Should I just end it? - Relationship Health Message Board

smals212 · 04-02-2007, 08:05 PM

hey guys! i'm a long time reader, first time poster!

i have a major problem that i need advice on, it's about a friend. sorry if this gets long. i have this guy friend that i love to pieces but at the same time he drives me crazy!

we've been through a lot emotionally, but despite that we're still friends. he lives out of state now, so i don't get to see him as much as i use to. however, i just feel like he doesn't care about this friendship and i've felt this for a long time. i've brought it up to him before and he says that i'm one of his good friends and he'll be great for about two weeks and then it goes back to normal. i'm tired of having the same conversation with him over and over! and it doesn't help that everytime this guy gets a new g/f i have to put up with little or no contact from him for about two months. i dunno, sometimes i feel like i'm being really selfish and expecting too much from him. but it's gotten to the point where i actually feel resentment towards him for not calling me back or making plans, stupid stuff like that! i'm so tired of repeating myself and wondering if i'm going to hear from him this month. i can't remember the last time when i was actually happy around him.

i've thought about ending this friendship before, but i just feel like i'm a coward of a friend who leaves at the first sign of trouble. what should i do guys?

GypsyArcher · 04-02-2007, 08:12 PM

It's sounds like you're the back-up friend, for when he doesn't have a girlfriend or anything else major going on in his life. You can't force someone to be your friend, or to act like one. If he doesn't call you back or follow through on plans, then you really shouldn't be putting so much energy into someone who isn't putting an equal amount into you.

Seraph · 04-02-2007, 08:41 PM

Has this started since he moved away? I think he has moved on, hard as it seems, but it happens. Friendships are fluid sometimes, maybe if he came back it would be like it used to be. As for the GF thing, that does tend to take up most of your time, establishing a relationship, and friends can get neglected. Let him go, move on yourself, it is just where you both are at this moment in your lives.

smals212 · 04-03-2007, 07:54 AM

thanks for the replies! and seraph, for about the first six months everything was normal and fine, but that might have been because he didn't know anyone where he moved to. now it's like "hey, i've got new friends, seeya!" and what really confuses me is that he keeps in contact with his other friends from around here and comes to visit them! ***?! he tells me that i'm important to him and says that he's just retarded when it comes to keeping plans and such. that was cute the first 100 times i heard it and now my blood just boils when he says it. my friendships are very important to me, i treat my friends almost like family and i just don't understand this! i'm having a hard time just letting this friendship go cause i don't understand how you can be such good friends with somebody and just forget them like that!

Larrylou'smom · 04-03-2007, 08:10 AM

I know it can be painful and frustrating. I think you just have to decide if you can handle just having him as much of a friend as he is comfortable being to you, or if it's too painful and it would be better to just cut it off all together. I had a really good friend, my best friend for 20 years, we grew up together and I thought of her as the sister I never had. Through a series of unfortunate events, we, well not really a falling out, but we just drifted apart. She went through bad things and I couldn't help her the way she needed, and the same for me. And she took to disappearing for months at a time. She'd call me and say "oh, I don't have the kids this weekend and I don't have to work, let's do something, I'll call you Friday." Friday came around, didn't hear from her, I'd call her, not home, I'd call Saturday, not home. Then she'd call about 4 months later, make small tald for a few minutes, then "oh I get off work at noon today, let's go to a movie this afternoon, I'll call you when I get off work." Ok. well, noon, 12:30, 1, 1:39 rolls around, no hear from her, I call her, no answer. I call her work, "oh, she left over an hour ago." After a year of this, I decided it was just too painful to keep going like this. She moved and her phone number changed, and I was in the bathroom and my brother took the message, and I just never called her back. And she never called me. I figured I opened the door and she walked through it. She obviously didn't want me in her life anymore. Sometimes it hurts more to hang onto something that's over than it is to just let it go.