Well... where to begin? I'll try to make this as short as possible, but I have a habit of rambling. My apologies in advance.
I'm currently in a relationship, of a little over 6 months. We'll call my boyfriend "Tony". It began very well, we had fun, I fell for him right away. The only problem then, was it moved very fast. But I didn't mind it, I actually enjoyed it. Which isn't like me, at all. He was very sweet to me.
But as our relationship progressed, he started turning cold. He stopped showing affection. I thought it might have been because he was working so much, and really stressed. But Tony started rarely calling me, and our phone conversations would barely live more than 5 minutes.
In the middle of this, I met another guy, through a friend. We started hanging out alot. We'll call him "Jon". We became good friends, he was my shoulder to cry on, when I was feeling down or depressed about Tony. And he'd always listen to everything I told him. Jon was showing the affection that I really needed, and I began crushing on him, but I wouldn't admit it to myself.
At the end of december, Tony and I had a huge fight. I finally couldn't take it anymore, and I told him how I felt. I told him he was treating me badly, and I was sick of it, and that he seemed to snap at everything I did. Everything I did was wrong to him. I told him I wanted him to change, and accept me for who I am. I discovered some strange things about him, like the reason he stopped showing me affection. He blamed ME for it. He said that he didn't show affection/compliment me anymore because I didn't know how to take a compliment?... I had been in a really bad relationship prior to this one, where my ex would pick me apart and tell me everything about me was wrong. I was in the relationship for nearly 2 years, and it really did a number to my self-esteem. I've been depressed for the majority of my life, and I told this all to Tony before we started dating. He said he could deal with it. I also learned that his parents don't like me, and think I'm a bad influence on him. And in the middle of our arguement, he shouted "Why don't you just date Jon?", I was shocked and appaulled that he said this. He was obviously jealous of Jon.
I ended up going to bed mad, because I couldn't deal with it anymore, and I hung up on him. He called me the next morning, and apologized. But he said that if I ****** him off like that again, he'd dump me. After that, we kinda avoided each other for a couple days.
Tony then called me right before he left for Brazil, where he was going on vacation with his family, for a whole month. Before he left, he told me the following: "If you find someone who makes you happy while I'm gone, go for it". What exactly is THAT supposed to mean?? I told him I wanted to make it work, but now I just don't know... So he left for Brazil. I'm really worried about him cheating on me. My best friend said it sounds like he said that so he wouldn't feel guilty for any of his actions in Brazil.
His friend had contacted me, and told me that I should get over Tony because I'm more than likely getting dumped.
He told me that Tony deserved better, and he's wasting his time on someone like me. And that Tony is finally seeing that. Talk about hurtful!
One of my and Tony's mutual friends told me not to listen to this apparent arsehole. I tried my best to ignore him, but what he said really hurt me.
And this is where Jon comes into play. Since Tony has been gone, I've been spending ALOT of time with him. He treats me the way that I want to be treated. There was once a time when he said that I need someone to take care of me... and he said he wanted to be the one to do it. He also said that someone needs to be there for me and treat me good, and he said he'd take that responsibility also.. I never read into this too much. I'm really starting to like Jon, I can't stop thinking about him. But I don't really know if he feels the same...
There's another problem, we have quite an age difference. He's 11 years older than me! But I can't help my feelings for him, is he too old for me? This is the first guy that my best friend actually approves of, and wouldn't be upset with me dating him... is that a good sign?
Yesterday, actually... he bought me a very expensive gift, and wouldn't let me not accept it.
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? I'm really scared of telling him how I feel, I don't want to ruin the friendship. I'm scared he may just think of me like a little sister or something, especially with the comment he made about wanting to take care of me.. Also, I'm not even sure if I can bring myself to date him, because of the age difference. On one hand, I want him to feel mutual and be with him, but on the other hand, I don't want anything. But I can't stop thinking about him... Sigh.
One week longer until Tony comes back, and I'm starting to feel like I don't want him to come back. I think I might be finally ready to let him go... but then again, it really hurts to let him go. I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry this is so long, I appreciate any feedback or help I get. Thanks for taking the time to read this!