It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-12-2007, 10:54 AM   #1
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 65
greysky HB User
New dilemma : The plot thickens!

Well, my boyfriend is living and working about four hours away from me and has only been there three weeks BUT in that three weeks the contact has gotten less and less, no more i love you on the end of text messages and very few of them aswell. So i went to see him at the weekend which has been planned for ages and on friday he tells me theres good news and bad news. Good news he has sunday off, bad news he has to go on foal watch for a 19 year old maiden mare who may have problems, apparently his employer had been going over to see the mare but she couldn't go sat night as her mother was coming to stay. The mare belongs to a friend of his employer who just happens to be 32 thin and attractive!

Anyway this was the first I had heard of this mare on the friday so I said why dont i come up sat as planned and meet you for a bit after work until you have to go on foal watch. He bit my head off saying he had to go straight from work as if he left it until later say 10pm the mare might die (the fact that the owners live on site and most mares foal in the early hours is obviously beside the point!) So I then arrange to go up early sun morning and got a text at 2am to say he had come home as she wasn't going to have it tonight and that i could come up a bit earlier. Which i took all at face value and duly left at 4am to get there for 8am.

Now I may be being synical here but I have my suspicions that he had arranged to go out with or stay in with this woman and that the mare may not even exist. When i was in the flat on Sun there were dishes in the sink and he said this woman lets call her "jane" had come over and cooked him a meal the other day as there was salmon in the sink still and he was saying how useless he was cos he hadn't cleared it up yet. I didn't say a word and I didn't even question him over the fact another woman had come to his flat and cooked him a meal. I did wonder however if this meal had been Sat night and she had gone home at 2am so he thought he'd text me now the coast was clear so to speak. Now it may have been perfectly inocent and he doesn't know anyone much up there so her and her friends will become his friends so to speak, I don't even know if she has a boyfriend but if she has i can't imagine him being to keen on her cooking for another man.

Anyway following on from this he text me last night to say he was going swimming and he'd ring me later, well he never rang or even text and then when i text him all chirpy this morning saying how was swimming etc. he said he didn't go swimming cos it was shut so he went ice skating instead. Who the hell goes ice skating on there own but no mention of who he went with!! Also no foal yet (need that excuse as long as possible) and he's moving to his employers place on sat but he doesn't know his days off next week for me to visit yet.

Am i over reacting or being used?

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 04-12-2007, 01:49 PM   #2
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,650
Laylah HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

This is all sounding too cosy to me. He's moving into his employers home and this friend of his employers will have even more of an excuse to hang around, not that she needs any excuses by the sounds of it if she's already round in your blokes apt cooking him meals! It all sounds very dodgy, it dosent take Einstein.

Have you considered having it out with him about all this? I'm not necessarily advising that, just wondering what your thoughts on that are.

Also, I'm curious how you know this woman is 32, slim and attractive?? Did he tell you that? Did you ask about her?

 
Old 04-12-2007, 03:05 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,202
happymom28 HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

Yeah, I'm a little curious about how you know the details of her too.

It all seems a little strange to me. He bit your head off about coming up, but then texts you at 2am to come up earlier? When does he sleep? I don't know, something just doesn't seem right to me.

 
Old 04-13-2007, 10:30 AM   #4
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 402
alleycat2 HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

I guess I think like you because as soon as you said the text messages, calls and love yous slowed or came too a stop, I suspected something. I think it was totally inappropriate for another women to be at his flat! If she wanted to say thank you for a good job helping with the mare she could have gave him a bonus on his check. The fact that he is texting you with certian times he desiganates you to come over seems like he has something to hide or is saying it's al clear come over. I guess I would have to do the same thing to him. Be unattainable tell him when you are available not him telling you when he wants to see you. If he doesn't seem to care then I would figure he probably is cheating. Or you can flat out confront him. Of course being he lives away from you he can easily deny it and hide it, unless you make a surprise visit. If he says i can't see you this weekend thanpick a day and go there anyway and if there is something going on you might catch him in the act. I am sorry to say it but I think he is cheating! Good luck! Keep in mind if he is he doesn't deserve you so don't waste your time. If he's not cheating than he needs a kick in the butt anyway for not calling when he says he will!

 
Old 04-13-2007, 10:59 AM   #5
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 65
greysky HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

I know shes 32 cos he told me and I have met her before so I know what she looks like. He also told me about her stable yard and a few other things. He also said shes mad and she asks loads of questions. Funny isn't it when you first start fancying someone you start telling people all there silly little habits etc. Basically i can't see him being able to live with his employers in the long term and "Jane" just happens to have a converted stable he can rent, how convenient especially as rent is really high up there! Well if he does decide to get his feet under the table I doubt theres anything I can do to stop it but all this from a man who wasn't sure he should take the job because of me and who flew 4000 miles and vowed to stay in the UK because of me and this is also the same person who said he had never loved anyone as much as he loved me and that he wanted us to start a family - all of which i believed!!!!

 
Old 04-13-2007, 12:41 PM   #6
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,650
Laylah HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

Quote:
Originally Posted by greysky View Post
He also said shes mad and she asks loads of questions.
Hmmm, bout time you started asking a few questions of your own, and if I were you the first one I'd be asking would be what she'd been asking!

 
Old 04-14-2007, 06:02 AM   #7
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: ohio
Posts: 495
ILYF HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

Once again I'll say: If it looks like a duck...quacks like a duck...walks like a duck...

There's someone else...I'm pretty sure you now know who it is...comes over and cooks him dinner...that's not a red flag, that's a confession! If you are still willing to give him the benefit of the doubt then I'd go with what the other poster said "do the same thing as him"...be unavailable at certain times(gotta work or gotta have dinner with a friend)...act sneaky...see how he reacts. I hate to say it but check his cell phone the next time it's laying around...read the text messages...ha! Cell phones have busted more cheaters than anything else!

 
Old 04-14-2007, 10:04 AM   #8
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 65
greysky HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

Trouble is I will only see him once a fortnight and his phone is always with him and makes a noise when you turn it on etc. I am pretty certain either he fancies her and vice versa or they're already at it! I just don't want to believe it, it's just so not fair, I had planned my whole life with this guy and now everything is in pieces!!

I text him thu night to say i was babysitting and he could contact me on that number, he just text to say hav fun be good x x x then I text him when I got home and still no phonecall so I went to bed. Then he text me in the morning saying he thought I was ringing him. Then no contact all day and so I rang him at 9.45pm and it rang then went to answerphone so I text him before i went to bed then I got another text this morning saying "oh just text again and you said i was being wierd, have a good day baby x" i just can't win everything i do is wrong!! well I text him back saying i tried to call him and left a message on his answerphone and also text him. I had no reply so I text him at lunchtime and said i was going to ring him tonight could he let me know a good time to ring. And by 6pm nothing!! so I'm off to ring him now before he gets the chance to go out!!

 
Old 04-14-2007, 10:10 AM   #9
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 65
greysky HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

Well just rang and guess what it rang for a bit then went to answerphone!! I left a message just saying its me and I'd try him again in a bit or could he call me. I bet by I will ring two or three more times and it will go to answerphone and then he will go out with her and switch his phone off!! It just makes me so mad and if i end up trying to get hold of him tomorrow i will give him until tomorrow night then I will ring his employers as he's living there now.

I call him he gets arsy, I dont call him he gets arsy and now refuses to answer phonecalls!!

 
Old 04-14-2007, 11:03 AM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 989
apple_juice HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

Well why dont you ignore him for two- three days? see his reaction.
youve gotta stop being there for him...be more unavailable.

 
Old 04-15-2007, 02:19 AM   #11
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 65
greysky HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

Tried that we didn't speak from Tuesday lunchtime to Sat evening only text messages and not too many of them either.

I did get hold of him last night and spoke to him while he was driving, I was all cheery and explained I had written him a long text then decided to leave it as a message on his answerphone but ran out of time on the answerphone so sent the text anyway. He was driving so i said are you on your way home he said no he was on his way to "Janes" and that they were going out to celebrate cos she had the winner on the grand national, i said is there a load of you going to which he said yes but I still think it was just the two of them.

Basically its a very wealthy area and although she lives with her mum on the same property her mum lives in a mobile home and she lives in a converted stable and they own the stables and land which must be worth alot of money, they have 32 horses with an average age of 26 so I can just imagine what is going through his mind. He could get his feet nicely under the table, he'd be living ten minutes from work and only three hours from his daughter. All very cosy, and then theres me, i live four hours away which is six hours from his daughter and I'm not wealthy, i keep my horses on livery and i live at home with my mum although i have inherited a property my mum relies on the rent for income so I cant touch it really, if i could i would have suggested selling it and buying a flat up where he works but the relationship is in such a state I don't think even that would make any difference.

I am getting really depressed and have decided to take my mum shopping today to get out of the house but i am going through absolute hell, not eating and feeling so down, rejected and lonely.

 
Old 04-15-2007, 02:55 AM   #12
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,650
Laylah HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

Maybe it's time to come right out and confront him with a question as to what's going on with this "Jane" that he never stops spending time with thesedays. Thats the way I'd put it anyway. He's been stringing you along and he needs to know it's time to stop treating you like a fool.

If I were you I'd certainly not say any of this over the phone. I'd turn up whenever it was during the week that I was sure they'd be spending some cosy time together, and then I'd let the pair of them have it.

 
Old 04-15-2007, 05:32 AM   #13
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: ohio
Posts: 495
ILYF HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

This A--H--- is putting you through HELL! Why doesn't he just break up with you and let you get on with your life?! You just need to tell him it's over...that's my suggestion! There really is NO relationship anymore IS THERE? I can't see it. He avoids your texts and calls...he throws each one in your face like as if you've done some crime "you texted and then you left me a message on the phone saying the same thing" UUUUUH....YEAH and his point being????? Could it be because you can't reach him and he lives 4 hours away...HELLO? What a jerk!!!!! I think what he's doing is keeping you on reserve in case this relationship with "Jane" doesn't work out then he can go back to you. I think my next text would be "you and Jane have a nice life...Buh bye!"

Last edited by ILYF; 04-15-2007 at 05:33 AM.

 
Old 04-15-2007, 11:08 AM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The UK
Posts: 1,315
Nina000 HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

He is not worth your time if he is going to put you through this bs financial competition... Her winner was not even the favourite I picked 13 other horses
If you told me before I would have run across the field with my fancy dress on and smacked your BOYFRIEND for you so I take my revenge for losing so much betting money too
I am afraid that talking on the phone will get you nowhere...you need a face-to-face honest conversation so that you can get a closure. Distance is such an awful thing to resolve issues. You don't have to make a long-term move yet but can you not meet him at all?

Last edited by Nina000; 04-15-2007 at 11:09 AM.

 
Old 04-15-2007, 01:01 PM   #15
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 65
greysky HB User
Re: New dilemma : The plot thickens!

Well things have gone from bad to worse really.

Today i text him this morning saying I was going shopping but he could ring my mobile & that I wouldn't be back late, have a good day etc. Then I text him saying Mum had gone clothes mad and i was still trundling round the shops etc chatty chatty, then i rang him when i got home & it rang then went onto answerphone so i left a nice message, then i called him again at 8pm & it went straight to answerphone obviously switched off so i text him to say i'd tried calling & I'd try again but I had emailed him also & could he contact me. Then I tried again at 8.40pm and straight to answerphone again so i left another message for him to ring me.

if that isn't avoiding someone I dont know what is, he knew I'd be calling him this morning and if his battery is flat thats pathetic, he could either charge it or use the landline no excuse!!

I think something crucial has happened between him and jane in the last week and last night was possibly the icing on the cake so to speak because I haven't had any contact from him at all today not a single text. I am really mad at the moment and I'll propbably give my sister a ring in a minute after talking to mum about it all day but its when I stop being mad and get very very sad and depressed and lonely and think about the wonderful times we've had together, i think I am close to having a breakdown or something!?

Really hurting but don't actually know if we're finished or not because he's avoiding me!!

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
A real, first-time dilemma for me ... canscribe Sexual Health - General 7 03-31-2008 02:16 PM
Now I think I've really lost the plot!!!! pud Menopause 4 02-26-2008 03:11 PM
Dilemma on choosing a surgeon in NYC IPExpert Cosmetic / Plastic Surgery 1 09-01-2005 11:01 PM
Dilemma, where are you? Worried! Charlyssa Eating Disorder Recovery 5 11-18-2004 03:45 PM
The Lipitor Dilemma SafetyJ2006 High Cholesterol 29 06-08-2004 02:53 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (272), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (97), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (904), Titchou (847), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (754), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:08 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!