Missing my exiting husband
I have not posted on this board before but on a few others. Last year, March 2006, I came home with our typical Friday night pizza and a movie, to find an empty office and closet. Yep, my husband abandoned us. I don't say left, because that would sound too easy. I am 44 and he is 49. We had been married for 7 years.
I was not suppose to ever have children and we tried. However, all the things he said prior to marriage, did not occur after marriage. Our one really strong attempt at getting pregnant failed and he would NOT do anything else to assist. He has two kids, 17 year old daughter, 21 year old son. We were blessed with our beautiful, miracle, blessing daughter in 2002. She has Down Syndrome. I have never been so in love in my life. However, I grieved the loss of dreams. I have since rebuilt new dreams. He would just tell me to get over it and move on--she is just like any other child. Sorry, but I am the one involved and work with Doctors, teachers and many special needs organizations on her behalf. She is doing great.
My parents died young, mom of a brain tumor at 52, dad of cancer at 69. I still miss them terribly. Again, was told to move on and get over it. His kids were not kind to me. And he did not set any boundaries. I am blessed to have awesome siblings and nephews, neices and friends.
I quit my job as a flight attendant to take over running his store so he could start a new business.
I guess I don't know why I am writing other than this is a safe place. Anyway, after thinking of how he left and all that happened emotionally in our marriage, I still do not want this divorce. It has been a over a year since papers have been served and our court date is in August. He is doing great financially but I have gone the other way. I owned the house prior to our marriage, had a nice income, no debt and money in savings. We used the equity in our house to build his business. It is now doing well. I feel very used by him. He would tell me he loved me 10 times a day, would hold my hand and was very affectionate. Then bam...Gone. We had a very rough patch before he left but I NEVER would have saw that coming. What I heard through the grapevine is he thought I would be happier without him.
I know these feelings are more about missing the marriage and relationship and not about him. However, I feel no one would ever want someone like me as I have a special needs daughter. I also was married one other time very briefly. I have a new job I like, a daughter I love and great family, yet I feel so alone and sad. However, I focus on new beginnings. A big part of me wants the divorce to be over too. I don't trust him in a lot of ways.
Thanks for reading and my warmest regards to all who are going through emotional turmoil.
I have been through divorce care and probably need to go back.