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Old 05-11-2007, 03:52 PM   #1
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A question for all you married folk!

Aright, this is kind of a silly question but for those of you who got married: Did you ever feels like you were settleing? I mean did you feel like the man/woman you married was the most incredibly amazing creature on earth or did you kind of feel like, "WEll I guess this is the best I'll ever be able to do, so..."? I feel like I will have to settle. I mean, I being a horny teenager, physical appearance is important but personality and all that jazz will always come first....but I feel like it will be a choice between appearance and compatibility. I haven't met anyone that I'v liked enough to date yet. Now I'm just ranting, but do I need to change my expectations and settle for what I feel is second best to my true desires?

 
Old 05-11-2007, 04:29 PM   #2
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Re: A question for all you married folk!

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Originally Posted by Colt11 View Post
..do I need to change my expectations and settle for what I feel is second best to my true desires?
Lord no, lol. I've never been married, but I have had three long term relationships (all lasting in the region of five to six years) and I can tell you it is more than possible to find someone funny, intelligent and increadibly sexy all at the same time (and it's an out of this world experience when you do!) I'm still crazily in love with my bf and we'll be together five years in a few months. As for marraige, I'm pretty sure we'll be signing on the dotted line in the next couple of years.

 
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Old 05-11-2007, 05:35 PM   #3
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Re: A question for all you married folk!

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Originally Posted by Laylah View Post
Lord no, lol. I've never been married, but I have had three long term relationships (all lasting in the region of five to six years) and I can tell you it is more than possible to find someone funny, intelligent and increadibly sexy all at the same time (and it's an out of this world experience when you do!) I'm still crazily in love with my bf and we'll be together five years in a few months. As for marraige, I'm pretty sure we'll be signing on the dotted line in the next couple of years.

Lol, thanks, congradulations and good for you!

 
Old 05-11-2007, 06:24 PM   #4
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Re: A question for all you married folk!

I'd rather not get married for the rest of my life than "settle for someone that is second best". Usually the people that settle for someone because they only feel they are "good enough" are the type of people that just coast through life, never really living up to their potentials and then they wonder why they aren't happy or fulfilled. One of the top fears in the United States is the fear of ending up alone, which might explain why the divorce rate is so high from people settling just so they aren't alone.

The reason I say this is because I was one of these people before . I wasn't really happy with my life, my average job and my average girlfriend. I've finally started to grasp the idea of "not settling" and it feels pretty good, I"m graduating college in two weeks and I'm newly single. Don't settle!

 
Old 05-11-2007, 08:00 PM   #5
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Re: A question for all you married folk!

Its called a "starter relationship" EVERYONE i know has had one and it doesnt work so just give it time it will end and then u will find mr.right u may not want to believe it now but its true!i would never settle remember u live one life and why would u want to live it settling.

 
Old 05-12-2007, 12:01 AM   #6
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Re: A question for all you married folk!

Well, I'm not married either, but wanted to chime in here. I hate being single, I'm very unhappy with my life because I never got to know marriage or love, but I still would rather be alone forever than to try to force myself to be with someone I'm just not that into. I know some people do it, and I just don't understand. Some friends decided to set me up with a guy a few weeks ago, and when I saw him, I was like "do you hate me? Did I DO something wrong to you??" and they were like "no, you can't be negative, be positive, say something positive!" And I was like "ok, I'm positive he's a dork!!" LOL No I didn't actually say that, but they both had "starter" husbands, married very young to men they never really loved, I guess just to have children. I personally can't see marrying someone you knew you weren't going to be passionatel about for the rest of your life. Love dies sometimes, and you don't always know if it will, you can be madly in love with someone and then grow apart over the years, but that's totally different than going into a marriage knowing you will want out someday. That just cheapens and degrades the whole institution of marriage. I don't see the point.

Anyway, to sum up, you're very young, so hang in there. I can't promise the right girl will come along. Sometimes the right person never comes along. I never met my Mr. Right, and have given up any and all hope of ever finding him. But to hurry up and marry just anyone just to have kids and just to say I have someone, my heart would never let me do that.

 
Old 05-12-2007, 02:55 AM   #7
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Re: A question for all you married folk!

You gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you get a prince . Don't be scared to try on the odd relationship for size, but only if there is SOME chemistry there to start with.

 
Old 05-12-2007, 02:56 AM   #8
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Re: A question for all you married folk!

In order to find someone you like enough to date, sometimes requires dating someone to find out if you like them enough to date them. I think that a lot of us feel like we may be settling just because we didn't marry the head cheerleader or QB. I married a person I liked, and lusted after but didn't really know that much about her even though we spent almost all of our time together for 2 years before marrying. So, here I am, 27 years later and I constantly find out that this person is amazing on so many levels. OK, so now at this age she has some extra weight, starting to sag, doesn't look like a 16 year old anymore and every day my love grows for her. Odd, I remember as a teenager feeling like I knew all about love. After all, I was in love with every girl I dated. Took years to realize the difference between love and infatuation. Don't give up, you have to get out there and try it out. Try to not dwell on the settling issue like I did for the first few years of marriage. Love takes so long to form and grow. I don't think there is any way to know for sure. Take a risk. Good luck

 
Old 05-12-2007, 06:10 AM   #9
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Re: A question for all you married folk!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Colt11 View Post
I feel like it will be a choice between appearance and compatibility. I haven't met anyone that I'v liked enough to date yet. Now I'm just ranting, but do I need to change my expectations and settle for what I feel is second best to my true desires?
It all depends on what your expectations are. If your expectations are totally unrealistic then yeah, maybe you will have to change them, but in general, I would totally disagree with it being a choice between appearance and compatibility. Maybe I'm wrong here but to me, finding a partner is all about finding someone who mixes both perfectly for you.

I'm sure there are women (and men) who 'settle' but you don't have to be one of them.

 
Old 05-12-2007, 08:35 AM   #10
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Re: A question for all you married folk!

With my first husband I got married for all the wrong reasons, and even when I was walking down the aisle the alarm bells were ringing in my head. Me being young, dumb, and naive, married him anyway knowing I was settling and boy did I pay for it. Five miserable years of dating and marriage total.

With my second husband I feel like I got the whole package. He is nice, funny, loving, affectionate, handsome, sexy, a great father, and so much more. He's everything I ever wanted really. I just stopped looking and there he was one day. I have never once in three years of being together felt like I have settled even in the slightest.

I don't think you should have to choose between appearance and compatibility. Like the above poster said, you just need to have realistic expectations.

 
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