I met my bf 6 years ago and we moved in together about 2 months later. I had just got out of a 5 years relationship and i think i was lonely and just wanted to be with somone. Well he was drinking daily and passing out or would disappear. Several times i tired to leave b/c i didnt like the behavoir but i am a nice forgiving person and believed when he promised things would change. Then I got pregnant. My whole pregnancy he was drunk. When my son was born he spent about an hour each day at the hospital and then would go home and i would call him and his speech was slurred abviuos he was under the influence but of course denied it. He was mean to my infant son by scresming like a big baby at him at night when he had to do feedings. When i recovered enough I just took care of him myself to avoid that behavior to my son. Then I ended up pregnant again Once again he didnt spend anytime at the hospital with me. Didnt spend one night there with me. All this time he was drinking and promising things would get better and they did for a week or 2 but it just went back to the same crap. One day i came home from work and nobody was home. I assumed they went for a walk but 10 minutes later i heard a baby crying and i found my 9 month old son upstairs strapped to his bouncy chair and no dad around.. About 20 minutes my bf came stumbling through the door. I was so ****** and tried to leave again but was suckered into another chance. Well the drinking subsided. Hes done good about not drinking but he also get prescription pain pills every month. He takes then 5 at a time so they dont last long but every month for the week or 2 he is loaded with slurred speech and passes out randomly. He has passed out while I was at an appt and i came home on a few occasions when he was watching my 2 kids and he was passed out cold... unresponsive until i shhok him and screamed directly in his face. He keeps doing it over and over now for 6 years. Hes indangering my kids and taking advantage of my kindness and ability to forgive others. I have told him this happend for the last time and he must move out now. He thinks I am just trying to knock him down cause hes done so good for the last year on not drinking and finally has decided to try working and has for the last 2 months. I care about him, I love him but no longer in a relationship type way. He tells me we need to be together for the kids. But i think maybe being together is more damaging to them and his behavior is definatly damaging me. Am i right or wrong with telling him finally after all the lies and broken promises to take a hike? Please I need advice here....
Personally, I think he has no business being around your children. I can't believe you would actually give the man that many chances. All it would've taken me was finding my child home alone strapped to a bouncy seat. Your children are in danger any time they are alone with this man. The worst part is he is either too stupid or too messed up to see that for himself.
My advice, talk to an attorney and know your legal rights when it comes to getting full custody with supervised visitation. In this situation if you go about it the right way I'm sure you can make it happen.
He needs help, but he needs to see that for himself. You should not subject your children to this. Imagine all of the things that could've happen while he was passed out. You're very lucky that something serious has never happened.
Am i right or wrong with telling him finally after all the lies and broken promises to take a hike? Please I need advice here....
Do you really need to ask that? Put your children first and get out of that relationship. Don't EVER leave them alone with him again. He's shown you, more than once, that he can NOT be trusted to care for them.
I agree!! Get yourself and your kids away from this man. And stop thinking of yourself as a "nice forgiving" person. You are an enabler who is putting two children at risk of their lives by being codependent with a drunk. For once, put the kids first and get out of this sick relationship. Sorry to sound harsh, but you have the choice of ruining your OWN life, but no-one has the right to keep children in an environment like this.
Being together IS more damaging for your kids. He is neglectful to say the least, a danger to himself, which makes him a danger to the children. It's great that his drinking problem has subsided, but he's only replaced the alcohol with pills. Nothing has actually changed. If you stay with him, or allow him to conintue living with you, then you will be partially repsonsible for what happens to your kids. You care about him, but your kids need to come first. He is the one with the substance problem, but you're contributing to the problem by allowing him to stay in the picture. Kick him out! Maybe it will be the rock bottom that he needs to get cleaned up. He'll continue to behave this way as long as he's able to.
I completly agree with what you all are saying. He absolutly doesnt watch my kids anymore and I have told him he has until the 1st to get the heck out of my house. I asked because when we fight he makes it sound as if im crazy for feeling this way and if i loved him i would help him and work through it. I know what needs to happen here for myself and my kids. He is driving my insanely mad. The only reason I even stayed was due to the fact I am so sick myself I inderwent a lumbar surgery, hysterectomy, and im waiting for neck surgery currently as well as suffer from kideny disease and narcolepsy. I have been afraid for how I am going to do it alone but I am pretty much alone as it is and I have had it. Just wanted an outside view since i havent told anyone whats going on in my home because I am so ashamed I allowed it to continue as it has. Thanks for your insight.
you need to speak to someone asap about what is happening. Let someone anyone know what is happening. I dont need to give you a speech it was done well here already. Your kids come before you or anyone so do the right thing but do it the right way. With all your ailments I am surprised they didnt put you on birthcontrol to try to make sure you didnt get pregnant with having kidney disease and narcolepsy. wow! THe ob should have at least put you on it right after you had 1st child. jeez! I am so sorry you have gotten into this situation but you do know how to get out so try and make sure someone knows. You need a plan so hwen he says no i am not leaving come July 1st you know what to do. Get a lawyer and tell them what is going on with yuour issues and what he has done and get help. But get him out for sure. Your kids will suffer greatly and that is no life to have.