I right in feeling that he's let me down?

How do I deal with this silly little cow?

And would you all agree that I'm right in thinking her walking away the moment I showed up clearly spells out her sinister intentions???

Apologies again for the legnth of the post, thanks to everyone who got to the end of it. If you've come this far please take a few more moments to help me out with the three questions above; as I said, this is doing my head in and damaging my relationship. Thank you all.

 
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Old 02-01-2007, 12:24 AM   #2
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Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

Okay, I'm paranoid for you... but to answer your questions...

1) Yes I'd feel let down. He lied about it and doesn't seem in a big rush to end this 'infatuation'. Maybe he likes the attention? Why does he care if he sounds rude? Out of respect for you, I don't see why he can't firmly put her in her place.

2) You shouldn't have to deal with her. It's up to your boyfriend to do that. Clearly he isn't. What does a 39yo have in common with a 16yo that he would bother to talk to her on a regular basis when surely he must know she may have other motives?

3) I'm not sure about her intentions, but I would think that if she knows he has a girlfriend etc, and she is still hanging around, then something must be leading her on. Not implying whatsoever that there is anything physical going on, but maybe he likes the attention or flirting nature of their friendship?

Sorry, but something just doesn't add up here. Although it could just be cause i've been in similar situations before and heard similar lines/stories.

Just my opinion...

Good luck sorting it out!!!
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Old 02-01-2007, 02:17 AM   #3
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Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

i think he is right in the fact that he doesnt want to ask her to stop speaking to him.
the situation would be embarrasing to speak about to her & would make things awkward & no one wants things to be awkward with anyone they work with & see almost everyday.

regarding the phone calls:
if he does get a new number & she really wants it from his work-mates, she will get it. there is nothing you or he can do to prevent it.
how about, when she does call he says to her everytime: "i cant speak right now im busy - i will call you later"
that way, she doesnt call him back. she expects him to call her & obviously he wont. after the first few times, she will get the idea (i think).


this girl is probably just someone that has a thing for older guys. you should stop being insecure. if he isnt going to cheat, nothing will happen. i think your blowing everything out of proportion, being over protective & making a fuss which would cause problems, for no reason.
you are a grown woman, stop acting like a teenager would act with her bf.

 
Old 02-01-2007, 06:07 AM   #4
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Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

I don't blame you for feeling let down. He should have set very clear boundaries from the start with her. The fact that he didn't lets her see think that her behavior is accepted whether it is not. If she comes up to him at work it is a little hard for him to say "go away" and I can understand that. Part of his job I would think is dealing with the public. But her calling his phone! Come on. He should have told her she had no business bothering him outside of work, period!

I don't know what you can do. It's obviously just some stupid little crush and once she finds someone new to turn her attention to he will be off the hook. At least she walked away when you showed up rather than acting like a fool in front of you.

The only thing I would do is say something to the coworker who thinks nothing of giving out other people's numbers.

 
Old 02-01-2007, 06:30 AM   #5
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Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

I think your bf is probably feeling both awkward about saying something like, "Go away," as well as enjoying the attention of a young girl. Either way, he's been busted, and he needs to be the grown-up adult and put an end to this.

I agree the hiding it from you initially is a bit off, but I'll bet he thought it was a harmless crush, and it would have upset you to bring it up.

You know your guy. I'm sure by now, you'd know if he was into young girls (finding things on the computer, weird emails/spam, etc.).

If it were me, as hard as this might be, I'd probably just try not to stress about it. He's going to change his number. Hopefully he'll "act busy" and give her a hint when they see each other at the mall that he's just got better things to do than chat with a 16-year-old.

If not and he continues to get calls from her or she continues to contact him, I'd either (a) dump the guy or (b) get in touch with the parents of this kid and let them know their 16-year-old "baby" is after your 39-year-old man. Actually, I'd probably do both (a) and (b) if this doesn't end. Maybe a senseless beating from her parents and a few years of groundation will prevent this girl from being on the news when she stumbles across a real psycho to flirt with and taunt.

 
Old 02-01-2007, 07:26 AM   #6
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Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

Quote:
Originally Posted by samb0 View Post
i think he is right in the fact that he doesnt want to ask her to stop speaking to him.
the situation would be embarrasing to speak about to her & would make things awkward & no one wants things to be awkward with anyone they work with & see almost everyday.

regarding the phone calls:
if he does get a new number & she really wants it from his work-mates, she will get it. there is nothing you or he can do to prevent it.
how about, when she does call he says to her everytime: "i cant speak right now im busy - i will call you later"
that way, she doesnt call him back. she expects him to call her & obviously he wont. after the first few times, she will get the idea (i think).


this girl is probably just someone that has a thing for older guys. you should stop being insecure. if he isnt going to cheat, nothing will happen. i think your blowing everything out of proportion, being over protective & making a fuss which would cause problems, for no reason.
you are a grown woman, stop acting like a teenager would act with her bf.
Thank you everyone for responding. I dont want to be nasty here, but this thread (so far) is a pretty typical reflection of real-life attitudes re relationship issues in that the sense comes from the women and the BS comes from the men. From various things you've said above Sambo, you just dont seem to be 'getting' this situation. Maybe I havent clarified things properly.

First of all, he dosent work with her. She is a member of the public who has taken to hanging around him like a fly on you-know-what since she has developed her crush, so there is no onus on him to deal with her, he could simply tell her to move along, that he had a job to be getting on with. And just to clarify, there'd be no sense in his telling her he'd call her later. She wouldnt expect that, as he has never contacted her even once. If I thought he'd done that this would be a whole different thread; I'd be asking for advice on moving on as my arse would already be out the door.

Also, you say "you are a grown woman, stop acting like a teenager would act with her bf", well actually Sambo, I have many concerns here that are not juvenile or jealousy driven which I didnt include in my original post as I felt it was lengthy enough. Here's one of them:

I think it is extremely stupid of him not to have put a very rapid halt to this situation, regardless whether he was in a relationship or not. The legal age of sexual consent in this country is seventeen for girls, so any 39 year old man with half a brain has got to know he's playing with fire by accepting calls from a sixteen year old girl, as she is a child in the eyes of the justice system. Teenaged girls are notoriously obsessive in their sexual desires; what is to stop her bragging to her friends that there is something more than there really is between them? And what if her parents were to get wind of that? Who do you think would be the first people they'd call? They'd call the police, of course, as I would if it were my daughter. Her parents could take an action against his employers, who could in turn lose their contract in one of our cities largest shopping malls as a result. My bf could tarnish his name in his area of work forever. He could find his arse out of a job and infront of a judge.

You said Sambo; "if he isnt going to cheat, nothing will happen". Well, the way I see it, since he isnt going to cheat, that could be the very thing that could encourage the worst to happen - She could turn nasty when the penny finally drops that there isnt going to be any sexual attention from him after all the months of chasing she's put into this. She could say he raped her, and how would he defend himself against the suspicion of that allegation, when there are records to show he has months of accepted calls from her mobile???

I know this is the worst case scenario, but please dont tell me it's impossible, I read about this sort of thing in the media all the time. There was a woman a few weeks ago in the papers who'd been given a lengthily sentence for stealing a mans used condoms from his bins in order to use his semen to frame him for rape, for Gods sake, so please dont tell me I'm letting my imagination run away with me and dreaming up the impossible here. With the age she is at, this could potentially turn into a nightmare situation for all of us. He hasnt even considered any of this, which leaves me gobsmacked at his total stupidity; I really thought he had more cop-on than that.

The person who initially gave out his number has since been sacked, so thankfully as soon as this number is changed I wont have to worry about her calling him anymore. But, as I outlined in the last two paragraphs, who could predict what kind of response that will elicit in her?

I think he's behaved like an incredible fool in putting himself in a very compromised position and behaved in a HIGHLY inappropriate manner; he has also lied to me, and, I really feel, has allowed some random stranger to come between us and disrespect both me our relationship.

Sambo, if that is how you truly feel I have to say you need to have a think about how acceptable this situation would feel if you were in it. Would you accept it? Would you be prepared to put your partner through it? If your answer to the former question is a no and to the latter is a yes, then I think you need to have a serious think about an obvious requirement in any relationship - that is the requirement to treat the person you are with as you would be wish to be treated yourself.

Last edited by Laylah; 02-01-2007 at 07:34 AM.

 
Old 02-01-2007, 08:00 AM   #7
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Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

You are an adult. She is a sixteen-year-old girl. Clearly, she has not yet (and may never) learn how to behave herself properly. However, the hostility aimed at this girl is unwarranted. It seems that your problem is with your boyfriend. Why did he have to answer his cell phone at all? Couldn't it just go straight to voicemail? You are right when you say that it's not in his best interest to continue speaking to her, as she is underage. But again, that's about his job. It's not really your problem, unless he is supporting you financially. Overall, I would say this isn't a question of whether someone is 'throwing herself at [your] man' but rather a question of your boyfriend being too hesitant to do what he needs to do, which is to politely tell this girl that he is not interested. Being jealous of a sixteen-year-old girl is kind of futile, because if he actually went for it, is that a man you would want anything to do with, really?

 
Old 02-01-2007, 08:12 AM   #8
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Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

does he not have caller id? could he skip her phone calls? i think the others are right in that he is flattered here, why would a 39 yo man feel guilty about not returning/answering a 16 yo's calls? i believe it is your bf's responsibility to stop this

 
Old 02-01-2007, 08:43 AM   #9
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Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

Quote:
Originally Posted by bulletproof View Post
if he actually went for it, is that a man you would want anything to do with, really?
Of course not Bulletproof, if I thought that were the sort of man he was I'd be long gone. As for unwarranted hostility, I'll have to repeat a point I made in my original post; if I had the same level of hostility for her as I'd have for a grown woman engaging in the same behaviour she'd already have got a slap for herself by now, but I dont think she deserves that as an infatuated 16 year old girl. Also, I was a lot more sexually promiscuous at 16 than I ever was once I got past my teens, so please dont tell me her tender years cast her in any sort of angelic light or ensure that she hasnt got real sexual desires here. My sexual desires at 16 were real enough, that's how I got pregnant!

I'm sorry, but I totally disagree with you when you say this is not a case of her throwing herself at him. That certainly is an element of it; tell me, have you ever contacted someone consistently for months, someone who has never once returned a call? I doubt you have, I know I havent, (this is what comes with the maturity that, as adults, you and I would share, and is obviously, at 16, what she lacks) but if either of us had, wouldnt you say we had thrown ourselves at the recipient of those calls? The reason we wouldnt behave like that is precisely because we know that throwing ourselves at the person in question would be exactly what we'd be doing, and no self respecting grown adult will disgrace themselves in that way. I don’t hate or detest this young girl Bullettproof; I’m just seriously insulted by her actions, especially when I know she has kept this up for six months in the knowledge that he is involved in a relationship. I’m much more insulted by his actions than by hers, I have to add; she’s not the one who owes me any sense of loyalty or decent treatment – he is.

"Why did he have to answer his cell phone at all?"

That's something I forgot to add, thanks for asking. The reason he's 'had' to answer the calls is because nine times out of ten when she calls it shows up 'private number', but also, nine times out of ten when I call it shows up the same thing as I usually ring him from home and my home no is ex directory. So he has got himself into the ridiculous situation where when his phone rings and it shows up private number he dosent know whether it's me or her on the end of the line! Of course, the obvious way out of this would have been to tell her not to call at all, which he should have insisted upon.

"You are right when you say that it's not in his best interest to continue speaking to her, as she is underage. But again, that's about his job. It's not really your problem, unless he is supporting you financially"

I dont agree with this at all Bulletproof; This is my partner of more than four years we're talking about here. If he gets himself into the worst case scenario this situation could create, it will impact upon me and everyone else close to him enormously, finances or no finances.

Last edited by Laylah; 02-01-2007 at 08:43 AM.

 
Old 02-01-2007, 08:52 AM   #10
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Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

Quote:
Originally Posted by jozi209 View Post
i believe it is your bf's responsibility to stop this
I couldnt agree more Jozi, that's the reason for the very intense feeling of having been let down that I am experiencing here. I think some people are taking the view that I think this is all about the girl, and maybe I've given that impression out of my sense of annoyance at her part in this, but the real and deepest issue is his reaction to her behaviour and his total failure to see the need to set the clear boundaries that he ought to have set months ago.

I'm now in a situation where I'm wondering do I really want to be with a man who has such different ideas about what is acceptable behaviour within a relationship, which, I can tell you, really really hurts. We've seriously discussed marraige and children recently, but if we feel so differently about this issue, how long will it be before something similar comes up? And how much worse will I feel if he is my husband and the father of my kids by that time???

 
Old 02-01-2007, 09:05 AM   #11
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Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

I never said that she wasn't throwing herself at him- I said that it wasn't the issue, meaning it's irrelevant. What's relevant is how your boyfriend handles the fact that she is aggressively pursuing him. Her behavior is out of his control; his own behavior is not.

Furthermore, wasn't the original issue involving your being present when the cell phone call was answered? Obviously, the private number was not yours, as you were sitting right there.

Of course him losing his job would impact you in ways other than financial. But it is his problem and his responsibility to do the right thing. I'm not talking about how people would be affected emotionally by his losing his job. I'm talking about what your responsibility is in terms of making sure he keeps his job, and the only one who is ultimately responsible is him.

 
Old 02-01-2007, 10:09 AM   #12
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Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

Quote:
Originally Posted by bulletproof View Post
I never said that she wasn't throwing herself at him- I said that it wasn't the issue, meaning it's irrelevant. What's relevant is how your boyfriend handles the fact that she is aggressively pursuing him. Her behavior is out of his control; his own behavior is not.

Furthermore, wasn't the original issue involving your being present when the cell phone call was answered? Obviously, the private number was not yours, as you were sitting right there.

Of course him losing his job would impact you in ways other than financial. But it is his problem and his responsibility to do the right thing. I'm not talking about how people would be affected emotionally by his losing his job. I'm talking about what your responsibility is in terms of making sure he keeps his job, and the only one who is ultimately responsible is him.
I take the points you are making here Bulletproof, some of them are valid issues I've considered myself, but if, for example, he lost his job because of this, the financial end of things would be the very least of my worries. I'd be worried about the mental and emotional impact on him, me, his kids, my son, his family, my family, our friends etc etc. Mud sticks Bulletproff, and if an innocent man is cleared in a court of law of any wrongdoing, it does nothing to erase the suspicions that will always linger around that man and his conduct. My bf is a decent man and has done nothing sexually untoward here and it would kill me and a lot of other people if he was made to suffer for simply being stupid and, in his own words "not wanting to be rude".

As for his having answered the private number in my company, myself and herself are not the only people who call on private numbers, I often receive them myself, so when his phone rang that day it could literally have been anybody, but with me in the car of course that eliminated me as a possibility, which, incidentally, would further assure me (if I needed further assurance) that there is actually nothing going on here, as he wouldnt likely answer a call that could likely have been from her in my company if there was something going on that he seriously wanted to conceal.

I accept that you dont see her throwing herself at him as relevant, but I dont see her pursuit of him as being irrelevant, I see it as being insulting, and the insult itself would push the situation beyond the bounds of irrelevance. I also think that any woman who'd had a female (of any age) pursuing her man for six straight months couldnt fail but to see the relevance!

Anyway, latest update: He texted me there about an hour ago and asked me to go out tonight for a drink and a talk, but I responded that I feel I need some time alone to think, as I need to figure out if there is any point in pursuing a relationship with a man who has such VERY different ideas about what is acceptable behaviour within a relationship.

 
Old 02-01-2007, 11:23 AM   #13
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Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

Laylah, you always give such level-headed, calm, neutral advice. It's hard reading this thread knowing it is authored by you.

First, I think you need to calm down a bit. I work in the justice system and have for 15 years. At least from my experience, your BF would not have his life ruined by a 16-year-old girl making up lies with no proof to back it up. The prosecutors would need DNA or strong circumstantial evidence to even press charges. Chatting at the mall is not strong circumstantial evidence. And I do agree that once in a blue moon, there's some strange story we hear about how someone's life is nearly ruined over something like this, but, believe me; for every story we hear like that, there are hundreds where charges are not pressed.

Now, I'm assuming you're in the USA, where I am and work, but I can't help but notice your writing style (behaviour instead of behavior). If you're in the UK or Canada, please disregard my above statement! I don't know what kind of evidence is required in those countries.

I'm not trying to be insensitive or offensive here. I can read how stressed you are by this -- and absolutely rightfully so -- and how defensive you're becoming. But I think it's important that you stay focused on you, your intuition, your son, how your BF has handled this so far and the actions he takes to immediately put an end to this instead of getting carried away with what this girl could do if she's even the vindictive type.

FWIW, it sounds like she's not the brightest crayon in the box, you know? I doubt she'd have the knowledge to successfully deceive the authorities to believe she was raped/assaulted, at least to the point of having to worry about mud sticking. Municipalities have to worry about civil suits, too, so they don't willy-nilly ruin people's lives based on non-credible evidence. I mean, it happens, sure, but it's very rare.

Now, if he's been contacting her -- which can be easily proven by phone records -- yeah, things could become nasty. But then you'll know your 39-year-old BF is into teenagers, and he'll end up where he belongs.

And I do think it's good you're going to take some time to think about this alone. Flirting at work is one thing, but allowing teenagers with crushes to call me for six months is something a bit different.

My heart goes out to you. Best of luck in finding a resolution in this.

 
Old 02-01-2007, 12:25 PM   #14
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Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

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Originally Posted by StenoLady1 View Post
Laylah, you always give such level-headed, calm, neutral advice. It's hard reading this thread knowing it is authored by you...

And I do think it's good you're going to take some time to think about this alone. Flirting at work is one thing, but allowing teenagers with crushes to call me for six months is something a bit different.

My heart goes out to you. Best of luck in finding a resolution in this.
Thank you StenoLady. Yes, I totally agree that I'm feeling very hyped up and probably behaving out of character because of all this; I certainly dont feel like myself! Something like this can really throw and upset you. It's an awful pity we dont have the capacity to stand outside of ourselves when something like this comes up. I'm Laylah when I'm considering someone elses problem, but I'm Rachel when I'm considering my own. What a pity Laylah couldnt give Rachel a good talking to, lol!

I'm from Ireland. We too here would need strong evidence that would actually prove that a man had done something deserving of being imprisoned before he could be imprisoned, of course. My worry was never that he might end up behind bars; my worry is that he could have allegations made against him, and that to my mind is more than enough of a worry to be going on with! I think there are different ways his life could be affected here, and I dont think charges being processed would be necessary in order to do damage; I think charges being levelled, though they would inevitably be uncovered as unfounded, could do a good deal of damage on their own.

I do actually believe that mud sticks in a lot of peoples minds. With some people, all they need to hear is that someone has been accused of something, and they will always harbour a sense of doubt. I dont think the fact that he accepted months of calls from her would do anything to quell anyones suspicions either.

And yes, I do feel a bit defensive at the suggestion that I've been overly hostile towards this girl. The girl hasnt heard one word out of me, precisely because of her age, while most of the women I know would have let fly at her yesterday in the shopping centre; so I dont accept as valid Bulletproofs suggestion that I'm in some way victimising this girl here or misdirecting ill feeling - I think the women on the face of this planet who'd be happy about a female of any age aggressively and relentlessly pursuing their man are a very rare breed indeed! Yes, he deserves the lionshare of the blame here, I've made that point more than once already, but does that mean I'm supposed to condone her actions?

I know he hasnt been contacting her, that's not even an issue, thank God. The real issue for me here, in a nutshell, is that he just didnt set those boundaries, and the sort of man I want to spend my life with would have.

 
Old 02-01-2007, 12:53 PM   #15
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 413
Unsure_88 HB User
Re: Stupid SIXTEEN YEAR OLD throwing herself at my man!!! What do I do???

I will be honest, I didn't read every post on here. But I don't see why he wouldn't be rude.

If it was my husband, and this girl was calling I would get on the phone with her and tell her what I think.
And it isn't rude for him to come across and simply tell this girl "Hey, I have a girlfriend and I would appreciate it if you didn't call me, or didn't come up to me...If you do insist on calling and talking with me I would feel obligated to consider you a stalker and take this up with authorities."
Your feelings should be put abover hers ANY DAY, ANY NIGHT, ANY TIME PERIOD.
Maybe it is just an attention thing that he likes...but if he lets it go to far she will get the impression that she is in love with him and that he is the only man who ever listens and with all do respect to your boyfriend is in a sense making him look as tho he is low enough to even engage in with this child. Not to mention I wonder what peple would think if this security guard is standing around talking with this 16 year old. I bet it doesn't look good towards other people who are walking around, and even to people who work there and see this going on. He is allowing this girl to ruin his reputation. If I saw him on a regular basis talking with this girl I would assume something if I was an outsider even though there may not even be anything there other then stupid random things....ALSO if they are stupid random things, then WHY SHOULD HE EVEN LISTEN. or even get into detail with her about the things that he wants. So you do know that he is persistant in answering this girl back and he does enjoy talking with her. If not he wouldn't share even the slightest personal thing with her. Just hope he doesn't talk with her about you, and that you would never knoe because he wouldn't tell you.

Also the fact that he lied about it at first would be a huge red flag for me. He lies about talking to her, he says because you would get mad...he wouldn't keep it from you unless there was cause for you to get mad, if it wasn't anything big he would be honest with you about it from the beginning. I say he enjoys every last bit of it, and I don't think he will stop talking with her either. He already made it a regular thing and thats one habit that will be hard for him to replace.

 
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