how to tell my best friend the truth? - Relationship Health Message Board

messee84 · 05-06-2007, 05:08 AM

How do i tell my best friend to forget her boyfriend cos he's a no hoper. He treats her like a princess one minute and then like ***** the next. She ends up feeling bad like she's done something wrong when she hasnt. She found out he was still sleeping wiv an ex when they first started seeing eachother and only broke it off a week b4 things got serious with her. I see her gettin hurt already and ive been in her place and I want to help her but I know how much she likes him so dont think i can make her see sense. Is being brutally honest the best answer or if not how do I sugar coat it so not to hurt her feelings or make things awkward between us?

Laylah · 05-06-2007, 06:08 AM

Oh this is a difficult one Messee; often people just refuse to hear the truth and end up shooting the messanger because it's easier than owning up to something they'd rather not believe, but this, in itself, is really down to personality; is she the sort of personality to react that way? Or is she close enough to you to take it as a given that you wouldnt lead her astray?

And has he ever come onto you, this bloke of hers? That's something that's really pretty hard to ignore. I had a female friend of mine tell me that many years ago. She broke the news on the day he was due to move in and stopped me making the biggest mistake of my life; I've never stopped thanking her for it.

Seraph · 05-06-2007, 06:30 AM

It is hard to sit by and have this happen, but you can tell her till you are blue in the face, if she is not ready to hear, then she will not hear. Do not volunteer any opinions, but if she asks or confides stuff to you and wants feedback, then be as brutally honest as you need to be. Be there to support her when the inevitable happens. I saw this with my daughter and her first bf. Her friends hovered on the fringes, ready to catch her. It all worked out OK. Best of luck, Sera

BeaTrade · 05-06-2007, 07:07 AM

I don't really think that she needs anyone to tell her that he's a jerk....she probably knows that already so telling her isn't going to do anything. It's up to her to realize that she deserves better. I don't know why people will put up with hell rather than be without a gf/bf? Some people just cannot be without a man/woman! They will go through hell rather than be alone! I'm assuming that's how your friend is... she goes from one bad guy to another?

brook65 · 05-06-2007, 08:19 AM

Hi messe, like others have said this is an awkward situation to be in.

When I was with an abusive guy, everyone was being honest with me, but I didn't want to hear or believe it, although I knew they were right, and were only thinking of me in the long run.

She is lieing to herself at the moment, don't reinforce this by sugar coating it for her, as that will just give her justification in her mind that he is actually an alright guy.

But he is not, be honest with her for her own good.

One day she will thank you for it.