hi there what do u do when u know he has a girlfriend and been together for 6 years starts seeing me but then stops it without any explanation
but then comes back after a couple of months tells me hes moved in with his girl borrows her car to come round to see me he tells me this and still wants something from me sexually.
i mean what is he doing!
would'nt it have been better if he never told me all about his girlfriend
do what he has and wants to do then leave why tell me
i dont know her never seen her i would,nt of had a clue if he had,nt said anything about her
its like hes told me so i have a choice and that it would be my fault if she found out he was doing the dirty on her and that im desperate for him knowing he has a girl and still wanting him
why is he doing this to me ???????????
i mean really its killing me even thinking about him how he is with his girl and when he talks about her to me im not sure what to think then after talking about her he,ll f*** me
like what the hell he has no concionus i really think he thinks its all my fault for not stopping him !!!!
and i cant why should i im not in the relationship he has the commitment hes borrowing her car to come see me hes doing the dirty even though he has told me all about her
seriously if it were,nt me it would be someone else so why not me
Last edited by vicky20012; 04-06-2007 at 05:35 PM.
First please spell correctly it is hard to read your post. It is what not wot.
and so on....Not trying to be mean about it
As for what to do stop seeing him. Tell him not to come over anymore. Look at it this way if he is doing that to her with you it means he could be seeing more than just you. There could be other women he is seeing behind your back. Also if he were to leave his gf for you chances are extremely high he would turn around and do the same to you with some other girl. Then it would be you in the relationship and not her to use your reasoning. Do you really want to be the one that his gf goes crazy on when she finds out what he is doing? Do you want to be the one known are one that broke them up? Do you want to be something he sees on the side just for sex? He is just using you and you are letting him.
Tell him no more and move on to a guy that isn't in a relationship. A guy that will want to be with you and not use you.
__________________
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02
Expect this idiot to come around monthly when his real gf gets her period. You are the backup sex recipient. He respects you so much he can't even be bothered to let you think you matter. You know what to do, get rid of him.
If you want to settle for being his second choice, then keep seeing him. But if you have any kind of self respect then never speak to him again! It's that simple!
If you think he's going to leave her, you're in denial. The sooner you cut this loser out of your life, the sooner you can start looking for a guy that will be all yours. Sharing is crap, at least as it applies to boyfriends, anyway.
Just wanted to answer your question .."Why is he doing this?"...Because he can YOU are allowing him to.You are more likely right that if it was not you hed be cheating with someone else BUT why let it be you?? You would'nt rather have your own b/f who is not with anyone else but you?
Last edited by tnmomofive; 04-06-2007 at 09:29 PM.
Vicky - I know it's hard to think straight when you have some fantastic, sexy, beautiful guy who wants to make love to you, but really, our emotions do play into it, and our self respect does, too. No matter how we try to make it all so casual and not personal, sex will always be a highly personal, intimate thing. To answer your questions from a dispassionate, logical view...
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky20012
hi there what do u do when u know he has a girlfriend and been together for 6 years starts seeing me but then stops it without any explanation
but then comes back after a couple of months tells me hes moved in with his girl borrows her car to come round to see me he tells me this and still wants something from me sexually.
What do you do? You kick him to the curb. The guy's a lying jerk, He's being a jerk to you and his girlfriend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky20012
imean what is he doing!
He's using you and cheating on his girlfriend, and doesn't feel bad about it, that's what he's doing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky20012
would'nt it have been better if he never told me all about his girlfriend
do what he has and wants to do then leave why tell me
No, his not telling you would not make what he's doing any better. Perhaps it would have been better for you in the short run, so you could have sex with this guy and not feel guilty about what you're doing to his girlfriend and happily live in ignorance about it, but then you'd start falling for him, developing feelings for him, and that would make a mess for him. At least he's being honest with you. I think he told you so you won't get any illusions about being his "real" girlfriend. He doesn't want you to start making demands on his time, he doesn't want you calling his house, he just wants sex with you when it's convenient for him. That's the deal, and he told you up front that's what the deal is, and you accepted the terms. Now when you start demanding more of his time and attention, or start asking him to leave her for you, then he'll tell you "hey, you knew the deal up front and you were ok with it." He's totally in the clear.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky20012
its like hes told me so i have a choice and that it would be my fault if she found out he was doing the dirty on her and that im desperate for him knowing he has a girl and still wanting him
why is he doing this to me ???????????
You just answered your own question. He did give you a choice. You had the choice of being his diversion, his little side dish, knowing it will never be anything more than that, or not. You chose to be his side dish and be the one he cheats on his girlfriend with. Again, that absolves him of any guilt because after all, he did tell you up front what the deal is. You walked into this situation with your eyes wide open, he did not deceive or mislead you. Why is he doing this to you? Because he's a lying, cheating jerk, and you're letting him do this to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky20012
i mean really its killing me even thinking about him how he is with his girl and when he talks about her to me im not sure what to think then after talking about her he,ll f*** me
like what the hell he has no concionus i really think he thinks its all my fault for not stopping him !!!!
Well, you both share in the "blame" or the guilt of hurting this poor girl he's living with. If he thinks it's all your fault, he's wrong, he's half at fault, but I doubt he will ever see it that way. But you're right, he has no conscience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky20012
and i cant why should i im not in the relationship he has the commitment hes borrowing her car to come see me hes doing the dirty even though he has told me all about her
seriously if it were,nt me it would be someone else so why not me
Well, yes you can, you just really really don't want to. Why not you? Well, didn't you just say above that it's killing you? You don't seem happy with the situation as it is, or you wouldn't have posted this thread. I think if you really believed "hey why not me," then you'd be more ok with it than you are. Yes, you're absolutely right, if he weren't sleeping with you on the side, he'd be sleeping with someone else. Anyone else, probably. Any other woman would be just as good and convenient as you. Now, how special does that make you feel? Why not you? The answer to that depends on how much you think of yourself, how much you think you're worth, how special you think you are, and how much truth, fidelity, monogamy, exclusivity, love, and commitment you think you deserve.
Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 04-06-2007 at 09:53 PM.
..what do u do when u know he has a girlfriend and been together for 6 years starts seeing me but then stops it without any explanation
Well the first thing you should do is to stop looking high and low for an explanation that's already under your nose. Honestly, I dont know what sort of "explanation" you need here Vicky, I mean, come on, it dosent take Einstein!!! The reason he stopped seeing you the last time is the same reason he'll stop seeing you the next time - he's got a girlfriend of six years - HELLLLOOOOO!!!
Look, no matter how much you like/love him, want to be with him, either in the short or the long term, no matter WHAT you want from him, you'll never get it because, and I'm going to be frank here, the only thing he's in a position to give you is the legnth of his penis, and even that is on loan.
You need to suck it up and move on. This guy is worthless. Nothing pisses me off more then someone that cheats. Not only does he not give a damn about you but he doesn't care about his girl either. Think about it is it really worth it getting upset over a guy that flaunts the fact that he cheats on his girl and is using you for sex????? It's not like if for some miracle he is going to leave his gf for you and even if he does how stupid would you be to think you could trust him when you are the one he is cheating with now!!!! You are just going to be the next one to be taken for a fool bc he will screw behind your back too!
like what the hell he has no concionus i really think he thinks its all my fault for not stopping him !!!!
and i cant why should i im not in the relationship he has the commitment...
Sure he might have the commitment, but it takes two to have an affair. Maybe you should have a conscience too, and if you think it's wrong then end it?
the only thing he's in a position to give you is the legnth of his penis, and even that is on loan.
LOL!!!
Vicky,
He is doing this because you are letting him. He is a total pig and you are playing right into him. Have some self respect and stop seeing him. Who cares if he will do it with some other girl, that doesn't make what you are doing right. You know darn well he has a girlfriend and you are still sleeping with him. Who's to say there aren't other girls? Are you even a little worried about STDs?
You can make all the excuses you want but you are just as guilty as he is. He can't possibly have sex with you if you are not allowing him. Don't you think you deserve a guy who is all about you?
