Is this right or wrong? - Relationship Health Message Board

relyt · 04-02-2007, 06:20 PM

My fiance and I have been together 4 yrs and he is a great guy who I am very happy with. Well the other night I was out and I ran into my ex, my first love, who I hadn't seen in 5 yrs. We dated on and off for a few years but I was the one who broke it off because I know I deserved better. But of course since he was my first love and we never really had closure, I tend to only remember the good times in our relationship--and there were definitely some good times.
Ever since I saw him, I keep thinking about him. He is in a relationship for 3 yrs with a girl yet I can't help thinking about what "could have been", even though i KNOW in my head that I am way better off with my fiance! Is this normal? I tend to think that maybe bc of the fact that he was the first person I ever truly loved, that I have a soft spot for him because of this. I guess overall I feel guilty because why should I even care? I'm sure if I give it a week or so I'll forget about him again but I just am a little confused.

Seraph · 04-02-2007, 06:39 PM

It takes a long time to get over that first love. In some ways you never do. I remember my first love very well, and I still have fond feelings for him. I think that is natural, as long as you don't head too far down the "what if" road. There are reasons why it didn't last, but there are also some very nice memories. My husband and I are friends with his first love, and she is clearly still very fond of him, but, somehow there is nothing strange about it. They talk openly about this, and neither I or her husband think anything of it. My first love lives in my area and I see him from time to time, and there is still a delight in seeing him. Tie a lovely bow around your memories, look at them fondly now and again, and live your life.