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Old 03-19-2007, 03:33 AM   #1
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Will he forgive me?

A little background...
I have been "buddies" with a guy since December. We have grown closer over the last month or so. He calls me when he has a bad day etc. We work at the same place.
Well, Friday some random girl (Betty) asked one of my friends(Robin) if he and I were dating and Robin was like no. (Robin doesn't know that we hang out so she answered honestly.) Robin came to me and said hey whats up with you guys and I played it off and said what do you mean? She just told me that Betty had asked. So I went to him and told him what happened just so he knows that people have been watching us. At the time he acted fine about it and was not mad at me.
Well, yesterday (Sunday) he blindsided me with the whole thing and blamed me and said that I had told everyone at work. I said I hadn't told a soul. Well, I actually had told one person, Gina, and ended up going back and telling him a moment later that I had told Gina. He was like why did you lie to me about telling her? During all of this he blamed me for Betty asking questions when I don't even talk to Betty about **** like that!!! He didn't even really listen to my side of the story. He decided to believe whatever he wanted and thought I was guilty for it all. I was only guilty for not telling about Gina immediately. Then he goes on and says that I violated his trust and that us personally is over with but we could work on the friendship. I told him it was a minor lie and that I am sooo sorry and to give me a second chance. I don't want to lose him. I have started to care about him and I think he about me.
Do you think he will find it in his heart to forgive me for not telling him about Gina immediately? That's the only thing I can see that I did wrong. I feel horrible about it but my work is like a freaking soap opera and he is blaming me for it. He is also fairly knew there and doesn't realize you don't have to tell anything to anyone for them to start gossiping.
I just want to know if there is a chance for us to go back to hanging out personally. I am not ready to lose him over some gossip.
Any advice??

 
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Old 03-19-2007, 05:36 AM   #2
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Re: Will he forgive me?

I'm confused...what did you "lie" about? That you are buddies? What's the big deal...he sounds like a jerk...let him be and be glad you're rid of him I say!

 
Old 03-19-2007, 06:51 AM   #3
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Re: Will he forgive me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ILYF View Post
I'm confused...what did you "lie" about? That you are buddies? What's the big deal...he sounds like a jerk...let him be and be glad you're rid of him I say!
He is mad at me because I didn't tell him the first time that I had told Gina about us. He thinks I lied to him about that. And that I betrayed his trust. I don't understand why he is so mad. He thinks I should have respected his privacy. Sad thing is I am NOT sorry for telling my best friend about something that was making me so happy.
Does that make sense?

 
Old 03-19-2007, 06:57 AM   #4
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Re: Will he forgive me?

OMG, you blabbed about being friends with him!! ..Beware, this is a control freak, avoid! avoid! If he is carrying on like this at this stage of your relationship, forget it! He will be censoring your conversations soon, wanting to know what you were talking to so-and-so about, etc. Give him the flick!

 
Old 03-19-2007, 07:11 AM   #5
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Re: Will he forgive me?

sounds like it just just a fling for him, he never wanted anyone to find out. sounds like he wanted to break it off with you earlier, didn't know how, but this thing came up and he had the perfect opportunity to end the relationship blaming YOU and making YOU feel guilty, instead of taking responisbility for how he feels.

that little issue was blown so out of proportion that it does not make any logical sense-he got off easy by blaming you-and you accepting the guilt and blame.

 
Old 03-19-2007, 08:51 AM   #6
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Re: Will he forgive me?

He wouldn't even let me fight the blame so I just let him go. I don't know how to fight back and get anywhere. A fault of mine I guess....
I NEVER got the impression that he wanted it over from how he keep wanting me to come over. It's just sad because we were really good friends and he is letting a rumor/gossip influence how he feels about me.

 
Old 03-19-2007, 03:15 PM   #7
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Re: Will he forgive me?

honestly, he doesnt sound worth it. dont be upset. do you really wana friend like him? you can have good times with other people who will treat you with a little more respect than that. ignore him. he may realise his mistakes in time.

 
Old 03-19-2007, 03:50 PM   #8
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Re: Will he forgive me?

I still don't understand why this was such a big deal that he had to freak out about it. So you told your best friend that you were friends with some guy and hanging out. SO WHAT?? What's the big deal? And he's acting like it's some major cardinal sin. Give me a break!

This guy is a loser. You don't really need a friend like that in your life. You shouldn't want him back if he's going to go freak out over something so insignificant. It has nothing to do with trust. It's your best friend Gina that you said you were friends with a guy, that guy gets upset and decides not to trust you. For what reason? He's probably some kind of psycho. There's no other reason why he would get so upset.

Drama is for lamers. Remember that.

 
Old 03-19-2007, 03:57 PM   #9
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Re: Will he forgive me?

Thank you all for replying you have really helped. I think he is partly mad because when he asked the first time I told him I hadn't told anyone. Then I told him the truth in the same conversation.
It's funny how he claims he is such against drama. As hard as it is I am trying to be strong and not show him I am hurting.
I do know no matter what I will make through to the other side and still be alive.
I just hope he realizes he was wrong and he made a BIG mistake!!!

 
Old 03-19-2007, 08:16 PM   #10
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Re: Will he forgive me?

So how were you supposed to know that being this guy's friend was some top secret operation Is he 007 or what? That's what I'm confused about...why would you think that you had to keep hush hush that you hung around with this guy...that's just plain old bazaar! He sounds kind of unstable if you ask me!

 
Old 03-19-2007, 10:18 PM   #11
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Re: Will he forgive me?

If a man is not proud to be with you or be close friends with you, then he is not worth having AT ALL. A man who cares about a woman will take pride in that woman and who she is...why should you be something this man is ashamed of or wants to hide?

Either the guy wanted to keep the fling or whatever it was on the downlow because he is a player and only wanted sex...


OR

He has control issues.

Maybe there is more to the situation, but that it what my first impression was.

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Old 03-20-2007, 02:11 AM   #12
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Re: Will he forgive me?

Who knows....
We both agreed it was no strings at first and he said he didn't really want anyone at work to know. However, over the last few weeks he has been doing things that led me to believe that it was NOT just a fling. But heck...he is a man so who knows.
And to be honest its not his place for him to tell me what I can and cannot tell my friend.
I did realize last night though this is hurting me I will come out on the other side and be a strong woman. Luckily thats helping me get through this.

Thank you so much for your advice!!

 
Old 03-20-2007, 05:21 AM   #13
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Re: Will he forgive me?

Well in the first place if you seeing him (I'm assuming from stuff you've said that it wasn't just hanging out and being friends, maybe sex involved) was supposed to be secret then don't you think someone should have told you to not tell anyone? Then if you knew that you could have told him to "K your A!"

 
Old 03-20-2007, 08:28 AM   #14
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Re: Will he forgive me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ILYF View Post
Well in the first place if you seeing him (I'm assuming from stuff you've said that it wasn't just hanging out and being friends, maybe sex involved) was supposed to be secret then don't you think someone should have told you to not tell anyone? Then if you knew that you could have told him to "K your A!"
Good point! I know I did kinda violated his trust by telling someone I just don't understand why he is acting so hurt about that this.
In the long scheme of things this is minute. OR at least I think so.

 
Old 03-21-2007, 07:13 AM   #15
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Re: Will he forgive me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ILYF View Post
So how were you supposed to know that being this guy's friend was some top secret operation Is he 007 or what? That's what I'm confused about...why would you think that you had to keep hush hush that you hung around with this guy...that's just plain old bazaar! He sounds kind of unstable if you ask me!
Ha ha ha ha ha! I love your posts ILYF, I get such a laugh out of them. I agree here, there's something up if he wants to keep things secret in the first place. That wouldnt sit right with me from the off. I agree with the other poster who said that, far from being secretive about you, a man should actually be proud to be seen with you. I'd just let this one go gamecock, and I'd let him know why I was letting him go - because I wasnt prepared to be treated like an affair.

Last edited by Laylah; 03-21-2007 at 07:13 AM.

 
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