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Old 02-09-2007, 06:51 PM   #1
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Someonethere45 HB User
Frustration is the name of the game

How does one keep from being cynical when every single experience one has had in ones life with relationships have been bad? When even the ones that looked so wonderful and promising blew up in your face? I don't mean to sound overly cynical, but it is tough not to be sometimes! I guess you could call me a 'late bloomer', in that I only started to really, seriously date about 2 years ago - for various reasons, mostly that it wasnt until then that I had really gotten into the right mindset and physical shape to really attract people.

I wrote before how I fell head over heels for the first girl who ever took a real fancy in me, and how she unexpectedly ended things and really hurt me. Although it was a painful experience, I tried not to let it get to me, and tried more - blind dates set up by friends, Internet dating, the works, although nothing ever worked out. I met one great girl in person, after months of frustration with online dating. The first date went amazingly well, we met for coffee and ended up talking for 6 hours. Felt we had so much in common, common interests, ethnicity, life experiences, sense of humour, partying, fashion, you name it. We kept talking after that, both agreed to meet for a dinner date, one day she just stopped writing, no reply, no reason. Kept trying to meet more people in classes and elsewhere, same thing kept happening. Went travelling for a few months, met a few people, exchanged emails, never heard from them since.

When I got back, I was in a wonderful mood. Everything was going great, travelling really helped me learn to appreciate life and myself so much more, and I didnt care about meeting anyone, I wasnt trying hard anymore. I ended up having my first 'real' relationship - I don't want to go into specifics but this experience, although starting off wonderfully and being everything I had ever hoped for, quickly got bad; basically, to put it short she had alot of emotional baggage and issues, and quickly I received the brunt of all of them, to the point where I was becoming depressed and seeking counselling! I had to end it because it was a very unhealthy experience that very nearly unnerved me; both my parents and friends were concerned for me and I was emotionally numb for a number of months.

Since that point, I have gotten over this experience and become positive and outgoing about life again, and making great achievements in my work life, at least. Been trying again, dated someone for a couple of weeks, didnt work out, we had little in common and things just didnt flow at all. At the end of year, I saw that first ex again, the only one I truly cared about, and we have become friends again. She is abroad for a while now, but we are exchanging emails and so forth. A few days ago, I ran into a girl I had talked to a long time before on messenger, she sent me her number and said we would meet up sometime. Well, after being all flirty, and never having even met yet, she blew me off twice this week! One day I waited over an hour for her to show up, when she said she had to work late, but never bothered telling me, then told me we would meet on Thursday, but ignored me completely after that.So yet another real winner, lol.

So that is where I stand at this point, close to Valentines Day. What some people plan on celebrating as a romantic day, I plan on spending this day as 'Independence Day', lol. I guess at 26 I am still not that old yet and have alot of time. Regardless, now I am quite cynical towards the whole thing. When the only person who you really cared about kicked you to the curb with no real warning, and another emotionally abused you, it is rather hard to hold any positive feelings towards dating, or even wanting to date someone. Sorry if this sounds like a really negative and down rant, but I would like to express my feelings, as I do want to become more positive and find someone who truly cares about me, and vice versa. Thanks for listening...

 
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Old 02-11-2007, 10:54 AM   #2
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brndbrdn HB User
Re: Frustration is the name of the game

Here's wishing you a Happy Vantines Day despite of it all.Your a special person and I'm sure love will find its way to you.

 
Old 02-11-2007, 11:29 AM   #3
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ILYF HB User
Re: Frustration is the name of the game

Even though your dating luck is pretty crumby...it's certainly not anything out of the ordinary. Just try and have your eyes wide open and at the first signs of unacceptable(like if you see her out with another man...haha!) behavior just get out before you waste too much time with someone that will only hurt you. What I've learned in my 44 years is that people are strange animals! HAHA!!!! The right person will come along and you'll know it when they do. Good luck to you and pretend like Wednesday is just another hump day!

 
Old 02-12-2007, 11:04 AM   #4
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desertdweller HB User
Re: Frustration is the name of the game

You sound like you are happy enough with yourself, and you won't settle for poor relationship . That's a good thing! You've got yourself together, the right girl will eventually come along. One plus one doesn't always equal fulfillment. Just enjoy life for now, pursue new interests, be selfish!

 
Old 02-12-2007, 11:49 AM   #5
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BlissfulGjinuba HB User
Re: Frustration is the name of the game

i am newly single myself, and i feel you. i'm rather cynical as well, it's a coping mechanism for me right now.

listen, so what if we don't have a sweetie this valentine's day? there are other things enjoyable about that day. for instance, the color red. I love red, pink, etc. I also really like candy. I like flowers. I like letting people know that i care.

Do you have a mother? Father? Family? Particularly mom, call her up that day and let her know that you care. On V-day, as you go throughout your day, think about how you can show people that they matter, whether they are single or otherwise.

think of all the lonely people out there, some who have sweeties but who are still really lonely...

There are all kinds of love---not just romantic. Employ the other types this Valentine's Day. That's what I intend to do.

For instance, my love for candy will result in me going out and buying some in a pretty i-love-red box, and then i'll sit down and express my adoration for television by watching a show i enjoy! VOILA!

 
Old 02-12-2007, 06:58 PM   #6
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Someonethere45 HB User
Re: Frustration is the name of the game

Thanks for the words of encouragement, they are especially nice at this time. This last week has been a pretty bad one for me - stood up twice and made to look like a fool in public, then caught a nasty flu right after and have been bed-stricken for the last few days. In addition, I had another highly realistic dream about unrequited love last night to top it all off, lol - I am a really creative and artistic person, so I tend to have alot of these dreams, in particular about how good it felt to be with the one person I truly cared for, so at least I can feel it there. But over the last few days, maybe it has helped me somewhat to better appreciate what a relationship could offer - it would have been wonderful to have someone who cares for you come visit when you are sick, cheer you up, and all that. But I got through this one alright anyways, so I don't need it, lol. So it is nice to have some support, so thanks

You are right, there are other ways to enjoy VD. For me, I have never had the chance to celebrate it with a SO, so I have either just pushed it to the wayside or tried and celebrate other forms of love, which is what I will try and do this time out, maybe spend some time with other single friends or just indulge in something.

I am fairly content with myself - I will soon be finished my MA and will have a ton of wonderful possibilities ahead of me in my life, opportunities that I feel fortunate to have. So maybe because of this, I tend to focus on the field where I always seem to be unhappy and unsatisfied? Most other things have fallen into place, so here's hoping everything else does, too. You're right, I have experience both the good and bad sides of relationships, and being in a bad relationship is just no fun! Good luck to everyone, hope you have a great VD day, with or without someone .

 
Old 02-12-2007, 07:15 PM   #7
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BlissfulGjinuba HB User
Re: Frustration is the name of the game

[QUOTE=Someonethere45;2796521] But I got through this one alright anyways, so I don't need it, lol. So it is nice to have some support, so thanks

Isn't it empowering to think about facing this challenge head on, and coming out better in the end? I had a sense of excitement today when thinking about getting over my breakup. This healing process is only going to make me a better person. It's nice to know that I can manage without him, and I will. The support is nice, but there is something so empowering, enthralling about being self-reliant and independent.

I must say, and when I think about people I find intriguing, they are this very way (self-reliant, independent, conquered adversity, etc.)

WE CAN DO IT, too! And even if no one else falls in love with us for it, we will more importantly know it about ourselves, and feel better about life in general, and have reason to exude more confidence, etc.

 
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