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Old 02-19-2007, 08:14 AM   #1
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I think I'm ruining my own relationship and I don't want to. PLZ HELP ME.

So I started dating a guy that I dated for about 9months when I was 17. we broke up and didnt talk for about a year or so. I couldnt stop thinking about him so I end up calling him. I'm now 20 and we are dating again and have been for 4months now. I've never felt this way about anyone. I love him more than he probably even knows and I really don't want to lose him again. The thing is it seems like all I'm doing is pushing him away and I don't even know why. I get mad at things that at that moment seem so important but then later when I look back at what happen I think of how stupid and so not important it was. He actually thinks that I look for things to get mad about just so I can start a fight with him. I don't think thats what I'm trying to do but I dont know anymore. I am dealing with some depression/anxiety/a lot of stress at this point in my life and that's put a lot of strain on the relationship. He keeps telling me he just wants me to be happy with life and especially with him. I told him that most of the time when I'm in bad moods it doesnt have anything to do with him and to tell you the truth I dont know why I get depressed. He can't understand why I can't just snap out of it and he even suggested I get put on medicine but I really dont want to go around with fake happiness from a pill and feel like a zombie. But I'm to the point of where I'll do anything so he will be happy with me. He told me last night that it annoys him that i cry so much and he said it felt like i was trying to control him because when we talk on the phone i want him to sit there and not be talking to his friends or playing a game talking to team mates. maybe i am to controling i just really need some advice or help or anything. I really am willing to try my best to changes things and I dont want to just give up on this relationship not just yet. I just dont know if we're on the same level. plz any words of advice will be gladly appreciated.

 
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Old 02-19-2007, 08:30 AM   #2
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redsoxgirl2418 HB Userredsoxgirl2418 HB User
Re: I think I'm ruining my own relationship and I don't want to. PLZ HELP ME.

are you on birth control pills? Perhaps they are causing you to have these mood swings, especially if you weren't like this before you dated him but started them once you got involved. If you are, consider trying something new?

 
Old 02-19-2007, 08:47 AM   #3
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Re: I think I'm ruining my own relationship and I don't want to. PLZ HELP ME.

Obviously...you've begun to recognize some symptoms within YOU that you are unhappy with. Getting mad and realizing later - it wasn't that important.

I'm just a normal person offering some suggestions to you....

Take a look at your life (excluding your boyfriend)

Your job, your surroundings, your family history, your day-to-day routine, your health......the people in your life (coworkers, family, friends, etc).

Is there anything that you find annoying that will put you in an overall bad mood?

Do you have any hobbies? What do you enjoy in life? Are you over-worked? Not enough sleep? Any family history of depression or anxiety?

You're very young.....and although you feel strongly about this guy - don't limit your lifestyle trying to keep him around. If he CARES and LOVES you enough - he'll work with you to help you become a happier person which will result in a happier relationship. PERIOD.

As the old saying goes.... "If you love something - set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be."

Perhaps you and your boyfriend can find a 'new hobby' together....go fishing, go golfing, skiing, hiking, camping..... whatever you'd both enjoy together and RELAX together.

 
Old 02-19-2007, 09:11 AM   #4
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Re: I think I'm ruining my own relationship and I don't want to. PLZ HELP ME.

no im not on bc pills but i was thinking about getting put on them b/c i was thinking of having sex. i noticed that bc pills can give you mood swings and now im scared to go on them b/c i dont want to get worse. ive had these mood swings or whatever you want to call how i act for quite a while. i really do want to figure myself out and fix it b/c its really not helping our relationship or my relationship with myself. i wish i could talk to like a phsycologist or someone but i guess im just scared. my mom went through depression when she was around my age and i would really like to talk to her and tell her whats going on with me but i dont know how to really tell her b/c i fake my happiness around everyone and i know thats really not good for me.

 
Old 02-19-2007, 07:09 PM   #5
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Lightbulb Re: I think I'm ruining my own relationship and I don't want to. PLZ HELP ME.

I don't know what to say..

You said you don't want to lose him, right? Guys are like that sometimes......

....you just have to really loosen-up alittle. No one likes to live with a control freak!(I am not saying you are one)

Next time, If you feel angry or something......Don't say anything. Maybe, it's a good idea for you to start learing "How to Just walk away"?--that way, you can not regret what you say, right?

And another thing...if your BF doesn't like you crying so much.....Then that's just ridiculous. How else can we release some of this anger? he is not being very supportive, at all!

 
Old 02-19-2007, 07:41 PM   #6
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redsoxgirl2418 HB Userredsoxgirl2418 HB User
Re: I think I'm ruining my own relationship and I don't want to. PLZ HELP ME.

honestly, I give you a lot of credit for being able to look back on your actions and say that you overreacted, are pushing your bf away, etc. A lot of people don't have the ability to do that. Some people who have issues are completely oblivious to any "wrong" that they do. And don't take that the wrong way--i'm not trying to say you're crazy or anything. But lots of people have imbalances, mild depression, etc--I'm not a psychologist so I can't even begin to speculate about possible things going on with you. What I will say is, your actions and thoughts show that you have the potential to overcome whatever is causing you to do the things you do. You obviously WANT to help yourself, because you've recognized these things and are seeking advice. So, if you're in school, and there's a counselor that you could speak to, I strongly recommend that you do it. Sometimes talking to people help you sort out what's going on in your life so that you can figure out what is causing you to feel the way that you do. It doesn't have to be a big thing to be scared of. Most of the time, you can go in and talk about what you want to talk about with a counselor, figure out if you feel comfortable with him or her. Go from there. These things are very often genetic. How is your mother now? Maybe she "fakes happiness" like you do. Maybe talking to her could break some ice. Maybe she could tell you how she dealt with things, maybe she might even be interested in talking to someone too. You have a lot of options, and a lot of time to figure yourself out and live a long, happy life afterward. Don't be scared to talk to somebody, really! And don't think the only option for you is to be put on meds, either. You seem like you have an attitude that would really benefit from counseling, because you want to be happier, you want to help yourself, and a lot of people don't feel that way. Good luck and keep us posted, we're all here to listen and offer words of advice and support.

 
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